Rob:
It all started in 2008, when Kym and I went out to see ‘Max Payne’ in theatres, and we’ve been complaining about movies together ever since.
Kym:
Well not complaining, usually. It’s funny that our first date would turn out to be the worst movie we’ve seen together. Nevertheless, we continued going out together to see them.
Rob:
And right before seeing ‘The Town’, a very impressive crime-thriller where Ben Affleck shows us his impressive Directing ability…
Kym:
Which is a lot better than his acting ability.
Rob:
Ouch! Anyway, shortly before starting our customary ‘dinner and a movie’ night, I proposed to my dear Kym, and she said yes!
Kym:
So without further ado, we’ve decided to share our movie reviews with the rest of the world, and let you all know…
Rob:
If you liked ‘Max Payne’, chances are we don’t care for you as a person.
Kym:
Actually, I was going to tell them about your bizarre Shelley Duvall crush.
Rob:
She’s adorable! Anyway, I can’t help it any more than you can help your ‘Brandon Frasier’ thing.
Kym:
At least mine makes sense.
…
You decide.
…
BLACK SWAN
Kym:
It was hilarious!
Rob:
What?!
Kym:
I laughed all the way though!
Rob:
Good Lord! What’s wrong with you?!
Kym:
Huh? I thought Seth Rogan and Jay Chou were really good.
Rob:
Wait, Seth Rogan and…oh, sorry. My bad. Let’s start over.
THE GREEN HORNET
Rob:
Much better. You see I started working on this a little while ago and I forgot to change…you know what, let’s just move on.
Kym:
Do you want to go over Black Swan first? It was a really good horror-thriller.
Rob:
I mainly remember impressive ballet dancing and hot lesbian sex. I’m ready to talk about the latter for any length of time.
Kym:
On second though, let’s move on for now. The Green Hornet was a really funny action-comedy, with emphasis on the comedy.
Rob:
I’m not much of a Seth Rogan fan myself, aside from Pineapple Express, but he does a good job here. I liked his PG-13 variety of comedy, which worked really well within the premise of the film.
Kym:
Except his usual drug and sex jokes were replaced with non-stop hits to the groin. I lost count of how many were there. At least 10 episodes of America’s Funniest Home Videos Worth.
Rob:
Nevertheless, it was good. I also really liked Jay Chou as Kato. They gave his character quite a bit of depth and jokes of his own, when they could have easily just made him the straight man. Hans Landa…
Kym:
Christoph Waltz.
Rob:
Doh! Yes, I mean Christoph Waltz (man, it’s going to be hard to think of him as anything besides a charming, well spoken Nazi) really steals the show as the vicious, yet sensitive villain. I like how he slowly adapts his own super-persona is the movie goes along, just because he feels a little jealous of the Green Hornet’s fame.
Kym:
He seemed to be having a lot of fun with his part. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that everyone involved was having a lot of fun.
Rob:
Cameron Diaz, however, was a bit of an odd addition to the movie. She did a good job, but it’s not the actress I expected to see, considering she’s about a decade older than Seth Rogan.
Kym:
Still, she worked well. I like how they didn’t just stick her in as the usual ‘hero’s girlfriend’ as they normally do. A lot of the movie was very original.
Rob:
I think it helped that they designed the movie more as a comedy than a superhero movie. That way they managed to avoid some of the usual superhero conventions. No one said anything about ‘with great responsibility’, and although the main character’s father is killed, he goes through most of the movie hating him. It’s quirky, offbeat, and unique. I liked it.
Kym:
Which is strange, since so many critics didn’t like it at all.
Rob:
Yeah, I thought that was weird too. It only got a 46% on Rotten Tomatoes, and most critics were giving it somewhere around the ballpark of a D+ to a C-. Pretty strange, considering that everyone I know who saw it, loved it.
Kym:
Everyone you know is a geek, dear.
Rob:
Not all of them! Even decidedly normal and well adjusted people all seemed to really like The Green Hornet. So why no love from the critics? Are they that out of touch with the viewing public?
Kym:
Maybe we’re just ahead of the curve.
Rob:
One can only hope. Anything else we forget to mention?
Kym:
Their car, the ‘Black Beauty’ was amazing. It put the Batmobile to shame.
Rob:
The only way it could’ve been cooler is if it transformed into a dinosaur.
Kym:
The only real downside of the movie was the 3D, which was sort of lame. They only really took advantage of it in a few scenes of the movie, including the end credits. It was only tacked on as an easy way to add three bucks to the movie ticket, and that was the only way our theatre was showing it.
Rob:
All in all, we’re just nitpicking here. It’s a great comedy, with a lot of action and just as much fun. If a critic you know gives it a low rating, then just do what our good old friend the Green Hornet would!
Kym:
Kick him in the balls.
Rob’s final score (School Style): B+
Kym’s final score (Buy/Rent/Ignore): Buy
KYM SMACKED ROB WHEN…
(For those that don’t know, Rob usually says something during the course of every movie that gets him smacked on the leg. How hard depends on how bad he’s being.)
*Cameron Diaz meets the main characters for the first time, and they both stare at her lustfully*
Rob: “Wowwwwwwww……you’re old enough to be our mom!”
SMACK! (Power rating: 25%)
