*AWESOME SCI-FI SOUND EFFECTS*
Rob:
Whew! What an amazing three month adventure through all those alternate dimensions!
Kym:
You said it! Jerry O'Connell would've been proud!
Rob:
Yeah, but despite all those weird alternate timelines, with the Communist takeovers, dinosaur pets, alien invaders, Firefly's amazing 100th episode where the Shepherd and Jayne finally kiss...
Kym:
Regardless, the one thing that really sticks in my mind is the movie breaking all records: Oz the Great and Powerful, starring Robert Downey Jr!
Kym:
Watching him star as the master con artist 'wizard' really makes it hard to imagine anyone else performing the role. His ready charm and wit, combined with his amazing ability to improvise really carried the movie to great heights.
Rob:
No question about it! His originality and breathtaking charisma steals every scene, from the early black and white moments...
(His improvised magic routine is priceless! Infinitely better than the original script's version)
Kym:
To the merry land of Oz, where he goes from playing the shameless narcissist only out for himself, to grow into the brave rogue facing danger with charming reluctance, right up until the great firework filled finale!
Rob:
Although other actors would've been able to pull the role off, I can't imagine anyone doing it with Robert Downey Jr's flair.
Kym:
Especially the romantic scenes. If read completely straight, I can't see any chemistry working between Oz and Glinda. She's just too goody goody on her own, without the flirtatious Downey bringing out the best in her.
Rob:
It's interesting to think what would've become of the film without Downey. It's by no means a bad film, but...
Kym:
I know what you mean. A lot of the movie would just fall sort of flat. You really need someone who can add some zaniness to the role without becoming too ridiculous. Someone devilish, but lovable. A good possibility would've been Johnny Depp.
No question, the man can play a complete scoundrel that steals the show, and somehow still manage to make him both human and relatable. Not an easy task by any means.
Kym:
I know I might be biased thanks to Titanic, but I think Leonardo DiCaprio would've also been an excellent choice.
Rob:
The man does period pieces amazingly well, no question, and has a 'trickster' air about him. Another radical choice might have been Jim Carrey. He's about due for another crack at a mainstream role, and despite what you think of his more ridiculous movies, he really puts a lot of heart into his performances.
Kym:
All fascinating choices. Still...I have the uncomfortable suspicion that Hollywood/the director Sam Raimi could've made a really bad choice here, choosing someone completely wrong for the part in every way.
Rob:
John Cusack?
(Wow, I'm in Oz! I'm so charmingly befuddled!)
Kym:
No, someone that bad, but a bit more 'pretty boy'-ish...
Rob:
Colin Farrell?
(So I stare in this direction and say my lines, right?)
Kym:
GOD NO! Something even blander. Basically an amalgam of bland, hackneyed, attractive, and talentless...
Rob:
The living would envy the dead. I can't stand that grinning, overacting douchebag.
(Just look at that grin. Tell me you wouldn't punch that face.)
Kym:
Ugh...don't even want to think about it. It's worse than that dimension where Titanic starred Macaulay Culkin and Christina Applegate. (We came close in this dimension too. Look it up.)
Rob:
Well, just to sate everyone's curiosity, I've created what I think would be an exact replica of what his performance would look like.
Kym:
Alright, let's see it.
(I'm Oz!)
Rob:
Nailed it.
Kym:
Well, let's just be glad that didn't happen. Still, even with Downey's perfect performance, the movie did have its flaws. Its overuse of unimpressive CGI backgrounds being the worst of them.
Rob:
I'm not sure why they felt green screens were a better idea than fabrication, when the fabricated backgrounds of Oz is part of what makes the original so memorable. It's even worse in 3D, with the characters standing out in front of the cartoony backdrops making it seem even more unrealistic and jarring.
Kym:
It's a real shame. The worst parts are definitely where they're floating or flying around Oz. Compared to similar scenes of travel in movies like Lord of the Rings, Oz looks pitifully animated.
Rob:
Another problem with the witches. Specifically, their 'appearance'.
Kym:
What is it? The over-designed clothing? The obviously prosthetic facial features?
Rob:
It's their boobs.
Kym:
Pardon?
Rob:
To be a witch in Oz, good or evil, you need three specific things:
1. A designated compass direction
2. Magical powers
3. Perfect C-cup breasts
(check, check, and check)
Kym:
Wow, I never thought I'd see the day where you'd complain about gratuitous cleavage.
Rob:
There's a time and place for everything, and granted I'm a lot more 'forgiving' than most when movie makers give their female characters revealing clothing, I draw the line at the Wicked Witch.
(No. Just....no.)
Rob:
In a world where the internet shows us a sexy version of everything, the Wicked Witch is not a place I want to see it. She's the ultimate wicked old crone, complete dried up and as ugly as she is evil. So who do they cast for the role?
(Hint: it's not Lisa Lampanelli.)
Kym:
Well she isn't evil and transformed until near the end. Up until that point she's supposed to be beautiful. Then after she transforms...
Rob:
She's still beautiful! Granted, she's not as gorgeous, with an obvious fake nose/chin and green skin, but her skin is flawless, her figure's still perfect, and although she's not a perfect 10, she's at least a 9. Basically, she looks like Kirk's alien girlfriend in Star Trek.
(How about a little FIRE Scarecro...hello? Eyes up here!)
Rob:
There's a scene near the end where all three witches are together, each showing an incredible amount of cleavage, and then for several minutes they do nothing but take turns leaning forward.
Kym:
And YOU'RE complaining?
Rob:
It's just so out of place here. Speaking of which, so were the 'epic' magical fight scenes.
Rob:
Why are we seeing this in a wizard of Oz movie? Flying, magical energies colliding, it's all just so...
Kym:
Harry Potter-ish?
Rob:
Exactly! It's something right out of Harry Potter, and not in a good way either. More in a derivative 'copy' sort of way. The Wicked Witch even flies like the Death Eaters, and lands with the same fiery impact!
(Pictured above: Vol-her-mort)
Kym:
Yeah, we probably didn't need the Wizardly duel in there. Despite all these minor issues, the movie does show us some great things. In fact, for every incredibly fake CGI background, there's a wonderful CGI character.
The good flying monkey 'Finley' helping our hero has a surprising amount of facial expression, and a great sense of humor to boot. He's like a personal mini-Nathan Lane, which I'm not gonna lie, I'd really like to have in real life.
(He's housebroken, right?)
Kym:
The evil flying monkeys were quite intimidating, and a LOT more impressive than the original versions. I'd rather fight 100 of the original versions than one of these nightmares:
Kym:
And last but not least...hey honey, want to look at a scene with a CGI character that some have called 'heart warming'?
Of course, although I must warn you, I'm not easily swayed to emotion by movies.
Rob:
*10 minutes of uninterrupted sobbing*
Kym:
You were saying, dear?
Sh-she's just so... *2 more minutes of bawling*
Kym:
Yeah, it's hard to not feel touched by the little China Doll Girl.
*Sniff* She's just so sweet and delicate and just needs to be held and protected...
Kym:
The creators really hit it out of the park with that character. I also liked how they tied the opening black and white scenes with the rest of the movie, introducing characters that would later be represented by counterparts in Oz, just like in the original. For instance, there's this little girl who can't walk, representing the China girl...
*WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!*
Kym:
Oh for the love of... let's just move on.
Rob:
*Sniff* Okay.
Kym:
Anyway, the film parallels a lot with the original Wizard of Oz, and there's a lot of nice little touches and cameos. For example, I always wondered where the Scarecrow and Tin Woodsman came from, and why the people of the Emerald city were so well prepared to help them.
But since they know how to make Scarecrows and automatons such as Tin Woodsmen, it's insinuated that they made both, which all makes sense, in a weird way. They even explain why the Munchkins have such nice clothes.
Kym:
Which is...uh...they make nice clothes.
Rob:
Not the deepest explanation, but it works. It all builds up to a climactic ending that works really well. I won't ruin it for you, but after the two evil witches capture the good witch, Oz then shows up to save the day, and after that things get a little NC-17 for the rest of the film.
(No complaints from Rob!)
(Or Kym either.)
Kym:
That is, of course, if this dimension's version is the same as the one we saw in the other dimension, right after our marathon of watching all 8 seasons of Angel, back to back.
The movies must be the same. I just can't imagine it being any other way. I mean, who would turn down Robert Downey Jr for such a role? And why would they do it?
Kym:
I can just see it: "CUT! Robert, you're improvising again, with hilarious lines! How dare you try to improve MY masterpiece! One more time and I'll replace you with a talentless grinning hack! That'll show everyone how brilliant I am!"
Yeah, doesn't quite seem realistic. Compared to that, the Merry Old Land of Oz seems quite plausible.
...
Rob's rating (school style): A-
Kym's rating (rent/buy/ignore): buy immediately on blu ray!
Oz the Great and Powerful (if somehow starring some grinning douchebag instead)
Rob's rating: B-
Kym's rating: buy on blu ray when cheap
...
(Rob: If I see green boobs in a movie again, they better be on She-Hulk.)
