Battle for ID4 and one more Scream for the road

Kym:

Well, after a brief hiatus from movies, we finally got to see two!


Rob:

We were pretty much in agreement on both, save for how necessary a airline 'sick bag' was when watching....





Kym:

Ignore my fiance, this was a fun movie.


Rob:

Fun for you, maybe. I mean, it was a nice action movie, and I like how they jumped right into the action....


Kym:

They didn't even shoe horn in a romance, like they do for every other action movie that comes out. There's nothing wrong with romances, of course, but it doesn't mean every movie needs to have one.


Rob:

That was nice, but regardless, this movie almost made me lose my lunch. Why? EXTREME SHAKY CAMERA! It wouldn't have been that bad, but every scene in the movie had the 'realistic' shakiness effect with it, not just the action scenes. I was feeling queasy a mere fifteen minutes in to it.


Kym:

I didn't have any problem at all. The movie had a lot of good action, and an admittedly light plot, but I liked it. It had a nice Independence Day feel to it.


Rob:

Basically, Independence Day ditched Randy Quaid and then made sweet love to an Army recruitment ad. Another problem was that most of the characters were forgettable. Aside from Two Face we have two black guys, a guy who looks twelve, half a dozen identical white guys, a tough girl air lifted into the movie half way, and plenty of mushroom aliens.


Kym:

I thought the plot was a bit more realistic here. The whole situation seemed a bit more believable, and less like a Hollywood blockbuster.


Rob:

Although the aliens didn't quite have the advantage over us that you'd expect a space faring civilization to have, I think it worked a bit better here because the alien attack had this air of 'desperation' to it. You can't help but assume that the aliens didn't quite have any other choice but to attack now.



Kym:

And their weakness isn't as silly as 'the glowy part under the ship, or water.


Rob:

Man, are space aliens stupid. It's as if we decided to invade a fiery planet completely naked.



Kym: By the way, can you believe it's been 15 years since Independence Day came out? Special effects have come a long way since then, and I liked what Battle for LA had to show us, even if all of the movie's other elements were a bit weak. I'd still take it over 2012 any day.


Rob's Rating (school style): C+ (assuming you also don't get motion sickness)

Kym's Rating (buy/rent/ignore): rent, unless you're a fan of the genre

...





Rob:

Here's a nice throwback to back when horror/slasher movies weren't just torture-fests!




Kym:

Yeah, this is just the sort of horror movie I like. It's a little funny, a little scary, and although there's a bit of blood and gore, it never gets too bad. It's been quite a while since I've seen a movie like this one come out to theaters.


Rob:

Aside from Sorority Row, although that was better than I expected. A little dumb, sure, but it was still quite a bit of fun.


Kym:

And enough topless women to keep you interested.



Rob:

I plead the 5th. Anyway, Scream 4 didn't need any of that. Instead it relied on a smart story, the talent of the returning cast, and the direction of Wes Craven to bring us a Scream sequel worth watching.


Kym:

I thought the other sequels were worth watching too. They all added something to the series, and I always liked that it was never the same killer twice, making it a bit of a mystery as well as a horror movie.


Rob:

As for plot, it's mainly teenagers getting stabbed with a lot of horror movie jokes. The first ten minutes, in particular, are hilarious.


Kym:

Still, unlike other reboots, it's less about bringing in new fans, and instead focuses on drawing in the old ones who first saw it.


Rob:

I think it was that, more than anything else, that led it's opening week to be a little disappointing, revenue-wise. It's already made its budget back...


Kym:

It's a good thing some directors/producers still know how to make a good movie for under 40 million dollars. The only real special effect, besides fake blood and gore, was Ghost Face's knife blade, which was CGI, so the actor using it could stab people as hard as they want, without the knife looking fake.


Rob:

It was a smart move that helped make the action a bit more visceral than it could have been. Regardless, at least until the final act, the movie doesn't quite have the same 'edge' of the first. It's nothing we haven't seen before (that's sort of the point of the movie, actually), and I still prefer the first one. There's something about the first 10 minutes of Scream 1 that still makes me shiver a bit.


Kym:

Still, it was good, although perhaps not as good as the original. The last bit really drew me in though, and there's a scene near the end that made every man in the audience shudder.


Rob:

*Shudder*




Kym:

Or anytime it's mentioned, for that matter.


Rob:

Want to mention something about the David Arquette and Courtney Cox?


Kym:

Nah, don't encourage them. Just let David's career rest in peace.

...

Rob's Rating (school style): B+

Kym's Rating (buy/rent/ignore): buy


...


ROB CRACKED UP KYM WHEN:


*Battle for L.A., with the main hero staring intently into the eyes of one of another soldier, as they argue*


Rob:

I wish they'd just kiss and break the tension.

I Hope I Know How to Spell 'Bureau'

Kym:

Wow, I think we're finally done with all the blizzards, personal emergencies...


Rob:

Monsters created by mad scientists, black plagues, Megasharks, Jason Voohi...


Kym:

Voorhi?


Rob:

Yeah, the plural of Voorhees. Multiple Jason's.


Kym:...strange fiance's aside, we're ready to finally get back to the movies!





The Adjustment Bureau


Rob:

Well, it's obvious that they weren't trying to sell us with the title alone. What's that you say? The title of your movie is 'The Adjustment Bureau'? I'm going in expecting John Woo gunfights from start to finish.


Kym:

The real selling point is the movie's main star, Matt Damon, who gives us a really fantastic performance, with great chemistry between him and the lead actress, Emily Blunt.


Rob:

They also throw in some more ballet dancing, and I have to admit, after Black Swan, that makes me a little nervous. Tread carefully, Matt. Tread carefully.


Kym:

If you've seen the trailers, then you know the basic plot. There is an Adjustment Bureau, a group of mysterious men wearing hats (mostly fedoras) which have magical powers, who may be aliens or angels, who knows? And they try to interfere with our main two character's, keeping them apart. It's a very romantic movie.


Rob:

Of course, one of the problems I found was that the trailers didn't advertise it as a 'romantic' movie. They advertised it as a similar movie to Inception, and that's like saying 'Duck Tales' is similar to 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'. It's technically true, but they're not anywhere near the same league.


Kym:

Yeah, The Adjustment Bureau is mainly a romance, with some Sci-fi/Fantasy elements thrown in.


Rob:

The 'action' in this movie is a single punch, a man being restrained, and a lot of running. That's it, folks. No ever present evil entity, just a creepy voyeuristic angel that watches you while you and your lover sleep.


Kym:

*Shudder* It's a fine romantic movie, with many funny elements, but I don't think the movie would have been nearly as good without Matt Damon and Emily Blunt adding their great performances.



Rob:

Yeah, the plot was just too silly and unbelievable otherwise. The silliness of an organization that is nearly all knowing and all powerful, that still can't effectively keep two people apart is silly enough, but there are two main plot holes revolving around Damon Wayans...


Kym:

Matt Damon


Rob:

That's who I meant. What'd I say?


Kym:

Damon Wayans.


Rob:

Well, he also brought a lot to the film by not being in it.


Kym:

*Giggles* Just go on, dear.


Rob:

Alright so 'MATT DAMON!' can't find the girl because all he knows is her first name and her appearance, after two casual meetings, the second on a bus. First of all, you know where she got off the bus! I'm sure someone around that area knows her, or you could stake out that area to try and find her. How often do you go someplace once, but never again, even if you live in New York City?!


Kym:

And the second loop hole?


Rob:

His character's a celebrity! Can't he go on youtube and just send out a message to find her? Sure, it'd seem silly, but if he really cares about her, why not? The media will be all over it.


Kym:

Yeah, he didn't exactly seem to try that hard to find her. He didn't even try looking her up on Facebook...


Rob:

THREE! Three ways he could have found this woman. If she texts, she must be using Facebook and Twitter. Come on, Matt, give us some more effort.


Kym:

Or hire a private detective to do it for you.



Rob:

FOUR!


Kym:

Anyway, these problems and the general hokiness aside, The Adjustment Bureau was a fun romantic thriller, with strong performances from the cast, and an interesting concept to boot.



Rob:

Regardless, a lot of the film really hinges on Matt Damon's performance, so if you're not a Matt Damon fan, you won't like this. Kym and I both like him though...


Kym: *Dreamy sigh*


Rob:

ONE of us perhaps a bit more than the other though...and for different reasons.


Kym:

Are you insinuating something, dear?



Rob:

Just your Matt Damon crush. Any way I can compete?


Kym:

You could try wearing a hat...


Rob:

All I have is the one from Disney World, that looks like Donald Duck's rear end. Could I get a cool fedora instead? Like in the movie?


Kym:

If you can find one large enough to fit your enormous head.


Rob:

Well, you know what they say about guys with big hats...



Kym:

Let's stop there!

...


Rob's Rating (school style): B

Kym's Rating (buy/rent/ignore): buy if you're a Matt Damon fan, otherwise rent

2011 Summer Preview

Kym:

Rob and I have been stuck at home this past week, thanks to the blizzard hitting...well, everywhere besides Florida. So this week we're going to go over some of the upcoming Summer movies this year, starting with the long awaited...





Piranha 3DD


Rob:

Four stars! A triumph of the senses! If you only watch one soft core porno this...


*SMACK!*


Kym:

No chance, not after you conned me into going to the last one, or as I call it, 'Boobs 3D'.


Rob:

Still sounds like an endorsement to me. Anyway, my dear Kym obviously meant...




Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, part 2


Kym:

Alright! Is anyone not going to see this one? I have to be sure to set up my schedule so we can go as soon as possible.


Rob:

Right, opening night it is. We'll just go to the midnight showing and then...


Kym:

No, I meant like 'now'.


Rob:

What?


Kym:

I refuse to wait any longer! I'll get my coat. You pre-order the tickets.



Rob:

Uh...I'm pretty sure they haven't...


Kym:

I'll go warm up the car!

…





BREAKING DAWN


Kym:

This should be interesting.


Rob:

In the same way an autopsy is interesting. This book is about ten times more insane than all the other entries in the series. We're talking 'old testament' wacky! I still can't believe they're putting this on film.


Kym:

I can't believe Bella chose Edward over Jacob.


Rob:

Ah, here we go. The REAL reason millions of men are being dragged to the latest Twilight movie. Any you say I'm bad with Piranha 3D.


Kym:

Mmmm...Jacob 3D...


Rob:

The last Twilight movie was alright, so we'll have to see if this entry holds up. I hear it's going to be split into two movies like...you're still thinking of Jacob, aren't you? This should snap you out of it.

...





Justin Bieber: Never Say Never


Kym:

Gah!


Rob:

Sorry if going from Jacob to Bieber is a bit jarring, but they can't all be shirtless werewolves.


Kym:

More like: 'Never Say Yes'. Is he ever going to hit puberty?


Rob:

It's the hair. It's the source of his power.


Kym:

Maybe I should make you go see this. This, or Burlesque again.



Rob:

Dear Lord, I hope I never have to make that choice.

...




I am Number 4


Kym:

This sort of looks interesting. There's aliens and weird powers...



Rob:

I don't know. This strikes me as a typical 'he is the chosen one' sort of Matrix-lite movie. If the script called for someone in their 30's, we'd be staring at Keanu Reeve's face right now.

...




Rango


Kym:

This looks hilarious! It's a fun family movie set in the old west, only all the characters are desert animals. It stars Johnny Depp as Rango, and...


Rob:

You know, I really hope Johnny Depp doesn't start working with Adam Sandler, Vince Vaughn, or decide to remake Waiting for Godot.


Kym:

Are you insinuating something, dear?



Rob:

Nothing against the movie, as it does look very funny, and the animation is very impressive. Regardless, what I'm 'insinuating' is that they could remake 'My Dinner With Andre', and as long as it was Johnny Depp in the starring role, spending 15 minutes eating mushrooms, then we'd have fan girls lining up around the block to go see it.


Kym:

I'll go warm up the car.

...




Cowboys and Aliens


Rob:

There is absolutely nothing NOT to love about this movie. Aliens! Cowboys! Harrison Ford! Daniel Craig! Shootouts! Alien invasions! KABOOM! SWEEEEEEEEEEET!


Kym:

You know, you're sending mixed signals here, love. I'm not sure if the readers understand how you really feel about this movie.


Rob:

Ha ha. Anyway, like the Green Hornet's car, 'The Black Beauty', in order to possibly be any cooler, Cowboys and Aliens would have to involve dinosaurs in some way.



Kym:

It looks good to me too! I just hope Harrison Ford has a big part. It's neat to see him play the villain. He's very good at it, but he rarely ever gets the chance.

...




Scream 4


Rob:

Scream 4? Really? After all this time?


Kym:

Oh come on, the Scream movies are classic 90's! There's no way anyone in their 30's wouldn't want to see everyone back again.



Rob:

Yeah, but I'm not sure if there will be much to see. For those that aren't aware, at the end of Scream 3, right before the end credits, all the actor's/actress's careers were killed.


Kym:

Sigh...still, this looks like a lot of fun. Maybe it'll be about long awaited sequels, where they bring back all the old actors.


Rob:

And maybe someone out there will care.

...




Thor


Rob:

Speaking of the Scream movies (the first of which starred Henry Winkler), the Fonz is in the water with his skiis on and ready to jump the shark, as Marvel releases yet another Avenger movie. That said, the trailers actually look pretty good. It's just a matter of time though before they release another 'Hulk' (2003, not the 2008 one, which was good) and the superhero genre will go belly up again.


Kym:

Superhero movies are often hit or miss, but I like where they're going with this one. Instead of the usual superhero stereotypes, we have more of a fantasy-adventure movie, a lot of great special effects, and stars the 'godly' Chris Hemsworth.


Rob:

Ugh...all it takes is a shirtless hunk and you're already lined up for the movie. Perhaps every movie should have the male lead shirtless in the trailer, just to help you decide if you want to see it.


Kym:

Well maybe they should.


... (TO BE CONTINUED)


KYM SMACKED ROB WHEN…

At the beginning of the post, remember? With Piranha 3DD.

(Power rating: 33%)

First Post!

Rob:

It all started in 2008, when Kym and I went out to see ‘Max Payne’ in theatres, and we’ve been complaining about movies together ever since.


Kym:

Well not complaining, usually. It’s funny that our first date would turn out to be the worst movie we’ve seen together. Nevertheless, we continued going out together to see them.


Rob:

And right before seeing ‘The Town’, a very impressive crime-thriller where Ben Affleck shows us his impressive Directing ability…


Kym:

Which is a lot better than his acting ability.


Rob:

Ouch! Anyway, shortly before starting our customary ‘dinner and a movie’ night, I proposed to my dear Kym, and she said yes!


Kym:

So without further ado, we’ve decided to share our movie reviews with the rest of the world, and let you all know…


Rob:

If you liked ‘Max Payne’, chances are we don’t care for you as a person.


Kym:

Actually, I was going to tell them about your bizarre Shelley Duvall crush.



Rob:

She’s adorable! Anyway, I can’t help it any more than you can help your ‘Brandon Frasier’ thing.


Kym:

At least mine makes sense.

…





You decide.













…



BLACK SWAN


Kym:

It was hilarious!


Rob:

What?!


Kym:

I laughed all the way though!


Rob:

Good Lord! What’s wrong with you?!


Kym:

Huh? I thought Seth Rogan and Jay Chou were really good.


Rob:

Wait, Seth Rogan and…oh, sorry. My bad. Let’s start over.








THE GREEN HORNET


Rob:

Much better. You see I started working on this a little while ago and I forgot to change…you know what, let’s just move on.


Kym:

Do you want to go over Black Swan first? It was a really good horror-thriller.


Rob:

I mainly remember impressive ballet dancing and hot lesbian sex. I’m ready to talk about the latter for any length of time.


Kym:

On second though, let’s move on for now. The Green Hornet was a really funny action-comedy, with emphasis on the comedy.



Rob:

I’m not much of a Seth Rogan fan myself, aside from Pineapple Express, but he does a good job here. I liked his PG-13 variety of comedy, which worked really well within the premise of the film.


Kym:

Except his usual drug and sex jokes were replaced with non-stop hits to the groin. I lost count of how many were there. At least 10 episodes of America’s Funniest Home Videos Worth.



Rob:

Nevertheless, it was good. I also really liked Jay Chou as Kato. They gave his character quite a bit of depth and jokes of his own, when they could have easily just made him the straight man. Hans Landa…


Kym:

Christoph Waltz.


Rob:

Doh! Yes, I mean Christoph Waltz (man, it’s going to be hard to think of him as anything besides a charming, well spoken Nazi) really steals the show as the vicious, yet sensitive villain. I like how he slowly adapts his own super-persona is the movie goes along, just because he feels a little jealous of the Green Hornet’s fame.


Kym:

He seemed to be having a lot of fun with his part. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that everyone involved was having a lot of fun.



Rob:

Cameron Diaz, however, was a bit of an odd addition to the movie. She did a good job, but it’s not the actress I expected to see, considering she’s about a decade older than Seth Rogan.


Kym:

Still, she worked well. I like how they didn’t just stick her in as the usual ‘hero’s girlfriend’ as they normally do. A lot of the movie was very original.


Rob:

I think it helped that they designed the movie more as a comedy than a superhero movie. That way they managed to avoid some of the usual superhero conventions. No one said anything about ‘with great responsibility’, and although the main character’s father is killed, he goes through most of the movie hating him. It’s quirky, offbeat, and unique. I liked it.


Kym:

Which is strange, since so many critics didn’t like it at all.


Rob:

Yeah, I thought that was weird too. It only got a 46% on Rotten Tomatoes, and most critics were giving it somewhere around the ballpark of a D+ to a C-. Pretty strange, considering that everyone I know who saw it, loved it.


Kym:

Everyone you know is a geek, dear.


Rob:

Not all of them! Even decidedly normal and well adjusted people all seemed to really like The Green Hornet. So why no love from the critics? Are they that out of touch with the viewing public?


Kym:

Maybe we’re just ahead of the curve.


Rob:

One can only hope. Anything else we forget to mention?


Kym:

Their car, the ‘Black Beauty’ was amazing. It put the Batmobile to shame.


Rob:

The only way it could’ve been cooler is if it transformed into a dinosaur.


Kym:

The only real downside of the movie was the 3D, which was sort of lame. They only really took advantage of it in a few scenes of the movie, including the end credits. It was only tacked on as an easy way to add three bucks to the movie ticket, and that was the only way our theatre was showing it.


Rob:

All in all, we’re just nitpicking here. It’s a great comedy, with a lot of action and just as much fun. If a critic you know gives it a low rating, then just do what our good old friend the Green Hornet would!


Kym:

Kick him in the balls.


Rob’s final score (School Style): B+

Kym’s final score (Buy/Rent/Ignore): Buy


KYM SMACKED ROB WHEN…

(For those that don’t know, Rob usually says something during the course of every movie that gets him smacked on the leg. How hard depends on how bad he’s being.)

*Cameron Diaz meets the main characters for the first time, and they both stare at her lustfully*

Rob: “Wowwwwwwww……you’re old enough to be our mom!”

SMACK! (Power rating: 25%)