Kym:
Wait, we're reviewing the olympics?
Rob:
Eh, the snowboarding SFX is completely unbelievable.
I can see the strings.
Kym:
Better yet, since there's still nothing in the movie theaters, how about we review a few Olympic themed movies. Luckily, virtually all movies about the Olympics are about the Winter one, and not the Summer.
Rob:
Well, movies unfortunately tend to be very 'white people-centric', and we tend to excel in sports involving skating and hockey.
For us, by us
Kym:
Not to discount the achievements of the athletes in the Winter Olympics, but it is a little shameful that the only Olympic themed movie that immediately comes to mind that doesn't revolve around white characters is our first movie, Cool Runnings.
Rob:
The next closest is Space Jam.
Still more historically accurate than 'Hoosiers'
Rob:
For those not completely up to speed on the story/history:
1. They're from Jamaica.
2. They have a bobsled team.
Kym:
Feel the rhythm! Feel the rhyme! Get on up, its bobsled time!
Rob:
One thing to get out right away is that this was a very intentionally goofy movie. Personally, I think they went a bit overboard with the goofiness, to the point it detracted a little from the inspirational moments.
Sanka Cofie's famous Oscar winning scene. Yes, that is his character's name.
Rob:
We also have a very clean and family friendly Jamaica, whereas the real poorer areas look less like beach bungalows and more like the worst parts of Miami.
Kym:
It is loosely based on real events though, although the characters and their personal stories are all fictionalized. Derice, the main character, was indeed a man who dreamed of being in the Olympics, and after failing to make it into the Summer events, he puts together a Jamaican Bobsled team!
Who hasn't dreamed of doing the same at some point in their lives?
Rob:
Only his name wasn't Derice. It was the surprisingly unethnic sounding Winston Watts. And although the movie didn't go into what his character did for a living, in real life he was a military man, who served in the Jamaican National Guard.
Pictured above: the real team, looking quite cool, actually. Dig the 80's stache.
Kym:
Well they had to add a bit in order to make it a full movie, but they probably could've added a bit more of the real story, considering how impressive it is.
Rob:
Although I liked John Candy's performance, his character 'the former champion who coaches them' didn't actually exist. The team made it all the way on their own (again, reality was even more inspiring), but I guess they wanted an immediately recognizable actor in there.
Passing him off as 100% Jamaican was probably off the table.
Kym:
One of the best things about the movie is its smart use of actual footage from the 1988 Olympics. Despite the differences in the characters/story, the movie brings you to the real events with the actual footage, complete with the team's real highs and lows, including its dramatic finale.
Rob:
All in all, it's a goofy, but inspirational and fun movie. Despite what they said in that Futurama episode, they did have quite a bit of success, including outperforming many of the more competitive teams, and winning a championship in Monaco.
Kym:
It's all the more relevant today, now that Jamaica is competing in bobsledding again!
Go get em guys!
...
Rob:
Arguably the most 'USA! USA! USA!'-iest of any movie poster ever.
Kym:
The 70's history montage was a little out of place at the beginning. I know it's important to show why America was so down at the time, and in dire need of a morale boost....but this is a little ridiculous.
Rob:
They seem to be suggesting that this hockey team was responsible for single-handedly taking down all of America's enemies at once, which was actually a combined result of Sylvester Stallone in Rocky 4 and Rambo 2.
Ben Affleck may have helped out a bit as well.
Rob:
Seriously though, the over-solemness of the opening kind of comes off as a little silly. Regardless of the backdrop and situation, it's just hockey. Important hockey, yes, but perhaps not quite as important as the moon landing.
Kym:
After that, the movie dives into the construction of the team, and the thought process of the man both putting it together and coaching it, Herb Brooks.
Rob:
The first, and last time a 'Herb' was relevant.
Kym:
More than anything else, his most important contribution was getting them to put together a team that he cold mold into the perfect opponent for the Soviets at the next Winter Olympics, instead of just taking a handful of great players and throwing them together. They have a very interesting point in the movie on All-Star teams, and why putting together a bunch of large egos doesn't actually result in success.
Or in some cases it does....
...but often it doesn't.
Kym:
I really liked the production values and small touches in this movie. They really brought the era back to life, and it's the little things that stand out, like old fashioned board games, old hairstyles, and classic cars.
Rob:
And that little kid's cool Indiana Jones costume! Man, is he ever in for a disappointment during his 30's.
It was a simpler, better time....before the number 4 came around....
Rob:
God, I hate Shia Labeouf.
Kym:
It's not entirely his fault, you know. There were also aliens and dumb SFX.
Rob:
Yes, but Shia will serve as a more than adequate whipping boy.
And I know someone who has a whip...
Rob:
Coach-centric sports movies are nothing new, of course.
Kym:
The most famous one that comes to mind is Remember the Titans, but what really stands out in Miracle is how rough and demanding coach Herb is.
Rob:
I like the 'good coach' - 'bad coach' routine he has with Dr. Jenner...er...Craig Patrick.
Kym
His abusive style was to the point it almost resulted in PTSD for the players. Remember the Titans would've been a bit different that way....
Good job with all the racial equality! Now run laps until you all go insane! Now do it again!
Kym:
I thought the movie was a little long, however. It takes a hell of a lot of time before we even see the team play a real hockey game.
Rob:
There's no denying that the final act is amazing.
Kym:
The 'big game' at the end is where the production values really pay off. It really feels like you're at the Olympics.
Rob:
We won't say any more, and spoil the ending.
Kym:
You might be a little late there, dear.
Spoilers: USA! USA! USA!
...
Kym:
What's better than winning a gold medal? Falling in love!
Rob:
Especially if that woman is Moira Kelly.
There's no way I'm gonna give up hock...I'M IN.
Kym:
*Sigh* Anyway, this our favorite of our Olympic triathlon of movies, a romantic comedy about a bitchy figure skater falling in love with a washed out hockey playing caveman.
Rob:
Starring Eric Lindros and Brian Boitano.
Cue music...
Kym:
That'd be an interesting remake, but no. This one stars Moira Kelly and D.B. Sweeney, and it's really thanks to them that the movie was such a success. They had marvelous chemistry together, and even if they weren't really in love, it's obvious they were both having a really good time.
Rob:
I love the playful romantic jabbing they both give back and forth, challenging and picking on each other. It also makes the earlier parts of the film a lot funnier and more entertaining than your average Rom Com.
Kym:
The best scene in the movie is their first skate, where our Hockey playing hero has trouble keeping his balance on figure skates, and boy does our taunting heroine rub it in.
Kym:
Gotta love it.
Rob:
You have to. It's science.
Kym:
The plot may not be anything too new, as it's more or less a typical 'Lady and the Tramp' setup, with the rich spoiled princess meeting the gruff womanizing neanderthal...
Rob:
Yes, a tale as old as time, and as true as it can be. Barely even friends, and then somebody bends unexpectedly. Just a little change, small to say the least...
Kym:
That's enough, dear.
Rob:
Just wanted to get that stuck in everyone's heads.
Next week it's Song of the South.
Kym:
Another weakness is the obvious constraints of the budget. These production values are LOW.
The Olympics...or your average state college ice ring....whichever...
Rob:
I honestly couldn't tell when they were at major competitions. Everything just looked so generic. Another drawback was the forgettable supporting cast. Not bad, just forgettable.
Kym:
Yes, but their wonderful performances and amazing romantic chemistry really save the day, bringing us the best Olympic movie ever! There weren't any other contenders, were there?
Rob:
Uh...perhaps Chariots of Fire?
Kym:
What's that one about?
Rob:
Uh...a beach....running....and a soundtrack?
Kym:
Cutting Edge it is.
Also, the only one to get mediocre direct to TV sequels, the true measure of theatrical success.
...
Rob:
Weird fact time! Moira Kelly from The Cutting Edge has a hell of a range. She's not only played an Olympian falling in love, but also a femme fatale in Twin Peaks, Nala in the Lion King, and even Helen Keller!
Kym:
Now-a-days she does a lot more TV work, starring in shows like One Tree Hill and the West Wing, and winning awards for the latter.
Rob:
Overall, she did quite a bit better than her hockey hunk D.B. Sweeney. Although his career didn't go 'terribly', he basically got stuck as a character actor, doing a lot of low budget movies and TV shows.
Kym:
He did win quite a few awards for his performance in the movie 'Two Tickets to Paradise'.
Rob:
Know who else starred in that award winning movie? Moira Kelly.
Kym:
Toe pick!
