Kym:
Rob and I have been stuck at home this past week, thanks to the blizzard hitting...well, everywhere besides Florida. So this week we're going to go over some of the upcoming Summer movies this year, starting with the long awaited...
Piranha 3DD
Rob:
Four stars! A triumph of the senses! If you only watch one soft core porno this...
*SMACK!*
Kym:
No chance, not after you conned me into going to the last one, or as I call it, 'Boobs 3D'.
Rob:
Still sounds like an endorsement to me. Anyway, my dear Kym obviously meant...
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, part 2
Kym:
Alright! Is anyone not going to see this one? I have to be sure to set up my schedule so we can go as soon as possible.
Rob:
Right, opening night it is. We'll just go to the midnight showing and then...
Kym:
No, I meant like 'now'.
Rob:
What?
Kym:
I refuse to wait any longer! I'll get my coat. You pre-order the tickets.
Rob:
Uh...I'm pretty sure they haven't...
Kym:
I'll go warm up the car!
…
BREAKING DAWN
Kym:
This should be interesting.
Rob:
In the same way an autopsy is interesting. This book is about ten times more insane than all the other entries in the series. We're talking 'old testament' wacky! I still can't believe they're putting this on film.
Kym:
I can't believe Bella chose Edward over Jacob.
Rob:
Ah, here we go. The REAL reason millions of men are being dragged to the latest Twilight movie. Any you say I'm bad with Piranha 3D.
Kym:
Mmmm...Jacob 3D...
Rob:
The last Twilight movie was alright, so we'll have to see if this entry holds up. I hear it's going to be split into two movies like...you're still thinking of Jacob, aren't you? This should snap you out of it.
...
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
Kym:
Gah!
Rob:
Sorry if going from Jacob to Bieber is a bit jarring, but they can't all be shirtless werewolves.
Kym:
More like: 'Never Say Yes'. Is he ever going to hit puberty?
Rob:
It's the hair. It's the source of his power.
Kym:
Maybe I should make you go see this. This, or Burlesque again.
Rob:
Dear Lord, I hope I never have to make that choice.
...
I am Number 4
Kym:
This sort of looks interesting. There's aliens and weird powers...
Rob:
I don't know. This strikes me as a typical 'he is the chosen one' sort of Matrix-lite movie. If the script called for someone in their 30's, we'd be staring at Keanu Reeve's face right now.
...
Rango
Kym:
This looks hilarious! It's a fun family movie set in the old west, only all the characters are desert animals. It stars Johnny Depp as Rango, and...
Rob:
You know, I really hope Johnny Depp doesn't start working with Adam Sandler, Vince Vaughn, or decide to remake Waiting for Godot.
Kym:
Are you insinuating something, dear?
Rob:
Nothing against the movie, as it does look very funny, and the animation is very impressive. Regardless, what I'm 'insinuating' is that they could remake 'My Dinner With Andre', and as long as it was Johnny Depp in the starring role, spending 15 minutes eating mushrooms, then we'd have fan girls lining up around the block to go see it.
Kym:
I'll go warm up the car.
...
Cowboys and Aliens
Rob:
There is absolutely nothing NOT to love about this movie. Aliens! Cowboys! Harrison Ford! Daniel Craig! Shootouts! Alien invasions! KABOOM! SWEEEEEEEEEEET!
Kym:
You know, you're sending mixed signals here, love. I'm not sure if the readers understand how you really feel about this movie.
Rob:
Ha ha. Anyway, like the Green Hornet's car, 'The Black Beauty', in order to possibly be any cooler, Cowboys and Aliens would have to involve dinosaurs in some way.
Kym:
It looks good to me too! I just hope Harrison Ford has a big part. It's neat to see him play the villain. He's very good at it, but he rarely ever gets the chance.
...
Scream 4
Rob:
Scream 4? Really? After all this time?
Kym:
Oh come on, the Scream movies are classic 90's! There's no way anyone in their 30's wouldn't want to see everyone back again.
Rob:
Yeah, but I'm not sure if there will be much to see. For those that aren't aware, at the end of Scream 3, right before the end credits, all the actor's/actress's careers were killed.
Kym:
Sigh...still, this looks like a lot of fun. Maybe it'll be about long awaited sequels, where they bring back all the old actors.
Rob:
And maybe someone out there will care.
...
Thor
Rob:
Speaking of the Scream movies (the first of which starred Henry Winkler), the Fonz is in the water with his skiis on and ready to jump the shark, as Marvel releases yet another Avenger movie. That said, the trailers actually look pretty good. It's just a matter of time though before they release another 'Hulk' (2003, not the 2008 one, which was good) and the superhero genre will go belly up again.
Kym:
Superhero movies are often hit or miss, but I like where they're going with this one. Instead of the usual superhero stereotypes, we have more of a fantasy-adventure movie, a lot of great special effects, and stars the 'godly' Chris Hemsworth.
Rob:
Ugh...all it takes is a shirtless hunk and you're already lined up for the movie. Perhaps every movie should have the male lead shirtless in the trailer, just to help you decide if you want to see it.
Kym:
Well maybe they should.
... (TO BE CONTINUED)
KYM SMACKED ROB WHEN…
At the beginning of the post, remember? With Piranha 3DD.
(Power rating: 33%)
