You Had Me at "I am Iron Man"

Rob:

Finally!  A movie meant to star Robert Downey Jr that DOES star Robert Downey Jr!


Kym:

He's had a 500+ million dollar movie every year for five years, and he's back for number six!  We missed you, Downey!


Rob:

Nobody balances 'funny', 'arrogant', and 'painfully haunted' as well as Robert Downey Jr can, all the while giving great improvised lines and amazing expressions.  I don't care how much he's making, the man deserves another raise!

(I'm sure he'll find something to spend the money on)

Kym:

Some say Iron Man 3 is the best Marvel movie so far, but I'm not sure about that.  Sorry Downey, we both loved IM3, but nothing comes close to the Avengers.


Rob:


Not that I hold it against them.  The Avengers is arguably the greatest action-spectacle-summer blockbuster of all time, whereas Iron Man 3 is more character driven, and focused upon Tony Stark alone.




Kym:

Luckily, they have Robert Downey Jr to fill those big red and gold titanium-alloy shoes!  This is the sort of movie that lives or dies by how good an actor you have in the main role.  When so many of the scenes in the movie revolve around a single character, you have to be sure the actor playing the part is a Downey Jr., and not a James Franco.

(Choose wisely.  Sam Raimi didn't.)

Rob:

Onto special effects, and as usual, Disney pulled out all the stops to make sure the effects were some of the best ever filmed!  Despite relying heavily on green screens and CGI, it never feels fake.  It's a very fine line, and they walk it beautifully.

(The Hobbits weren't as lucky. Might as well be standing in front of a matte painting.)

Kym:

My favorite over the top moment IM3 was the epic arrival of the toy commercial...I MEAN the "House Party" army of unique Iron Men suits to save the day!  The result is an amazing climax sure to please every 8 year old boy that whined until their parents took them to see a PG-13 movie!



Rob:

Coincidentally, the movie's target demographic.

(In stores now!)

Kym:

Iron Man 3 also works well for adults interested in story and character, as the movie focuses a lot on the accumulated damage to Tony Stark's psyche, resulting in what is clearly PTSD, which has been known to happen after kidnapping, torture, explosions, your best friend betraying you....




Rob:

Your other best friend betraying you, Mickey Rourke showing up with cyber whips, getting hit in the head with legendary hammers after you make "Shakespeare in the park" comments...


Kym:

Disappointing sequels, intergalactic war, and of course HULKS.

(Pictured Above: Stressful work environment)

Rob:

Watching Tony work through it all may slow the movie down a little, but it adds a lot of depth to his character, and really helps the movie rise above your average superhero action flick.



Kym:

Of course it's not all about Downey.  Gwyneth Paltrow really gets the chance to shine.


Rob:

Yup!  The top comes off!

Kym:


For the love of...I was referring to Pepper Pots kicking ass in the action sequences!

(Much better)

Rob:

And just when you think she's done, at the movie's premier, the sides came off!

(MUCH better)

Kym:

Are you done being lecherous, dearest?


Rob:

Never!

Kym:


Turnabout's fair play, dear.

Rob:

Alright, we better stop, or this'll just start looking like our Pinterest boards.

Click Here For Kym's Pinterest for Cool Disney Stuff

Or Here For Rob's Pinterest if you must

Kym:

Of course all of Tony's friends show up as well.  Colonel Rhodes gets plenty of great screen time as War Machine (ignoring the Iron Patriot name change), Happy has some great scenes, and Jarvis is as dry and sarcastic as ever.  One thing bugs me about Jarvis though.


Rob:

Which is?


Kym:


Where is he?  I mean, where is the computer program located?


Rob:

Well its...uh...sort of...huh.  You know, I'm not sure.  Maybe it's sort of Skynet-ish, hopping from computer to computer over Tony's network.


Kym:

If that's the case, then why wasn't he constantly connected to Pepper after the house blew up?


Rob:

Huh.  You know, they never really explain Jarvis very well.  It's possible he's only in the suits and Tony's garage.   Of course, you wonder why Tony doesn't expand on his AI research.  It's arguably an even bigger deal than the suits.

(I don't like where this is going)

Kym:

I also really enjoyed the young boy that befriends Stark while the billionaire genius is down on his luck.  Downey and the young actor (Ty Simpkins) had a lot of great chemistry, and Downey keeps playing Stark as a sarcastic jerk, even when dealing with kids.  Regardless, the pair develops a believable friendship that adds even more depth to the film and Tony's character.

(Iron Man 4 pretty much writes itself)

Rob: 

If Iron Man 3 has any overt weaknesses, it's that at its core, the story and plot twist are both very similar to that in...oh wait, I almost forgot:

SPOILERS BELOW!!!

Rob:

Iron Man 3's plot is VERY similar to Debbie Does Dallas.

(Why Mr. Stark, I'd do ANYTHING to be your new secretary...)

Kym:

*Ugh* You're as classy as ever, dearest...not that I wouldn't put that past Tony.  At least before Iron Man 2.

(Pepper ain't puttin' up with that crap no more)

Rob: 

Seriously though, the only real weakness the movie has is that the story, plot twist, and main villain are very similar to that in Iron Man 1.  A war profiteering millionaire uses terrorists as his pawns, to both feed his insatiable greed, and hide his own supervillainy nature.

(Jeff Bridges really let himself go.)

Kym:

Despite the twist being similar, I think it's pulled off much better here than in previous movies.  In fact, the "Surprise! THIS is the REAL main villain" plot twist has been in nearly every superhero movie in recent memory.


Rob:

Iron Man 1, Thor, Incredible Hulk, Batman Begins, Dark Knight Rises...


Kym:

Ugh...don't remind me about Dark Knight Rises and Bane.  They spend the whole movie showing how invincible and scary Bane is, only to reveal...

(I'm a glorified sidekick with no ideas of my own, my weakness is my face, and I wear pink dresses!)

Rob:

Yeah, Bane really wussed out on us.


Kym:

Iron Man 3 is a far has a far more interesting take on the twist, and it's revealed early enough in the movie that it isn't disappointing at all.  It's less like Dark Knight Rises and more like Batman Begins.  It isn't that the Mandarin isn't the villain, it's that the Mandarin isn't who you thought it was.

Rob:

All in all, any complaints are just small nitpicky issues.  Despite the similarities to Iron Man 1,it still manages to be an amazing action movie, with quite a few shocks that took us both by surprise!


Kym

The Mandarin's attacks on Tony escalate so quickly, and so intensely, that the audience is just as shocked and off guard as our heroes are!  This is all a part of showing the fallout that Tony Stark's arrogance brings.  Not only did he tell the world he's Iron Man, but he gave the Mandarin his home address, and dared him to come and fight!

(Wow. Glad he didn't double dog dare him.)

Rob:


We see Tony Stark weak, beaten down, but never truly defeated.  His resourcefulness, and ability to hold his own even outside of his suit really shows that he doesn't need his suit to be great.  He saves the day, we get a mega happy ending, and he achieved most of it outside his suit.


Kym:

Not only is Tony a playboy, genius, billionaire, and philanthropist, but he's also truly a Super Hero, and he doesn't need a robotic suit to prove it!  He's all grown up emotionally (took him long enough) and he truly IS Iron Man.



Rob:

Although the Disney toy & merchandising department would really appreciate it if he kept using the suits.  

(Pretty please?  Sugar on top?)

Kym:

Speaking of that, with Tony Stark's personal journey complete, the question everyone's asking is if Disney's going to let this be the end of Iron Men movies, or at least ones starring Robert Downey Jr. 


Rob:

I don't think there's any question that Downey will be back for the Avengers movies.  No offense to the other actors and actresses in the series, but the movies wouldn't be the same without him.

(Also not pictured: about $400 million gross revenue)

Kym:


Personally, I don't think replacing him with another actor is doable either.  It's not like James Bond where you can switch actors, it's more like Indiana Jones.  There's only one actor who can truly play the part. 


Rob:

What we're trying to say is, Robert Downey Jr. should be James Bond in the next movie.


Kym:

YES.

(No, I said shaken and not stirred...you know what? Hell with it, gimmie both.)

Iron Man 3

 

Rob's rating: A- 

Kym's rating: Buy on Blu-ray as soon as it's out!

...

(Kym: So how much money has Iron Man 3 made so far?)

(Rob: All of it.)

(Kym: All the money?)

(Rob: Yup, every country in the world is owned by Disney now.)

(Kym: Neat!)

The Other Other Side of the Rainbow

*AWESOME SCI-FI SOUND EFFECTS*


Rob:
Whew!  What an amazing three month adventure through all those alternate dimensions!


Kym:

You said it!  Jerry O'Connell would've been proud!


Rob:

Yeah, but despite all those weird alternate timelines, with the Communist takeovers, dinosaur pets, alien invaders, Firefly's amazing 100th episode where the Shepherd and Jayne finally kiss...


Kym:

Regardless, the one thing that really sticks in my mind is the movie breaking all records: Oz the Great and Powerful, starring Robert Downey Jr!

Kym:

Watching him star as the master con artist 'wizard' really makes it hard to imagine anyone else performing the role.  His ready charm and wit, combined with his amazing ability to improvise really carried the movie to great heights. 


Rob: 

No question about it!  His originality and breathtaking charisma steals every scene, from the early black and white moments...

(His improvised magic routine is priceless! Infinitely better than the original script's version)

Kym:

To the merry land of Oz, where he goes from playing the shameless narcissist only out for himself, to grow into the brave rogue facing danger with charming reluctance, right up until the great firework filled finale!

Rob:


Although other actors would've been able to pull the role off, I can't imagine anyone doing it with Robert Downey Jr's flair. 


Kym:

Especially the romantic scenes.  If read completely straight, I can't see any chemistry working between Oz and Glinda.  She's just too goody goody on her own, without the flirtatious Downey bringing out the best in her.




Rob:

It's interesting to think what would've become of the film without Downey.  It's by no means a bad film, but...


Kym:

I know what you mean.  A lot of the movie would just fall sort of flat.  You really need someone who can add some zaniness to the role without becoming too ridiculous.  Someone devilish, but lovable.  A good possibility would've been Johnny Depp.

Rob:

No question, the man can play a complete scoundrel that steals the show, and somehow still manage to make him both human and relatable.  Not an easy task by any means.

Kym:

I know I might be biased thanks to Titanic, but I think Leonardo DiCaprio would've also been an excellent choice.

Rob:

The man does period pieces amazingly well, no question, and has a 'trickster' air about him.  Another radical choice might have been Jim Carrey.  He's about due for another crack at a mainstream role, and despite what you think of his more ridiculous movies, he really puts a lot of heart into his performances.

Kym:

All fascinating choices.  Still...I have the uncomfortable suspicion that Hollywood/the director Sam Raimi could've made a really bad choice here, choosing someone completely wrong for the part in every way.



Rob:

John Cusack? 

(Wow, I'm in Oz!  I'm so charmingly befuddled!)

Kym:

No, someone that bad, but a bit more 'pretty boy'-ish...


Rob:

Colin Farrell?

  

(So I stare in this direction and say my lines, right?)

Kym:

GOD NO!  Something even blander.  Basically an amalgam of bland, hackneyed, attractive, and talentless...

Rob:

The bad guy's son from the first Spider Man movie?

Kym:

That's it!  James Franco!  Wow, can you even imagine a world where they put a character as potentially complex as Oz's in the hands of a guy that can't even host the Oscars without screwing it up?

Rob:

The living would envy the dead.  I can't stand that grinning, overacting douchebag.

(Just look at that grin.  Tell me you wouldn't punch that face.)

Kym:

Ugh...don't even want to think about it.  It's worse than that dimension where Titanic starred Macaulay Culkin and Christina Applegate. (We came close in this dimension too.  Look it up.)


Rob:

Well, just to sate everyone's curiosity, I've created what I think would be an exact replica of what his performance would look like.

 
Kym:

Alright, let's see it.

(I'm Oz!)

Rob:

Nailed it.


Kym:

Well, let's just be glad that didn't happen.  Still, even with Downey's perfect performance, the movie did have its flaws.  Its overuse of unimpressive CGI backgrounds being the worst of them.

Rob: 

I'm not sure why they felt green screens were a better idea than fabrication, when the fabricated backgrounds of Oz is part of what makes the original so memorable.  It's even worse in 3D, with the characters standing out in front of the cartoony backdrops making it seem even more unrealistic and jarring.


Kym:

It's a real shame.  The worst parts are definitely where they're floating or flying around Oz.  Compared to similar scenes of travel in movies like Lord of the Rings, Oz looks pitifully animated. 


Rob:

Another problem with the witches.  Specifically, their 'appearance'.

Kym:

What is it?  The over-designed clothing?  The obviously prosthetic facial features?


 
Rob: 

It's their boobs.


Kym:



Pardon?


 
Rob: 

To be a witch in Oz, good or evil, you need three specific things:




 

1. A designated compass direction

2. Magical powers

3. Perfect C-cup breasts

(check, check, and check)

Kym:


Wow, I never thought I'd see the day where you'd complain about gratuitous cleavage.



Rob:

There's a time and place for everything, and granted I'm a lot more 'forgiving' than most when movie makers give their female characters revealing clothing, I draw the line at the Wicked Witch.

(No.  Just....no.)

Rob:

In a world where the internet shows us a sexy version of everything, the Wicked Witch is not a place I want to see it.  She's the ultimate wicked old crone, complete dried up and as ugly as she is evil.  So who do they cast for the role?

(Hint: it's not Lisa Lampanelli.)

Kym:

Well she isn't evil and transformed until near the end.  Up until that point she's supposed to be beautiful.  Then after she transforms...


Rob:


She's still beautiful!  Granted, she's not as gorgeous, with an obvious fake nose/chin and green skin, but her skin is flawless, her figure's still perfect, and although she's not a perfect 10, she's at least a 9.  Basically, she looks like Kirk's alien girlfriend in Star Trek.

(How about a little FIRE Scarecro...hello?  Eyes up here!)

Rob:

There's a scene near the end where all three witches are together, each showing an incredible amount of cleavage, and then for several minutes they do nothing but take turns leaning forward.


Kym:

And YOU'RE complaining?


Rob:

It's just so out of place here.  Speaking of which, so were the 'epic' magical fight scenes.

Rob:

Why are we seeing this in a wizard of Oz movie?  Flying, magical energies colliding, it's all just so...

Kym: 

Harry Potter-ish?

Rob:

Exactly!  It's something right out of Harry Potter, and not in a good way either.  More in a derivative 'copy' sort of way.  The Wicked Witch even flies like the Death Eaters, and lands with the same fiery impact!

(Pictured above: Vol-her-mort)

Kym: 

Yeah, we probably didn't need the Wizardly duel in there.  Despite all these minor issues, the movie does show us some great things.  In fact, for every incredibly fake CGI background, there's a wonderful CGI character.

Rob:

The good flying monkey 'Finley' helping our hero has a surprising amount of facial expression, and a great sense of humor to boot.  He's like a personal mini-Nathan Lane, which I'm not gonna lie, I'd really like to have in real life.

(He's housebroken, right?)

Kym: 

The evil flying monkeys were quite intimidating, and a LOT more impressive than the original versions.  I'd rather fight 100 of the original versions than one of these nightmares:

Kym: 

And last but not least...hey honey, want to look at a scene with a CGI character that some have called 'heart warming'?

Rob:

Of course, although I must warn you, I'm not easily swayed to emotion by movies.

Rob:

*10 minutes of uninterrupted sobbing*

Kym: 

You were saying, dear?

Rob:
Sh-she's just so... *2 more minutes of bawling*

Kym: 

Yeah, it's hard to not feel touched by the little China Doll Girl. 

Rob:

*Sniff* She's just so sweet and delicate and just needs to be held and protected...

Kym: 

The creators really hit it out of the park with that character.  I also liked how they tied the opening black and white scenes with the rest of the movie, introducing characters that would later be represented by counterparts in Oz, just like in the original.  For instance, there's this little girl who can't walk, representing the China girl...

Rob:

*WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!*

Kym: 

Oh for the love of... let's just move on.  

Rob:

*Sniff* Okay.

Kym:

Anyway, the film parallels a lot with the original Wizard of Oz, and there's a lot of nice little touches and cameos.  For example, I always wondered where the Scarecrow and Tin Woodsman came from, and why the people of the Emerald city were so well prepared to help them.

Rob:

But since they know how to make Scarecrows and automatons such as Tin Woodsmen, it's insinuated that they made both, which all makes sense, in a weird way.  They even explain why the Munchkins have such nice clothes.


Kym:

Which is...uh...they make nice clothes.


Rob:

Not the deepest explanation, but it works.  It all builds up to a climactic ending that works really well.  I won't ruin it for you, but after the two evil witches capture the good witch, Oz then shows up to save the day, and after that things get a little NC-17 for the rest of the film.

(No complaints from Rob!)

(Or Kym either.)

Kym: 

That is, of course, if this dimension's version is the same as the one we saw in the other dimension, right after our marathon of watching all 8 seasons of Angel, back to back.

Rob:


The movies must be the same.  I just can't imagine it being any other way.  I mean, who would turn down Robert Downey Jr for such a role?  And why would they do it? 

Kym: 

I can just see it: "CUT!  Robert, you're improvising again, with hilarious lines!  How dare you try to improve MY masterpiece!  One more time and I'll replace you with a talentless grinning hack!  That'll show everyone how brilliant I am!"

Rob:

Yeah, doesn't quite seem realistic.  Compared to that, the Merry Old Land of Oz seems quite plausible.

...

Oz the Great and Powerful (as seen in alternate dimension, with Robert Downey Jr. starring)

Rob's rating (school style): A-

Kym's rating (rent/buy/ignore): buy immediately on blu ray!

Oz the Great and Powerful (if somehow starring some grinning douchebag instead)

 

Rob's rating: B-

Kym's rating: buy on blu ray when cheap

...

(Kym: Any last messages for our readers?)

(Rob: If I see green boobs in a movie again, they better be on She-Hulk.)