Fall TV Lineup

Kym:

We're continuing our break from new movies for the moment, because Contagion was 'okay, but dull'...


Rob:

And we weren't exactly sure how to stretch thee words into a full page.


Kym:

Exactly, so instead we're going to take a look at some of the new TV shows that have come out this season, staring with...





Kym:

The Playboy Club!


Rob:

Which was already cancelled!


Kym:

So very cancelled!


Rob:

Basically, they took a format for a female focused drama, put them in supposedly 'skimpy' dresses, and then get terrible writers to create everything.


Kym:

Yeah, it just wasn't very good at all. Although I thought you'd like all the girls, in a 'Hooters Waitress' sort of way.


Rob:

Meh. Bunny outfits weren't exactly revealing. I've seen co-workers in skimpier outfits at work. R-I-P-B-N-Y.





Rob:

Now here's a show that gets the same formula right. It's another female focused drama, but it's smart, and the female stars are all remarkably sexy in their flight attendant outfits, without showing barely any skin at all.


Kym:
So far it's a well crafted story, and it's not just about the female characters. The guys are funny and interesting as well. They also did a really good job recreating the time period, and the great jets.


Rob:

Also, it stars Christina Ricci, rocking a Mary Tyler Moore haircut, who's never looked better.


Kym:

Why do guys always obsess on how the female characters look? Noticing and mentioning is one thing, but sometimes it's all you guys talk about.


Rob:

Fine! The male characters are hot too! Happy?



Kym:

Much bet...wait, what?





Rob:

Nevermind, we're already on to the next show, X-Factor: AKA American Idol!



Kym:

American Idol is new?


Rob:

It is if we change the name, and replace the black judge who wears glasses with another black guy who wears glasses!



Kym:

Uh...no it isn't.


Rob:

I guess you're right, it isn't. Disqualified!






Kym:

This is my personal favorite new show of the fall season! It's a good old fashioned revenge story...


Rob:

That's not a figure of speech, either. It is a good old fashioned revenge story: the Count of Monte Cristo. It's not a rip-off though, but an homage. I also really enjoyed watching Emily VanCamp get her terrible revenge week after week.



Kym:

I like how the story is slowly unfolding, with every person who wronged her family each getting their just desserts.


Rob:

Kind of makes me wonder how they plan to make the series last more than a season or two. Oh well, here's to hoping that it does well, so we can find out.



Kym:

Not going to drool over the female cast members?


Rob:

Another meh. Most of the actresses on the show need sammiches. The only exception is the evil Matriarch 'Victoria', played by Madeline Stowe. She's like a cross between a Disney evil stepmother, and a Playboy model. I approve. All in all, I'm going to keep watching, even though it's not really a show targeted toward men.



Kym:

What do you mean? I think guys will like it too.


Rob:

Come on, it's being advertised as the 'dishiest' show on television. I don't even know what that means! No man does!



Kym:

Well I disagree, but we'll move on.





Kym:

We may be a little prejudiced with this one. You see, a while back Fox cancelled a very good show called 'Lie to Me', starring Tim Roth, and replaced it with the X-Factor...


Rob:

American Idol 2: This time, it's exactly the same.


Kym:

...and this show, Terra Nova. Still, I'm willing to give any show a fighting chance. Basically, the future sucks, and there's a time portal that leads 85 million years into the past, where the characters start a new life.



Rob:

Which is annoying, because I found the crowded, dirty, dis-utopian future quite interesting, and the special effects creating it were pretty good.




Kym:

Yeah, but in the past we have dinosaurs! Not exactly Summer Blockbuster quality dinosaurs, but they look alright for a TV show. From there we have survival, warring camps, and overall a cross between 'Lost' and 'Land of the Lost'.


Rob:

Honestly, I wasn't very impressed with it at all. There was very little drama, very poor chemistry...


Kym:

And way too many 'angsty teenagers in love' sub-plots.


Rob:

I also had trouble believing how many problems the people from the future were having. For starters, why do they have supply problems? Can't the future just send them more? And why are the guns so ineffective against the dinosaurs? I mean, we have guns in real life that will tear a T-Rex to shreds in seconds, but their laser guns merely piss the dinosaurs off?



Kym:

I should have expected my fiance to have some 'nerd rage' concerning the show.


Rob:

Also, all the walls around their fort look like crap! Is that the best the future has? We have time portals, but not secure fences? And what's with the slowly moving gate into town? With killer dinosaurs around, you'd think they'd close quickly...


Kym:

So anyway, the show isn't that impressive. I like the special effects, but there just isn't much interesting here. I'd much rather watch 'The Walking Dead', which gets the survivalist genre down much better.


Rob:

...and where the hell are the computers? And shouldn't the people in the future already know how well things are going? Aren't there fossil/archeological records of their fort? If the future still sucks, aren't they guaranteed to ultimately fail? And what happens when primitive man comes around and...


Kym:

Sigh...I think we should just take a break now, and let my future hubby get the geeky ranting out of his system.



Rob:

And the diseases! Don't even get me started on all the ramifications of...


Kym:

See you next week!

Super Summer Blockbuster Edition!

Kym:

We're taking a break from our normal setup this week, partially because the last couple movie's we've seen were....


Rob:

Not very memorable.


Kym:

That isn't to say they were bad. For example...





Kym:

Captain America was a lot of fun! There was plenty of action, great special effects, and setting the whole thing during WW2 made it far more unique than the average superhero movie.


Rob:

For you ladies out there, I bet the hunky Captain didn't hurt either. The main problem with the movie was that it really didn't take any risks. The whole thing plays out exactly as you'd expect it to, without any real groundbreaking or shocking moments. You can pretty much guess how everything goes from the trailer alone.


Kym:

You can't really blame Marvel for being careful with this entry. The last thing they need is one of their super hero movies to bomb before the Avengers movie comes out. All in all, I have no complaints, but it just doesn't 'wow' me in the same way most of the other Marvel movies do.





Rob:

How could they screw up a movie about Cowboys and Aliens, starring two huge Hollywood actors? Well...they didn't, actually. It's a very good movie, but all things considered, it's just a fairly typical Western, only with a really huge budget. It makes you wonder if they would have been better off having the whole thing take place in modern day, instead of a 150ish years ago.


Kym:

Harrison Ford did a great job in a very tough role to pull off, but Daniel Craig on the other hand just seemed sort of out of place. Making a British actor a western cowboy was a very questionable choice for the movie.


Rob:

What the average movie viewer wanted was a campy science fiction story set in the old west. What they got was a dead serious western that included sci-fi elements. The creators missed the mark, lost out on a lot of audiences, and wound up with a movie that was good, but at the same time, not particularly noteworthy. Aside from some impressive looking aliens.


Kym:

Anyway, with that out of the way, this week we're going to go over some of our all time favorite Summer Blockbusters, which we consider to be a genre in itself. Sure, these movies may at their heart be sci-fi, fantasy, horror, or an action flick, but what really defines these movies are all the things we associate with 'Blockbuster Movies'.


Rob:

Big budgets, big name stars, ear shattering explosions, rocking sound tracks, simple themes, no more than a PG-13 rating, mid-summer release date, and a complete and utter lack of strong female characters.



Kym:

That's ri...wait, what? What do actresses have to do with it?


Rob:

A trademark of huge summer blockbusters has become, over time, the complete and utter absence of any strong female characters. They may have a positive attitude, and be good characters in their own right, but mark my words, by the last act they'll be trapped and powerless, praying for their 'man' to come save them.



Kym:

I'm going to stop you right there, love. Last thing we need is another rant like last time's.



Rob:

Transformers is a perfect example though! The female characters act strong and tough, but by the end they're face down on the ground, desperately needing to be rescued.



Kym:

Sigh...shouldn't I be the one making this sort of argument? Oh well, let's move on to what does and does not count as a Blockbuster. Some examples of movies that do count as Summer Blockbusters are Jaws (the original Summer Blockbuster), Aliens, Transformers, the Terminator movies, Star Trek...


Rob:

The 2009 one. Despite most Star Trek movies being 'geeky' niche movies, they really designed the recent Star Trek to be a crowd pleasing, big budget blockbuster...which is ultimately the best definition of a Summer Blockbuster. It's a movie that's specifically 'designed' to be a Summer Blockbuster. From start to finish, it had to be designed with profits and mass appeal in mind, more so than anything else.



Kym:

Again, this doesn't mean they're inferior to other types of movies. It just means that ultimately, the creators have different goals when creating these movies than they do with normal films. Moving on to examples of movies that may have been 'big' and 'came out in the summer', but aren't really Summer Blockbusters: Unforgiven...


Rob:

It was a great movie that was commercially successful, and came out during the summer, but it's obvious that they didn't intend it to be a movie for everyone.



Kym:

Most superhero movies and movies based on book series don't count either, as they're usually meant to appeal mainly to the fans of the heroes and/or books. Again, they often come out during the summer, with big budgets, but they're not first and foremost a Blockbuster movie. They're first and foremost an adaptation.


Rob:

Finally, most kids movies don't count, because they follow the same pattern of release and presentation regardless of what time of the year they're released.



Kym:

And so, without further ado, here are our top 3 Summer Blockbuster movies of all time!





Kym:

Will Smith really made the movie. Although it still would have had the great special effects and action, it just wouldn't have been the same without him trash talking with aliens.


Rob:

You know what it would have been? '2012'. That's right, this movie was one John Cusack away from disaster.



Kym:

*Shudder* It's scary to think about. Another thing that really made the movie great were the weird and scary aliens, which were a far cry from the little gray men we were all used to before that, or the pure CGI monsters that are popular now (and are far less convincing, all things considered).


Rob:

Sure, the movie was far from flawless. Some of the plot holes were fairly large (some, like how they hacked an alien computer, were answered in deleted scenes), it dragged at some points, and the plane to plane combat at the end wasn't nearly as impressive as most of the other special effects, but it was still a lot of fun, and you have to give props for Pullman, with his ridiculously patriotic speech at the end.



Kym: That's our #3 favorite. #2 is...





Kym:

Sure, most or all the movie is ridiculously over the top, complete with machine guns mounted on lunar rovers, but it was still a LOT of fun, with great special effects, many hilarious characters, numerous amazing scenes in real life NASA locations, and great performances from all the actors involved. That's not even mentioning the legendary soundtrack! I bet you can hear it now, can't you?


Rob:

I don't wanna close my eyeeeeeeeeeeees...I don't wanna fall asleep...


Kym:

They also added a few tragic moments to add to the suspense. All in all, all the elements combined together really well, and we're left with one of the most enjoyable Summer Blockbusters of all time!



Rob:

I go craaaaaaaaaaazy...craaaaaaaaazy...




Kym:

Wait, I don't remember that Aerosmith song being in the movie.


Rob:

Sorry, I got thinking about Liv Tyler, and my mind sort of wandered.


Kym:

Sigh...


Rob:

On that note, her performance in this movie reinforces my 'weak women in Summer Blockbusters' hypothesis. At the start she's a strong, independent woman, but by the end she's spending all her time praying that the all male crew (aside from the female pilot who doesn't actually do anything) will save her, while she's not simultaneously pining for her fiance, or crying over daddy.



Kym:

A lot of your 'prime examples' are Michael Bay movies, dear. I'm not quite sure if this is a symptom of Summer Blockbusters, or just a bad habit of Michael Bay. Anyway, let's move on to our #1 Summer Blockbuster of all time:





Rob:

It may not have been the first true Summer Blockbuster, but it was the first 'modern mega blockbuster' that really guaranteed we'd have one Blockbuster to watch every summer until the end of time, followed by their numerous inferior sequels. Since it came out, movies and home defense have never been the same.


Kym:

Home defense?


Rob:

For anyone who grew up in the 90's, making sure your home is 'Velociraptor-proof' is a necessity.


Kym:

Anyway, Jurassic Park really set the bar for all other Blockbusters that came after it. With a high budget, great special effects, a hot cast (for the time), a bombastic soundtrack, ear-rending THX sound...



Rob:

and an all but useless female lead, this is ultra-violent PG-13 action at its best! The formula has been often imitated, but no other Summer Blockbuster has truly been the 'complete package' that Jurassic Park was.


Kym:

I just realized, Jeff Goldblum was in both our #3 and #1 pick. For an actor that's made fun of more than he's praised, he sure shows up a lot in some of our favorite movies.


Rob:

I think it just goes to show how bad of a reputation that most Summer Blockbusters have with critics and 'serious' movie lovers. Personally, I say that if you're watching a movie, and you enjoy it, then it's a good movie. Alright, maybe in ways it's less like fine cinema and more like porn, but at least it's GOOD porn.


Kym:

'Wonderful' analogy you have there, dear. So anyway, I guess what we're trying to say is that it's worth giving a lot of these old Summer Blockbusters a second look. You'd be surprised how well many of them hold up, even by today's standards. Don't forget the popcorn!


Rob:

And don't forget the Goldblum.

Robobots VS Kymcepticons

Kym:

Hey! Why do I have to be the Decepticons?


Rob:

It just sounds better. I tried Autokyms and Deceptirobs, but it just didn't roll off the tongue.


Kym:

*Sigh*...very well.





Rob:

Kym and I are usually on the same page when it comes to movies, 'Burlesque' aside...


Kym:

Oh come on, Burlesque wasn't that bad.


Rob:

You're just lucky I didn't notify the U.N. of the atrocities committed. The song and dance number 'I'll show you how to Burlesque' should have resulted in war trials.


Kym:

Back on topic, although we don't always completely agree, it's rare when we have a movie where we're sharply divided on, especially when that movie is an action blockbuster, like Transformers 3, which I found very funny and entertaining.


Rob:

Which I found half-assed, uninteresting, and at many points, downright ridiculous. Before we get into that, let's start on the first major change, the change-up in romantic interests for our hero.





Kym:

As you'd say, she could use a sammich. Also, I thought her lips looked weird. Collagen and/or Botox were definitely involved.


Rob:

I thought she looked alright. She definitely had the figure needed for the part. That said, I couldn't help but wish we had Megan Fox back. She has a certain something. An undefinable quality that...






Kym:

*Sigh* I'm just going to cut you off here, dear. I don't think there's much of a mystery here.


Rob:

*Ahem* Well, maybe not. Still, I think it's a worthwhile trade since Skids and Mudflap were thrown in with Megan Fox, and nixed from the movie.



Kym: Wait, which ones were....





Kym: Oh. Them.


Rob:

As a whole, Michael Bay's 'annoying racism' factor went down for this movie, which was a good thing. Still, the movie as a whole didn't make much sense, not because it was overly complicated, but because the movie never really explains why the characters do what they do, and what their reasoning may be. Instead, the story just jumps from scene to scene, without fully explaining how we got there.



Kym:

I gotta strongly disagree there. Sure, the movie doesn't have the intellectual depth of 'X-Men First Class', but by jumping from scene to scene quickly, the movie never gets boring. Instead, it jumps right from action to action. Besides, you of all people pointed out the plot holes of the previous Transformers movies.


Rob:

That alone shows you something. I was willing to forgive the previous movies because all their plot problems aside (Tigers in Africa? Egypt is a third world country, instead of a thriving tourism filled nation?) the movies kept upping the ante with the action, and if it didn't make a lot of sense, you could at least enjoy all the robot fights and explosions. Transformers 3, in comparison, didn't seem that thrilling to me. At least not enough to offset its weaknesses.


Kym:

You're being too hard on it. This was a solid, action packed 'Transformers movie', filled with tons of explosions, cool military scenes, a giant snake robot tearing up a city, and Optimus Prime kicking the crap out of everything in-between. Also, a few of the story twists were pretty interesting, especially regarding Sentinel Prime, voiced by Leonard Nimoy.



Rob:

No complaints with any of that, but I just couldn't take many of the scenes seriously. Here are some examples of the weak storytelling, and confusing plot holes:

1. Why don't any of the Decepticons have alarms or long distance communication? It takes them forever to figure out that the Autobots have entered the city at the end, long after the Autobots have killed some of them. Even an alarm would have done it. Lord knows what humanity will do when they discover walkie-talkies. Even smoke signals would have been an improvement.

2. Where did the missing Autobots from the second movie go? Not just Skids and Mudflap (which we can only pray are dead) but the girl motorcycle Autobots as well? You could just say they were killed off camera, but by who? There were no Decepticons around, and Optimus has the Matrix of leadership, which could have restored them if they were near death. Are we suggesting that human enemies managed to annihilate them completely, leaving nothing behind? No way. The real answer is they just weren't popular, and Michael Bay was too lazy to come up with an explanation.

3. Is the movie really suggesting that Optimus was trapped for a long time because he couldn't untangle himself from wires? Seriously? He's a transformer for Christ's sake! He wasn't even that tangled up! But no, he needs several other robots to help get him out.

4. I know this is sort of an 'action movie thing', but this movie stretched it to completely unbelievable levels: our office worker hero and his model girlfriend survive a gunfight, join up with the military, run several blocks, go up about 30 stories of stairs, have another desperate gun battle, nearly fall to their death, and then fight Star Scream in a high flying action scene. My point? At the end of all this, the main characters aren't even out of breath. The soldiers are trained for it, and action movies generally never get tired, but COME ON! If not the main guy, what about his skinny girlfriend? They just completed a 10 mile nonstop run, and they're not even winded.

5. One big scene depends on the Autobots surrendering to the Decepticons, and taken captive. WHY THE HELL WOULD THEY SURRENDER?!!! They know the Decepticons are not only going to enslave the world, but are also just going to kill them one by one if they give up, and this is precisely what happens. But no, instead of fighting to the end they patiently wait to be executed one by one. Well, this might be unfair of me to say. It's not like the Autobots were still armed....

6. Oh wait, they were STILL ARMED! When the Du Ex Machina distracts the Decepticons, the Autobots start firing away with their inbuilt guns, killing the Decepticons. So not only did they surrender, and the Decepticons not take their guns away, but the Autobots patiently waited to be killed one by one, while still armed with giant deadly weapons. Sweet Jesus....



Kym:

Rant much, dear?


Rob:

The movie just gave me so much to rant about.


Kym:

I think you're just over-analyzing things too much. It was a fun, brainless action flick. It's what we wanted to see, and it's what we got. I liked it.


Rob:

Did I mention that Michael Bay got caught reusing action scenes from 'The Island' in Transformers 3? For such a 'master of action movies', he couldn't even be bothered to make new action scenes. One word sums up Transformers 3 for me: LAZY.



Kym:

I just think you're being too difficult to please. This movie had the distinct advantage over the previous Transformers movies in that it didn't lag or get dragged down by unnecessary scenes. It kept moving right along and kept my interest from start to finish.


Rob:

Okay, I have to admit, there was still fun to be had, but I would have had just as much fun watching the first or second Transformers movies again. This movie was just a mindless re-hash with a weak story, and a ton of plot holes.


Kym: Oh well, we'll just have to agree to disagree. Personally, I had a lot of fun, and that's good enough for me.

...

Rob's Rating (school style): C

Kym's Rating (buy/rent/ignore): buy, unless you didn't like the first 2 Transformers movies.

Stand-By-Me-Ageddon (Super 8 and more)

Kym:

*Cracks Whip*


Rob:

Alright, alright, so I've fallen a little bit behind in posting our movie escapades. I'm going to use the copout that most of the movies were as we expected, and the reviews would be quite short.


Kym:

So this time we're going to have quite a few movies, to wrap up the early summer movies out there.





Rob:

If everyone felt the ground shake around May 6th, it was the sound of every woman in America's hormones bouncing around at once.


Kym:

It's difficult to top Jacob, the shirtless werewolf, but damn does Chris Hemsworth come close. No need for 'Green Lantern' CGI pecs here. Thor's 100% natural.


Rob:

SO ANYWAY....I like what they did with the story and characters. I mean, it's not like they would have been able to surprise the audience with who betrayed everyone. Hmm...was it Xena girl, asian guy, the fencer, the barbarian, or Loki the God of chaos and mischief? The mind boggles.


Kym:

They did change things around a bit, adding a few surprises here and there, but the main thing I like is they didn't just make another super hero movie. This movie's more of an adventure/fantasy, and it worked really well.


Rob:

Some of the fights were a little disappointing, but overall it was quite good. Any superhero movie that doesn't include the line 'with great power comes great responsibility' is alright in my book. Only one movie is allowed to have that line, and one only.


Kym:

Spiderman?


Rob:

Kung-Fu Hustle.



Kym:

*Sigh*

...

Rob's Rating (school style): B+

Kym's Rating (buy/rent/ignore): buy

...





Rob:

It's basically what you expect. No new surprises, aside from a standout performance from Penelope Cruz. They could have easily cut the movie length down a bit though. Several parts really drag, usually when Johnny Depp isn't on camera, and some scenes were completely unnecessary at all.



Kym: It was a good movie though, with fun action scenes, a few nice twists, and a typically hilarious performance from Johnny Depp.


Rob:

Whether you're there for Johnny Depp's humerous antics, or Penelope Cruz's glorious cleavage, you won't go away disappointed.



...

Rob's Rating (school style): C+

Kym's Rating (buy/rent/ignore): it all depends on how you like the Pirates series. For me, it's a buy.

...





Kym:

Wow! What a great movie!


Rob:

Indeed! I went in expecting a 'good' superhero movie, but was pleasantly surprised when I was instead served a fantastic cold-war spy thriller!


Kym:

They took some liberties with the story and characters, but it was all for the best, with Magneto being the haunted loose cannon, Professor X being the fun loving genius, and a great cast of supporting characters to keep everything moving along.



Rob:

I really liked how they expanded Mystique's character...although you would have thought that Professor X would have mentioned at some point that he grew up with Mystique, living as brother and sister.


Kym:

Yeah, and although Professor X and Magneto were supposed to build Cerebro together, according to X-Men 1, instead it was made entirely by Beast. All these issues are forgivable though, since the story and cast is so strong.


Rob:

The biggest surprise was seeing Kevin Bacon as the villain! That wasn't even advertised!


Kym:

I think they wanted to focus on the two male leads playing Magneto and Professor X.


Rob:

In an attempt to get girls interested, no doubt. I haven't seen this much sexual tension between two male leads since 'Sherlock Holmes'.


...

Rob's Rating (school style): A

Kym's Rating (buy/rent/ignore): BUY!

...





Kym:

Standard kids fare. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad either. The word I'd use is 'painless'. The animation is nice, but not anywhere near Pixar quality (then again, what is?). It's a little weird that the movie suggests that Pandas are nearly extinct because a villain killed them. The real reason is because of lost habitat, limited food supply, and an unwillingness to mate.


Rob:

If the males are all voiced by Jack Black, then you can't really blame them.


...

Rob's Rating (school style): C-

Kym's Rating (buy/rent/ignore): ignore unless a child related to you makes you go

...





Kym:

Another surprise hit, with great special effects, a nice plot, and fantastic direction!


Rob:

For me, the real standout performances in the film were all from the kids. I really liked that they spoke with each other just like real 12 year old boys do. They're crude, immature, and often ridiculous, without lowering themselves to sitcom levels.




Kym:

Their personalities really stood out as well. Like the the short spaz who loved fireworks and guns....


Rob:

I knew that kid.


Kym:

The quiet and emotional kid who likes models and is the first to fall in love.....


Rob:

I knew that kid.


Kym:

The scared kid who throws up a lot....


Rob:

I knew that kid.


Kym:

And the weird, chubby, obsessive kid who has a crush on the girl he has no chance with....


Rob:

I was that kid.


Kym:

This movie is a real crowd pleaser, without sinking to overly crude humor or gooey violence. Some people thought it was a little too similar to sci-fi movies of the past, but I think it's more than unique enough to stand on its own.


Rob:

The only complaints I had with the otherwise nearly flawless movie was that the big train wreck near the beginning seemed a little 'fake', and the alien, although being reasonably unique, was a bit to similar to the Cloverfield monster in many ways, which was also made by the same film studio, Bad Robot.


Kym:

These are nitpicky issues though. It's a wonderful film, and you should definitely see it, if you haven't already.

...

Rob's Rating (school style): A-

Kym's Rating (buy/rent/ignore): buy


...


ROB CRACKED UP KYM WHEN:


*In Thor, when Natalie Portman's character's life work is taken away, and she's emotionally crushed.*


Rob:

If 'Black Swan' is any indication, this will not go well.

Battle for ID4 and one more Scream for the road

Kym:

Well, after a brief hiatus from movies, we finally got to see two!


Rob:

We were pretty much in agreement on both, save for how necessary a airline 'sick bag' was when watching....





Kym:

Ignore my fiance, this was a fun movie.


Rob:

Fun for you, maybe. I mean, it was a nice action movie, and I like how they jumped right into the action....


Kym:

They didn't even shoe horn in a romance, like they do for every other action movie that comes out. There's nothing wrong with romances, of course, but it doesn't mean every movie needs to have one.


Rob:

That was nice, but regardless, this movie almost made me lose my lunch. Why? EXTREME SHAKY CAMERA! It wouldn't have been that bad, but every scene in the movie had the 'realistic' shakiness effect with it, not just the action scenes. I was feeling queasy a mere fifteen minutes in to it.


Kym:

I didn't have any problem at all. The movie had a lot of good action, and an admittedly light plot, but I liked it. It had a nice Independence Day feel to it.


Rob:

Basically, Independence Day ditched Randy Quaid and then made sweet love to an Army recruitment ad. Another problem was that most of the characters were forgettable. Aside from Two Face we have two black guys, a guy who looks twelve, half a dozen identical white guys, a tough girl air lifted into the movie half way, and plenty of mushroom aliens.


Kym:

I thought the plot was a bit more realistic here. The whole situation seemed a bit more believable, and less like a Hollywood blockbuster.


Rob:

Although the aliens didn't quite have the advantage over us that you'd expect a space faring civilization to have, I think it worked a bit better here because the alien attack had this air of 'desperation' to it. You can't help but assume that the aliens didn't quite have any other choice but to attack now.



Kym:

And their weakness isn't as silly as 'the glowy part under the ship, or water.


Rob:

Man, are space aliens stupid. It's as if we decided to invade a fiery planet completely naked.



Kym: By the way, can you believe it's been 15 years since Independence Day came out? Special effects have come a long way since then, and I liked what Battle for LA had to show us, even if all of the movie's other elements were a bit weak. I'd still take it over 2012 any day.


Rob's Rating (school style): C+ (assuming you also don't get motion sickness)

Kym's Rating (buy/rent/ignore): rent, unless you're a fan of the genre

...





Rob:

Here's a nice throwback to back when horror/slasher movies weren't just torture-fests!




Kym:

Yeah, this is just the sort of horror movie I like. It's a little funny, a little scary, and although there's a bit of blood and gore, it never gets too bad. It's been quite a while since I've seen a movie like this one come out to theaters.


Rob:

Aside from Sorority Row, although that was better than I expected. A little dumb, sure, but it was still quite a bit of fun.


Kym:

And enough topless women to keep you interested.



Rob:

I plead the 5th. Anyway, Scream 4 didn't need any of that. Instead it relied on a smart story, the talent of the returning cast, and the direction of Wes Craven to bring us a Scream sequel worth watching.


Kym:

I thought the other sequels were worth watching too. They all added something to the series, and I always liked that it was never the same killer twice, making it a bit of a mystery as well as a horror movie.


Rob:

As for plot, it's mainly teenagers getting stabbed with a lot of horror movie jokes. The first ten minutes, in particular, are hilarious.


Kym:

Still, unlike other reboots, it's less about bringing in new fans, and instead focuses on drawing in the old ones who first saw it.


Rob:

I think it was that, more than anything else, that led it's opening week to be a little disappointing, revenue-wise. It's already made its budget back...


Kym:

It's a good thing some directors/producers still know how to make a good movie for under 40 million dollars. The only real special effect, besides fake blood and gore, was Ghost Face's knife blade, which was CGI, so the actor using it could stab people as hard as they want, without the knife looking fake.


Rob:

It was a smart move that helped make the action a bit more visceral than it could have been. Regardless, at least until the final act, the movie doesn't quite have the same 'edge' of the first. It's nothing we haven't seen before (that's sort of the point of the movie, actually), and I still prefer the first one. There's something about the first 10 minutes of Scream 1 that still makes me shiver a bit.


Kym:

Still, it was good, although perhaps not as good as the original. The last bit really drew me in though, and there's a scene near the end that made every man in the audience shudder.


Rob:

*Shudder*




Kym:

Or anytime it's mentioned, for that matter.


Rob:

Want to mention something about the David Arquette and Courtney Cox?


Kym:

Nah, don't encourage them. Just let David's career rest in peace.

...

Rob's Rating (school style): B+

Kym's Rating (buy/rent/ignore): buy


...


ROB CRACKED UP KYM WHEN:


*Battle for L.A., with the main hero staring intently into the eyes of one of another soldier, as they argue*


Rob:

I wish they'd just kiss and break the tension.

I Hope I Know How to Spell 'Bureau'

Kym:

Wow, I think we're finally done with all the blizzards, personal emergencies...


Rob:

Monsters created by mad scientists, black plagues, Megasharks, Jason Voohi...


Kym:

Voorhi?


Rob:

Yeah, the plural of Voorhees. Multiple Jason's.


Kym:...strange fiance's aside, we're ready to finally get back to the movies!





The Adjustment Bureau


Rob:

Well, it's obvious that they weren't trying to sell us with the title alone. What's that you say? The title of your movie is 'The Adjustment Bureau'? I'm going in expecting John Woo gunfights from start to finish.


Kym:

The real selling point is the movie's main star, Matt Damon, who gives us a really fantastic performance, with great chemistry between him and the lead actress, Emily Blunt.


Rob:

They also throw in some more ballet dancing, and I have to admit, after Black Swan, that makes me a little nervous. Tread carefully, Matt. Tread carefully.


Kym:

If you've seen the trailers, then you know the basic plot. There is an Adjustment Bureau, a group of mysterious men wearing hats (mostly fedoras) which have magical powers, who may be aliens or angels, who knows? And they try to interfere with our main two character's, keeping them apart. It's a very romantic movie.


Rob:

Of course, one of the problems I found was that the trailers didn't advertise it as a 'romantic' movie. They advertised it as a similar movie to Inception, and that's like saying 'Duck Tales' is similar to 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'. It's technically true, but they're not anywhere near the same league.


Kym:

Yeah, The Adjustment Bureau is mainly a romance, with some Sci-fi/Fantasy elements thrown in.


Rob:

The 'action' in this movie is a single punch, a man being restrained, and a lot of running. That's it, folks. No ever present evil entity, just a creepy voyeuristic angel that watches you while you and your lover sleep.


Kym:

*Shudder* It's a fine romantic movie, with many funny elements, but I don't think the movie would have been nearly as good without Matt Damon and Emily Blunt adding their great performances.



Rob:

Yeah, the plot was just too silly and unbelievable otherwise. The silliness of an organization that is nearly all knowing and all powerful, that still can't effectively keep two people apart is silly enough, but there are two main plot holes revolving around Damon Wayans...


Kym:

Matt Damon


Rob:

That's who I meant. What'd I say?


Kym:

Damon Wayans.


Rob:

Well, he also brought a lot to the film by not being in it.


Kym:

*Giggles* Just go on, dear.


Rob:

Alright so 'MATT DAMON!' can't find the girl because all he knows is her first name and her appearance, after two casual meetings, the second on a bus. First of all, you know where she got off the bus! I'm sure someone around that area knows her, or you could stake out that area to try and find her. How often do you go someplace once, but never again, even if you live in New York City?!


Kym:

And the second loop hole?


Rob:

His character's a celebrity! Can't he go on youtube and just send out a message to find her? Sure, it'd seem silly, but if he really cares about her, why not? The media will be all over it.


Kym:

Yeah, he didn't exactly seem to try that hard to find her. He didn't even try looking her up on Facebook...


Rob:

THREE! Three ways he could have found this woman. If she texts, she must be using Facebook and Twitter. Come on, Matt, give us some more effort.


Kym:

Or hire a private detective to do it for you.



Rob:

FOUR!


Kym:

Anyway, these problems and the general hokiness aside, The Adjustment Bureau was a fun romantic thriller, with strong performances from the cast, and an interesting concept to boot.



Rob:

Regardless, a lot of the film really hinges on Matt Damon's performance, so if you're not a Matt Damon fan, you won't like this. Kym and I both like him though...


Kym: *Dreamy sigh*


Rob:

ONE of us perhaps a bit more than the other though...and for different reasons.


Kym:

Are you insinuating something, dear?



Rob:

Just your Matt Damon crush. Any way I can compete?


Kym:

You could try wearing a hat...


Rob:

All I have is the one from Disney World, that looks like Donald Duck's rear end. Could I get a cool fedora instead? Like in the movie?


Kym:

If you can find one large enough to fit your enormous head.


Rob:

Well, you know what they say about guys with big hats...



Kym:

Let's stop there!

...


Rob's Rating (school style): B

Kym's Rating (buy/rent/ignore): buy if you're a Matt Damon fan, otherwise rent

2011 Summer Preview

Kym:

Rob and I have been stuck at home this past week, thanks to the blizzard hitting...well, everywhere besides Florida. So this week we're going to go over some of the upcoming Summer movies this year, starting with the long awaited...





Piranha 3DD


Rob:

Four stars! A triumph of the senses! If you only watch one soft core porno this...


*SMACK!*


Kym:

No chance, not after you conned me into going to the last one, or as I call it, 'Boobs 3D'.


Rob:

Still sounds like an endorsement to me. Anyway, my dear Kym obviously meant...




Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, part 2


Kym:

Alright! Is anyone not going to see this one? I have to be sure to set up my schedule so we can go as soon as possible.


Rob:

Right, opening night it is. We'll just go to the midnight showing and then...


Kym:

No, I meant like 'now'.


Rob:

What?


Kym:

I refuse to wait any longer! I'll get my coat. You pre-order the tickets.



Rob:

Uh...I'm pretty sure they haven't...


Kym:

I'll go warm up the car!

…





BREAKING DAWN


Kym:

This should be interesting.


Rob:

In the same way an autopsy is interesting. This book is about ten times more insane than all the other entries in the series. We're talking 'old testament' wacky! I still can't believe they're putting this on film.


Kym:

I can't believe Bella chose Edward over Jacob.


Rob:

Ah, here we go. The REAL reason millions of men are being dragged to the latest Twilight movie. Any you say I'm bad with Piranha 3D.


Kym:

Mmmm...Jacob 3D...


Rob:

The last Twilight movie was alright, so we'll have to see if this entry holds up. I hear it's going to be split into two movies like...you're still thinking of Jacob, aren't you? This should snap you out of it.

...





Justin Bieber: Never Say Never


Kym:

Gah!


Rob:

Sorry if going from Jacob to Bieber is a bit jarring, but they can't all be shirtless werewolves.


Kym:

More like: 'Never Say Yes'. Is he ever going to hit puberty?


Rob:

It's the hair. It's the source of his power.


Kym:

Maybe I should make you go see this. This, or Burlesque again.



Rob:

Dear Lord, I hope I never have to make that choice.

...




I am Number 4


Kym:

This sort of looks interesting. There's aliens and weird powers...



Rob:

I don't know. This strikes me as a typical 'he is the chosen one' sort of Matrix-lite movie. If the script called for someone in their 30's, we'd be staring at Keanu Reeve's face right now.

...




Rango


Kym:

This looks hilarious! It's a fun family movie set in the old west, only all the characters are desert animals. It stars Johnny Depp as Rango, and...


Rob:

You know, I really hope Johnny Depp doesn't start working with Adam Sandler, Vince Vaughn, or decide to remake Waiting for Godot.


Kym:

Are you insinuating something, dear?



Rob:

Nothing against the movie, as it does look very funny, and the animation is very impressive. Regardless, what I'm 'insinuating' is that they could remake 'My Dinner With Andre', and as long as it was Johnny Depp in the starring role, spending 15 minutes eating mushrooms, then we'd have fan girls lining up around the block to go see it.


Kym:

I'll go warm up the car.

...




Cowboys and Aliens


Rob:

There is absolutely nothing NOT to love about this movie. Aliens! Cowboys! Harrison Ford! Daniel Craig! Shootouts! Alien invasions! KABOOM! SWEEEEEEEEEEET!


Kym:

You know, you're sending mixed signals here, love. I'm not sure if the readers understand how you really feel about this movie.


Rob:

Ha ha. Anyway, like the Green Hornet's car, 'The Black Beauty', in order to possibly be any cooler, Cowboys and Aliens would have to involve dinosaurs in some way.



Kym:

It looks good to me too! I just hope Harrison Ford has a big part. It's neat to see him play the villain. He's very good at it, but he rarely ever gets the chance.

...




Scream 4


Rob:

Scream 4? Really? After all this time?


Kym:

Oh come on, the Scream movies are classic 90's! There's no way anyone in their 30's wouldn't want to see everyone back again.



Rob:

Yeah, but I'm not sure if there will be much to see. For those that aren't aware, at the end of Scream 3, right before the end credits, all the actor's/actress's careers were killed.


Kym:

Sigh...still, this looks like a lot of fun. Maybe it'll be about long awaited sequels, where they bring back all the old actors.


Rob:

And maybe someone out there will care.

...




Thor


Rob:

Speaking of the Scream movies (the first of which starred Henry Winkler), the Fonz is in the water with his skiis on and ready to jump the shark, as Marvel releases yet another Avenger movie. That said, the trailers actually look pretty good. It's just a matter of time though before they release another 'Hulk' (2003, not the 2008 one, which was good) and the superhero genre will go belly up again.


Kym:

Superhero movies are often hit or miss, but I like where they're going with this one. Instead of the usual superhero stereotypes, we have more of a fantasy-adventure movie, a lot of great special effects, and stars the 'godly' Chris Hemsworth.


Rob:

Ugh...all it takes is a shirtless hunk and you're already lined up for the movie. Perhaps every movie should have the male lead shirtless in the trailer, just to help you decide if you want to see it.


Kym:

Well maybe they should.


... (TO BE CONTINUED)


KYM SMACKED ROB WHEN…

At the beginning of the post, remember? With Piranha 3DD.

(Power rating: 33%)