Apparently, Joss Whedon is Quite Nifty

Kym:

Okay, we went and saw the Avengers again.

Rob:

It's sort of like the Titanic thing a couple weeks back, only with more YES YES AWESOME AGAIN. 


Kym:

We were originally planning to go see Battleship, but realized that everything that movie had (cheap thrills, a few laughs, explosions) Avengers had a lot more, Chris Hemsworth, fantastic direction by Whedon, and is a great movie to boot!


Rob:

Are you ever going to stop talking about Chris Hemsworth and Joss Whedon?




Kym:

Come on, Rob, admit it.


Rob:

Okay, fine.  Chris Hemsworth is a fine actor, and indeed a very handsome man.  Fine.



Kym:

What about Joss Whedon?


Rob:


Less handsome.

(sorry, Joss)

Kym:

Let's just move on...without a new movie to share, I thought it'd be nice to go over the list of TV renewals and cancellations, by network.  We've got quite a few surprises here.


Rob:


For example, the networks didn't pick up the pilot I pitched: Scarlett Johansson oil wrestling!



Kym:

Sorry love, they had to free up the schedule for the Hemsworth/Evans oil wrestling matchup.



Rob:


Damn it!  Why do my imaginary TV shows never go as planned?

Kym:

Body of Proof was thankfully renewed!  Even though it's yet another procedural cop show focusing on the scientific investigation aspects, I really like all the characters.

Rob:

Yeah, they thankfully didn't go with the generic cop show archtypes, and Dana Delany is quite attractive for a....(checks wikipedia) holy crap, 56 year old?  Dang, that girl's holding up gooooooooooood.  

Kym:

On the other hand, they cancelled GCB, which was a very funny show!  I think it would have built up an audience over time, especially now that Desperate Houswives has ended, and its audience needs something new.


Rob:


Desperate Housewives is obviously not a guy sort of thing, but I have to admit, I did watch the last episode, and found it very satisfying, tying up all the loose ends and giving everyone a fine farewell, without being too lovey dovey, or simply by killing everyone off.


Kym:

It's a fine finale to a very unique and ground breaking show.  It shall be missed, but thankfully we still have Revenge, renewed for another 'dishy' season.


Rob:

I'm still not sure what 'dishy' means.  Again, not exactly a guy show, but even I have to pay attention when pregnancies, karate fights, overdoses, and exploding planes fill the screen.  It just better not all be a dream.  On that note, don't google the words "Dallas TV dream" or "saint elsewhere finale".  You'll regret it.


Kym:

Continuing the 'dishy' theme, we have Scandal, which I didn't watch with high expectations, being skeptical if Shanda Rimes could do a non-medical show.  I was delighted to see that they were taking a lawyer type show and giving it a cool twist.  Everything feels important and real.

Rob:


As real as a pair of scissors to your neck....which you shouldn't pull out.  For the love of God, why would you pull the scissors out...


Kym:

Complex characters, exciting twists, and a presidential scandal make for a very interesting show!  On the other hand, I'm glad they cancelled Missing.  With only one gimmick, and a mystery that can't be solved without ending the show, watching it felt like running in place.  Ashley Judd was very good though.  Maybe it would have worked better as a movie instead.


Rob:

What's with all the hot cougars (40+ year old women) on television these days?  Dana Delany, Teri Hatcher, Ashley Judd, and countless others!  Not that I mind, of course.  It just seems like the new thing these days.


Kym:


Know what isn't new?  So many stale and played out shows, yet again renewed for another pointless season.  First off is Grey's Anatomy.  I like the early episodes, but it really needs to end.  The show simply needs to end with some dignity, rather than relying on helicopter crashes and random deaths to beg for the audiences attention.


 
Rob: 

Now if they all hunted each other in the woods after the crash, Hunger Games style, I might be interested.



Kym:


That's about all there is left to do, honestly.  Castle is getting stagnant as well.  Another show that started out really good, but can't move forward, mainly because the main two characters won't give in and SLEEP TOGETHER ALREADY!



Rob:

Not since Matt Damon and Ben Affleck has America waited so long for two people to 'get it on'.

Kym:

Finally, we have the runt of the litter, the abysmal 'River'.  Why did we watch that show?



Rob:

Uh...something about ghosts...monsters....South America....a dog almost gets made into a Scooby snack....and then a bug crawled inside someone's mouth.  Yucky.



Kym:

What a waste of good DVR space.  Dear, if you ever get lost during a ridiculously stupid jungle expedition, I'm afraid I won't be coming for you.  Sorry.


Rob:

When I eventually go missing in the wild, and everyone's putting together the search party for me, use this post as reference.  Kymmie's a no-go. 

Rob:

Wha?  What happened?  I fell asleep during 'Awake'.  What'd I miss?
 

Kym:

Not much, which answers the ultimate question of the now cancelled show....it was the audience.  We were the ones asleep.


Rob:

I'm not that upset (although I do like the last episode, which tied things up a bit), but I am upset that Harry's law got the shaft.  Sure, lawyer shows are out of style, but Harry's law had a lot of fun characters, and hilariously ridiculous cases.


Kym:

I didn't think the cases were that ridiculous....


Rob:

Their clients included (no joke): a gorilla, identical twins accused of murder, an obese porn star being spied on by the government, and a woman fighting crime while dressed as Wonder Woman.


Kym:

Okay, so it was goofy.  It was still a lot of fun, and Kathy Bates will be missed.  Her performance was always worth watching for.  Hopefully we'll see more of her soon.  Perhaps on Celebrity Apprentice, which has been renewed?  That'd be fun!  Although I'm not sure how they could make the cast more abnoxious and hostile than it was this time, with Lisa Lampanelli and Aubrey O'Day.


Rob:

Eh, the men's team could stand to get a bit more hostile.  Here's my dream cast: Mel Gibson, Michael Vick, Edward Norton, and 10,000 Africanized Bees.


Kym:


Now that's good television.  Who do you think would win?


Rob:

The American viewing public.


Kym:


True enough.  The last NBC show we care about is Grimm, which was thankfully renewed.


Rob:

*Geeky squeal*

Kym:

Yeah, we're both pretty excited over here.  Fanboys and fangirls finally have a fantasy/sci-fi show worth getting excited over (aside from the Walking Dead, of course).  Think of it as Highlander meets Angel.  Better yet, Highlander and Angel as buddy cops that fight crime!


Rob:


Grimm's definitely worth watching, although I'm not sure I like the way they left off the season, especially how he finally told his girlfriend the truth.  Problem is, he told her the truth in the CRAZIEST way possible.  Conspiracy theory about 'secret fluoridation of the moon landing' CRAZY. 




Kym:

Dude, just take your girlfriend aside, introduce her to your werewolf buddy, and tell her the TRUTH.  While you're at it, tell your poor partner as well.  Leaving him hanging like that was not cool.



Rob:

Bros before...werewolves? 


Kym:

Something like that.

Rob:

God I hate the winners of the Amazing Race. 

Kym:

We like the show, but can someone please tell us why the teams we most hate keep winning?  Not only were they annoying in every possible way, but they were two of those perfect people that are absolutely perfect at everything they do without even trying, and spend all their free time reminding the viewers how perfect they are until we all pray for them to be run over by a truck.

Rob:

Now THAT's a roadblock!  To no one's surprise 'A Gifted Man' was cancelled...only to have NBC come up with a nearly identical show called 'Saving Hope'.  Why won't they just let the 'doctors speaking with ghosts' premise die?


Kym:

Similarly immortal is the renewed Undercover Boss.  I personally like the show.



Rob: 

Meh.
 


Kym:

Like him with 'dishy', I'm still not sure what 'meh' means.  Anyway, I don't see how long Undercover Boss can go on for.  Aren't people growing suspicious of the 'new guy' wearing a hat and goofy glasses, followed by a TV crew, filming a reality show they've never heard of?

(pictured above: boss)

Rob:
 
If I were a skeptical man, I'd assume that most of them realize what's going on, keep it secret, lay on the tearful sad story, and wait for it rain money.


Kym:

On a different note, CBS brought in three new cop shows, and two came out.  The surviving Blue Bloods is an excellent show, mixing a traditional cop theme with a family drama, that extends from the very top of the police department, and all the way down to the streets.  The only weak part was the last episode of the season, which should have been titled 'There's a bio terrorist threat, oh wait, everything's okay now'.



Rob: 

Person of Interest is another survivor, and has quickly become a favorite of mine.  Although the premise follows an episodic format (each episode is a different person to be saved), they keep throwing in additional information about the character's pasts.  All in all, there's a lot of great action, and Mr Reese and Mr Finch make a great team!




Kym:

This leaves us with Unforgettable, which audiences found...

 
Rob: 

Please don't.




Kym:

....quite....


Rob:

Please.



Kym:

...forgettable!


Rob:

Ugh....actually this was one of the biggest surprises as far as cancellations go.  Unforgettable had a lot of fan support both from women for the empowered female detective Carrie Wells, and men for the ridiculously hot female detective Carrie Wells.  

(Now that's female empowerment I can get behind)

Rob:

The show went really downhill as it went, though.  The premise got stale, and the viewers diminished.  It still had quite a few viewers though, making the cancellation a surprise.



Kym:

Maybe the network was simply in a 'cancelling' mood.  They must have been to finally cancel one of the never-ending CSI shows.  That's right, CSI Miami is history!  One down, two to go!


Rob:

Kym obviously isn't much of a fan, and although I used to be, the shows have gotten really dull and repetitive, almost at Grey's Anatomy levels.



Kym:

Perhaps this means David Caruso's career is finally over.



Rob:


I don't know, it might yet have....


*PUTS ON SUNGLASSES*


...proof of life.

(pictured above: movie reference/Rob's lack of dignity)

Kym:

Ugh, and you said I was bad with the 'unforgettable' line.


Rob:


YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH.......

Rob:

Let's just speed through this one.  Fox gives me a headache.  The first cancelled show is House, which was long past its prime, and overdo for the cemetery.




Kym:

Both the show and House himself.  Seriously, how is that character still alive?  He's done everything except take 500 Vicodin while sawing off his own head.  Alcatraz is also gone, to no surprise.  It had some good elements, but a ridiculous premise and a hilariously inept female cop.

(seconds before accidentally swallowing badge and gun)

Rob:

I swear, that women's disarmed more often than she's armed.  The premise (magically disappearing/reappearing Alcatraz convicts in a massive conspiracy to cause chaos in the present) is proof why you let geeks handle every aspect of the show EXCEPT the concept.  That's why Avengers was Avengers, and Dollhouse was Dollhouse.


Kym:

Sorry Joss.  Anyway, Glee was Glee, and if you liked it at the start, you'll continue to like it now.  It's the sort of show you're really into, or you're....


Rob:


A straight man.  Aside from that, all that's left is that cartoon show aimed at adults that started out okay, but really needs to go.  Which one was it...oh yes, ALL OF THEM.  Seth, you wanted Family Guy to be the next 'Simpsons', and you got your wish.  Nobody I know watches either, and yet they refuse to die.

Kym:

Although not one of the 'major' networks, I think CW is still worth mentioning.  Hart of Dixie was a surprise success, and a great show.


Rob:

Not a guy show though.  This a story about a young, independent female doctor opening shop in the south, and it contains every bit of estrogen that you'd expect from that premise.

 
Kym:

Since GCB is gone, I'm glad this one's still with us.  Television could use a bit of southern charm.


Rob:

Our boney star needs a big sammich.   I need 50 CC's of sammich, STAT!  Also, I need someone to explain what 'STAT' means!




Kym:

The last show we're ranting about is Supernatural, back for another season.  It's gone on a bit long, but I still enjoy it, and I'm glad to see them come back for another adventure.


Rob:

Women can't get enough of those two guys, but is there really anything left to do?  You know a show's run its course when the heroes have already faced down all of hell, heaven, every mythological creature in history, and Mega-sharks.  I mean, what's left?  Aliens?  Ghosts?  Men in Black?



Kym:

Speaking of 'segway', Rob and I are now off to see Men in Black 3.  We'll let you know how it goes!


Rob:

Awesome!  As long as it has as much Scarlett Johansson oil wrestling as Kym promised, it should be great! 


Kym:

Of course, dear.  Now, could you just look at the little light on top of this device for a moment?

Rob:

Okie dokie!


*ZAP!* 

HULK SMASH TITANIC! HULK NEW KING OF WORLD!

Rob:

You can blame me for the title.


Kym:

That's not exactly in the best taste, dear.


Rob:

HULK MAKE YOU BOTH LET GO!

Kym:

Finally, a highly anticipated sequel that not only lives up to the hype, but blows the competition away!


Rob:

Is there really anything we can say here that would keep you all from going to see this movie, and then returning for a second or third time?  Seriously, what would it take?  All the main characters die?  The gang has to put on a production of Hamlet halfway through the movie, and every bit of the play is in the film?  They replaced Thor with a wacky CGI character?  Scarlet Johansson's in a burqa? 



Kym:

I don't think there's anything that can really set them back, not that you'd want to.  This is superhero action movies at their finest, with special effects that are completely convincing.  Despite the last half hour of the movie being done almost completely with green screens...


Rob:


Then why can we see the Hulk?


Kym:

Uh dear, the Hulk isn't actually...


Rob:


Oh, right. 



Kym:

Anyway, it doesn't look like CGI backgrounds.  No, this movie is big, gorgeous (especially the incredibly hunky Chris Hemsworth), explosive, and exciting!  Joss Whedon did an absolutely fantastic job directing this (and as a longtime fan, I hope this shuts up all the Whedon haters out there).  If you haven't gotten around to seeing the Avengers yet, then get out there and go!  You won't regret it!



Rob:


Despite usually being the killjoy, I really don't have anything bad to say about the Avengers.  Even the cast change of Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk, worked out well.  It's only possible fault is that it's at heart just a popcorn/action movie, never really transcending the genre (in the way that Dark Knight, Watchmen, and the first Iron Man movie all did).  It's still a fantastic movie though, and even if they WERE putting on a stage production of Hamlet, I'm sure we'd still love it, just for the chemistry between all the characters.


Kym:

And now, on to the second half of the Summer movie previews!

(June 29th)

Kym:

Someone's been watching the Expendables.


Rob:


Yeah, it does have a bit of that vibe to it, doesn't it?  I don't mind moving back toward the glory days of action movies though.  Back when it was all guns, explosions, and vaguely European terrorists. 


Kym:

I'm really glad they lost the robot suits.  The last GI Joe movie looked like it was clipped together from unused Transformers footage.


Rob:

This one looks a lot more like the cartoon, and although this sort of movie can go good or bad, I like that they're focusing on the over the top characters that made the original cartoon fun.  Plus, Snake Eyes rules!  Every boy knows that.  You say you prefer Duke?  YOU LIE! 


Kym:

As far as I can see, if your movie includes Bruce Willis, the Rock, and a ninja, then it's probably worth watching.

(July 3rd)

Rob:


Although the 'nerd rage' on the internet goes way too far, even I have to admit, that was a quick reboot.  At this rate, I think we can expect the new Batman series to premier late next year.


Kym:

It isn't that bad, and I don't have a problem with it, as long as they go in a new direction.  In this case, they seem to be taking notes from the aforementioned Batman, as they appear to be making things a bit darker and more realistic overall, with scientific explanations behind the powers, and the webs from a device, rather than his own body.


Rob:

We have Andrew Garfield as the Spidery-Guy himself, who according to sources has been known to do 'whatever a spider can'.   We also have Denis Leary (+5 points), and Emma Stone (+50 points).  Sorry, Dennis.  No offense.


Kym:

It might be my present superhero movie kick, but I'm looking forward to this one.  The CGI first-person scenes, where we see what Spiderman is seeing as he flies around the city, should be absolutely amazing in 3D.

 
Rob:


On the other hand, it seems a bit 'par for the course' as far as hero movies go.  We have a new bad guy, our young hero tries to learn the truth about his past/parents, there's an angry (but basically good) authority figure, and lots and lots of Emma Stone nude scenes.


Kym:

Uh....


Rob:

A man can dream.

(July 13th)

Rob:

And there goes my buzz.


Kym:

Ah, the inevitable Ice Age part 17 or something.  I wish I could give parents/aunts/uncles/grandparents something to look forward to when the children in their lives drag them to the theaters for this, but it looks like same old, same old.


Rob:

I guess the squirrel's sort of funny.


Kym:


And it gives Ray Romano a paycheck.

(July 20th)

Rob:

Awwwwwwwwww yeahhhhhhh....
 

Kym:

I may be a superhero movie junky, but I've never been as much into the Batman movies.  Maybe it's a gender thing, but I really prefer the Marvel movies.


Rob:

Christian Bale not doing it for you as much as Chris Hemsworth does?


Kym:


You think?


Rob:

The third Chris in this equation, Chris Nolan, does not make bad movies, so I have really high hopes for this.  The trailers all look great, and despite the complaints on the internet, I can understand Bane just fine (man, you geeks are never satisfied).


Kym:

You're one to talk, dear.  Anyway, my only concern here is that the movie may be getting a bit too political to be a satisfying superhero movie.  All in all, it might be a bit TOO dark, even for a Batman movie.  Especially if the speculation is true, and Batman kicks the bucket.


Rob:

Eh, superheroes are dying and coming back all the time.  Just watch, he'll die halfway through the movie, get replaced by four new Batmen (young Batman, alien Batman, cyborg Batman, and black stereotype Batman), and then in the last few minutes Bruce will return as an immortal caveman and save the day.  Happens all the time.


Kym:

What were you saying about 'geeks'?


Rob:

Uh....that they're nowhere as cool and awesome as me?


Kym:

Whatever you say, dear.

(July 27th)

Kym:

Well...this just got a bit awkward. 


Rob:

The bullet holes are a bit uncomfortable now, yes.  For those not up to date on the news, in Florida, a member of a neighborhood watch got into an altercation with an unarmed black teenager, and not only did the man shoot and kill the teenager, but the police didn't arrest him for it, leading to national outcry and protests.




Kym:

Which is just the sort of backdrop a Hollywood studio wants right before they release their wacky comedy revolving around an overly protective neighborhood watch.  I hear that they're changing the title to just 'The Watch', and hopefully they'll take the bullet holes out of their promotional posters.


Rob:

All in all, it looks pretty funny (despite starring Vince Vaughn), and it's one of the only movies coming out this year that isn't a sequel, reboot, or based off a book/game.  All they have to do is try to distance themselves from the controversy.


Kym:

At least they have a black guy on the team.


Rob:

Moss!  RUN!!! 

(August 3rd)

Rob:

Jeremy Renner stars as a government secret agent/assassin and....didn't we just do this?


Kym:

I guess starring as Hawkeye was just practice.  I prefer him with the bow and arrow.  Still, by the end of the summer we'll all be ready for a good spy-thriller, and Jeremy Renner's a good actor.  All in all, this looks promising.



Rob:


And that promise is: to not star Matt Damon.




Kym:

Yeah...then again, why was it so hard to get him?  Is he really that busy right now?  The series won't quite be the same without him.  Everyone will have to use their own judgment on this one.

(August 3rd)

Rob:
 
I'm judging the HELL out of this one though.


Kym:

Yeah, sci-fi thrillers (aside from Inception) haven't had a very good track record these past few years.  They all wind up being, despite their interesting premises, complete messes with stories that don't make sense, contrived plots, and weak characters. 



Rob: 

Everyone's trying to make the next Matrix, and instead they're making the next Matrix 2 + 3.  The original Total Regall was hilariously bizarre, never took itself that seriously, and virtually every scene was original in some way.  This movie's looks like nothing we haven't seen many times before.




Kym:

That, and Colin Ferrel is a poor replacement for Chris Hemsworth.

 
Rob: 

Um...don't you mean....




Kym:

A woman can dream.

(August 17th)

Kym:

Speaking of Chris....I mean, Arnold. 


Rob:

And we finally come to the last of the Summer Blockbuster movies, Expendables 2.  This time, even more...expendable?  Does that work?



Kym:


With Arnold, Stallone, Bruce Willis, and Chuck Norris, anything can work.  These types of action movies are always a lot of fun!  With tons of guns and explosions....


Rob:

Yahoo!



Kym:

Stabbing, tires screeching, backflipping, hummers rolling, dictators jibbing, heroes posing, villains ragdolling...



Rob:

Kaboom, yo!




Kym:

Anything substantial you want to add to that, love?



Rob:

KABOOM!