Kym:
After a RIDICULOUSLY long drought in good summer movies, we finally have a sci-fi epic worth seeing!
Rob:
In this Syfy channel classic...
Kym:
NO, NO, and again, NO yet AGAIN. Instead, we've finally made it to the next Marvel movie! This time it's the incredibly obscure Guardians of the Galaxy! Where do these guys come from again?
Rob:
Judging by the dark, dirty ship, misfit band of losers, and our main hero's jacket, I'd say 'Firefly'.
That guy stole my outfit! And ship! And overall character design!
Kym:
It is sort of like Firefly mixed with Star Trek aliens, but I meant the original comic book.
Rob:
Which itself was basically a ripoff of Star Wars. Marvel wanted to get into the cosmic space adventure comics, with mixed success. Their most popular series were the ones revolving around looking for the infinity stones....which itself sounds a bit like the plot to the Doctor Who Key of Time series.
Kym:
So many layers of geekiness. It's like a Russian Doll, only each layer is sadder than the last.
Rob:
In this layer, we bring Superheroes and Supervillains into space, so let's meet our band of mifits!
Chris Pratt plays the character that made him the success he is today: Chris Pratt.
Rob:
Going for a wackier/zanier version of Kirk (multi-colored girlfriends included), Chris Pratt is 'Starlord', a gun toting space cowboy with a few tricks up his sleeve. Personally, I really liked his performance and character. He's about 80% Malcom Reynolds, but what's wrong with that?
Kym:
Eh, he's alright, but he doesn't 'do it for me' like Thor and Captain America. Anyway, his character comes complete with generic tragic backstory and a predictable inbuilt romantic tension with his second mate, Gamora.
They're sort of like Spock and Kirk, only with not as much sexual tension.
Kym:
I thought she was kind of generic. She really didn't add much to the story, besides as a means to move the plot along.
Rob:
In the same Thor/Cap vein, I'm afraid Gamora's no 'Black Widow'. Not only is Scarlett Johansson a better actress, I also think she looks a lot better. Gamora could use a space sammich or two.
Kym:
All that aside, I wouldn't say she did a 'bad' job, just not an overly impressive one. Her character fell sort of flat.
Rob:
I was actually more interested in her foil, the beautiful and dangerous cyborg Nebula.
Rob:
When you think about it, having very few morals, and being willing to literally do anything, even destroy worlds in order to stop Thanos, sounds like she would've been a much more interesting addition to the group that the generic Gamora.
Kym:
Eh, that's sort of Drax the Destroyer's bit, played by Jose Bautista.
For the ladies who have no interest in 'pretty boy' characters.
Kym:
I was actually impressed by his performance! Not many pro wrestlers make the jump from ring to screen as well as he has, and he was funny to boot!
Rob:
He did fine, but they sort of made the part a bit simple, without too many emotions besides 'anger', so he could perform it without too much trouble. I like to call that the 'Arnold' treatment. Personally, I thought Rocket was funnier.
Love the 'Red 5' Star Wars spacesuit!
Kym:
I was a little skeptical when I learned that the movie would include a CGI raccoon character, but they really pulled him off well, by making him both the smartest and insane character in the group!
Rob:
You gotta love the 'Mad Scientist' character that's ready to start shooting the moment someone looks at him funny. I too was worried they'd make him 'Jar Jar' goofy, but they kept his character very smart and lively. The goofiness they instead put into Groot.
Killing is fun!
Kym:
They made him a really cute and funny side character, sort of the 'Chewbacca' type of sidekick character.
Rob:
Which is a large step forward, considering he was sort of a 'one joke' character before the movie. I like what Vin Diesel did with the part, doing multiple takes and carefully choosing which sounded the best for each scene.
Kym:
I'm amazed I cared as much for the character as I did, but by the end I was sincerely touched by his scenes. That leaves us with the pretty dull and generic villain 'Ronan the Accuser'.
Rob:
He's basically just a cross between Thor and Loki....and judging by some of the art I've seen on the internet, is a child that actually could have happened.
This is your fault, Fangirls!
Kym:
Ewww...thanks for that mental image. So anyway, he wasn't that remarkable of a villain, but I think that's what they were going for. They wanted someone obviously evil and dangerous, but not someone who will upstage the other actors.
Rob:
I'm not sure what even to call that. A 'character villain'? All in all, he like the plot were sort of a 'softball' approach by Marvel with this movie. They just wanted to set up a very normal and easy to understand sci-fi/action plot, and let the characters run amok through it.
Kym:
I know that all we've said here may make it seem as if we didn't enjoy the movie, but honestly, we did. We're just not singing its praises like some other critics and geeks are. It's a well made and enjoyable Marvel movie, but it just didn't have the depth of some of the others.
Rob:
I liked it a little more than she did. What it DID have, that really helped it shine, was amazing pacing. There are really no slow parts of the movie at all. They kept the story lean and exciting, all while keeping it hovering near the 2 hour mark.
Basically, this happens at least every 20 minutes.
So if you haven't seen it yet, or are up for a good night at the movies, I recommend the Guardians of the Galaxy. They deserve your money a LOT more than the new Ninja Turtles do, and you'll have a lot more fun to boot!
Rob:
Space battles, sci-fi action, great characters, and loads of laughs! I think this one is worth seeing a few times, even if it's just to see Starlord and Rocket goof around.
Kym:
It may not be 'The Avengers', but it's a very good time! Oh wait, and don't forget about Merle!
Michael Rooker is Merle Dixon as Blue Merle Dixon.
...[Rob: a week later I went with my sisters, and Amber wanted to contribute her opinions as well.]
...
Amber:
I'm marrying Chris Pratt.
THE END
Rob:
Uh...anything else you'd like to add to that?
Amber:
Rob:
Just a tad.
Amber:
Okay, then we can go on. Basically, it's like the Avengers meets Firefly, only without the Joss Whedon creepiness.
J. W.: "I want Mrs. Johansson tied to a chair, sweaty, and barefoot. Perfect!"
Rob:
Yeah, I don't understand the feet thing.
Amber:
The main selling point of the movie is really the characters, starting with my aforementioned fiancee, Chris Pratt. Is it his funny attitude, or his looks that draw us towards him?
A little of column A, a little of column B...
Starlord is basically our 'chosen one' hero with a dark past, but I really like how he doesn't let it weigh him down. He's a bit dark, but not brooding or whiny.
Rob:
Yeah, I'm a real sucker for that sort of character. Chris Pratt really does a good job as the 'goofy hero' character.
Amber:
Are you trying to say something?
Rob:
I'm saying that I might be a threat to your marriage.
It's not gay if it's Chris Pratt.
Amber:
My biggest complaint was with Gamora, and basically the way these movies portray female characters in general. They're always either being threatened by men, chastising men, in mortal danger that the male characters would have no trouble getting out of, and so forth.
Yeah, it is kind of strange that she was taken hostage so easily by a couple prisoners with shivs. If that happened to a male character, we would've wondered what happened, but these movies just take women as being 'helpless' for granted.
Amber:
All while wearing something meant for Playboy's 'Women of Star Wars' issue.
Amber:
It's really difficult to ignore that everyone's plot revolves around either women in trouble or women dead. We have a dead wife, a dead daughter, a dead mother, and Gamora, who's completely defined by her relationship with her evil father. And their big character development involves either joining the male villain or betraying him, meaning literally every aspect of their characters are defined by men.
Rob:
We can probably blame some of this on the original source material though. Comic books aren't really known for strong and independent female characters, especially from before the 1990's. On that note, what did you think of Ronan.
Amber:
Who?
Rob:
Uh...blue, hammer guy.
Yup, that's how I remember him.
He really wasn't that well defined. He's apparently angry about a war and the peace treaty that resulted from it, but none of it is explained very well. Does the treaty screw over his people, or is he just angry at Xandar and their Nova Corps?
Who live on the Mass Effect Citadel, apparently.
Amber:
That whole sub-plot isn't well defined either. I mean, why are we assuming that Xandar is a nice place? They never seem to argue that Ronan and the Kree shouldn't hate them. Did they commit a few war crimes during their conflict?
Rob:
Wouldn't surprise me. Even though everyone keeps acting like Xandar is the nicest place in the galaxy, when our main heroes are 'accused' of a crime, they're immediately shipped to a dangerous and corrupt maximum security prison, without a trial! Or if there was a trial, it was over in a day! That sounds more like a fascist nightmare than Star Trek to me.
Where should we put the accused, who haven't had access to an attorney? With all the serial killers and sex offenders, of course!
Amber:
Yeah, there was a LOT unexplained. They somehow managed to have too much exposition while simultaneously forgetting to explain anything, giving us sort of a weak plot and a generic 'space battle over a city' ending that Marvel is obsessed over these days, but despite all these complaints, I did enjoy it.
Rob:
Favorite part?
Amber:
Definitely the characters. Despite being a flawed movie, the characters really saved it, and made it a fun sci-fi action flick. I'm not watching the hell out of it like the Lego Movie, but I wouldn't mind seeing it again.
Rob:
Anything else you'd like to add?
Amber:
Please RSVP for Chris Pratt and I's wedding by the end of the month.
Rob:
Of course.
Amber:
Please specify beef or chicken.
Rob:
Thanks for joining us.
Amber:
Cash bar.
...
Rob's Rating: B+
Kym's Rating: B
Amber's Rating: B-
