Kym:
We're back! We spent a few weeks away for personal/family issues (we miss you Willie!). We'll get to Batman in a moment, but first, we have to talk about our trip to see Brave at a dine in theater, where we discovered....
Rob:
Merida's mom is sill smokin' hot.
Yowza!
Kym:
More IMPORTANTLY, that you shouldn't see 3D movies at dine in theaters. I'm not sure if you've ever been to one, but dine in theaters (or at least the AMC variety)...
Rob:
If you're at an AMC one, I recommend the pizza. Also, popcorn. Also, non-Twilight movies.
Kym:
Anyway, there's a little light next to your chair, so you can see the 'call waiter' button. The light from this makes it harder for your eyes to adjust, so the screen seems darker. It's normally not that big a deal, but 3D movies are darker in any case, because of the glasses. The combination made the movie so dark, you could barely see.
Rob:
Did someone say, Dark?
Rob:
Hey! You're in the way! We can't see the unicorn!
Kym:
The what?
The what?
Kym:
That's...oh. Damn, now I can't un-see it.
Rob:
Your welcome.
Kym:
A new unicorn character would have definitely spiced up the first hour of the movie, which moved at an amazingly slow pace.
Rob:
Sure, we got to see Bane terrorize a few people, but aside from that the first hour is more or less just meetings between businessmen, cops chatting, a high society party or two, guys walking around sewers, and a far too clothed Anne Hathaway.
(Film Flub: dress visible in shot)
Kym:
While you're drooling, I'll point out that a very large number of the scenes really felt unnecessary, dragging out the movie length considerably. Most of the scenes with Batman are good, and Bane's scenes are necessary for building him up as the villain...with mixed success (more on that later)....but from start to finish, Dark Knight Rises is filled with a nearly endless stream of scenes with the young cop.
Rob:
Or as I like to call him: Junior B-Man. I think his scenes added a nice 'average Joe's eye-view of the situation, although many of his scenes were indeed pointless, as were any scene involving the underground resistance, government agents, businessmen, or Bane saying things we already know.
We know, dude. We were there.
Rob:
In fact, Bane's performance in general was more than a little lacking. It's not the actor, Tom Hardy's fault though. Chris Nolan for some reason decided that since Bane wore a cloth mask over his face in the comics, he should completely cover his mouth with a gas mask for the movie.
Kym:
Genius!
Rob:
I think I may know why Heath Ledger gave a much better performance then Tom Hardy or Christian Bale in this series: Heath was allowed to talk without a super-raspy voice or muzzle.
(Film fact #354: Joker rules.)
Kym:
Between a weird accent and a large muzzle, I'm surprised Tom Hardy was able to give any sort of performance at all. He's lucky Chris Nolan didn't also want him hopping up and down on one leg, while on fire!
Rob:
Heath Ledger is admittedly a tough act to follow, but after all the difficulty building Bane up, it's all worth it in the end, when we discover....
(SPOILER ALERT)
Rob:
Bane and Batman get married!
See their wedding registration at BaneHeartsBats.com/slash
Kym:
No, it's nowhere as logical. It turns out he's just the pawn of Batman's girlfriend, who's Ra's Al Ghoul's daughter and...well, the plot sort of goes bananas at that point.
No, it's nowhere as logical. It turns out he's just the pawn of Batman's girlfriend, who's Ra's Al Ghoul's daughter and...well, the plot sort of goes bananas at that point.
It's sort of a nod to the geek fans, as this more or less happens in the comics. Regardless, I didn't see it coming, thanks to Chris Nolan's very well executed plot.
Kym:
I saw it coming, even though my hubby to be (29 days to go!) didn't, and in any case it really weakens Bane's character, downgrading him from 'ultimate supervillain' to 'amazingly competent crony'.
(Still a more dignified ending than comic's: beaten by 'Temporary High-Tech Batman Jr')
Kym:
It wouldn't have been so bad if Bane stayed as the main bad guy until the end, perhaps killing Ra's Al Ghoul's daughter to keep her from interfering with the plan, or so that she doesn't suffer. As it is, the movie doesn't do Bane justice.
Rob:
I for one LOVED the last hour of the movie. It was a taught and exciting as anything in Inception or Dark Knight, with plenty of great action scenes, an incredibly smart Nolan plot, and the perfect resolution to the series itself.
Kym:
True, but even those big special effects were virtually all revealed during the movie trailers. Scenes like the collapsing football stadium would've been a lot more powerful if everyone in the audience didn't already know it was coming.
Rob:
That's less of a problem with this movie than it is with movies in general. Virtually everything is shown in the trailers now. A prime example is the Pirates: Band of Misfits (or Pirates: an Adventure with Scientists for those outside USA). It was a really fun movie, but all the best gags were shown in the trailer. There was almost nothing left to see.
Kym:
Although the criticism most often heard about Dark Knight Rises is that it pales in comparison to Dark Knight. I gotta admit, they have a point. Dark Knight was not only a lot more concise, but the thrills were better too, mostly in thanks to Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart (2 Face).
Rob:
Personally, I think Americans are just spoiled when it comes to movie villains, especially in superhero movies. Think about it (both DC and Marvel):
Tom Hiddleston (Loki)
Liam Neeson (Ra's Al Ghoul)
Jeff Bridges (Obadia Stain)
Mickey Rourke (Ivan Vanko)
Heath Ledger (Joker)
Aaron Eckart (Two Face)
Jack Nicholson (Joker)
Kevin Spacey (Lex Luthor)
Gene Hackman (Lex Luthor)
Danny Devito (Penguin)
Michelle Pfeiffer (Catwoman)
Tommy Lee Jones (Two Face)
Jim Carrey (say what you want, the man's Riddler was perfect)
Hugo Weaving (Red Skull)
...and more! The villains in super hero movies are always fantastic actors!
Rob:
Mostly....
Kym:
Uma Thurman ruins everything.
Rob:
We'll always have Tarantino Movies. As for Arnold, I can't judge him too harshly for his performance as Mr. Freeze. Let's see YOU deliver the line: 'Ice to see you!'
Kym:
Anyway, there's a golden standard for supervillains in movies these days, and in my book, Bane doesn't quite cut it. It may be partially because of his mask, but for me it's mostly because Chris Nolan does a last minute switcheroo with the plot, and suddenly Bane's plans and histories are not his own. Who is he? Too late, he's already dead! And then the movie moves on without him.
Rob:
Sort of a disappointing end for an otherwise powerful character. Still, I think the plot works, and ultimately it adds to the overall story.
Kym:
I think the movie would've been fine without it. By the time the ending rolls around, it's too late to build up a new villain, and the whole thing feels a little hollow to me.
Rob:
Eh, we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one....
Eh, we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one....
Kym:
It was no 'Avengers'.
Rob:
Okay, we can agree on that.
Johansson > Hathaway is a proven mathematical theorem
Rob:
Now let's talk about an entirely different sort of Cat Woman...
Kym:
Rob had to take his younger sister to this one without me. So how was it, dear? Awful?
Rob:
Utter horse crap, but that's not the problem. No one goes to a movie like this expecting a good film. They expect a short before the feature film (Maggie Simpson's short cartoon was 10x better than the feature film itself), Looney Tunes-like gags, a few songs, B-list celebrity voice overs (by the sounds of it, all done at gun point), the squirrel tries to get an acorn, an unattached character gets a girl/boy-friend, we all learn a valuable lesson, and your kids shut up for a few hours.
Kym:
So, par for the course?
Rob:
Would be, except for this character, which caused an entirely new and thoroughly unpleasant problem for yours truly:
Kym:
Oh, the girl sabre-tooth tiger voiced by Jennier Lopez, and obvious love interest for the guy tiger. What's the problem?
Rob:
She's too pretty.
Kym:
So...it's bad because it doesn't fit her character?
Rob:
It has nothing to do with the character and plot. The problem is, she doesn't look like a saber tooth tiger. She looks like....well....Jennifer Lopez! For those not aware of it, Jennifer Lopez is one of the sexiest women alive...
(Let the record show: hammina hammina hammina)
Rob:
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise: Jennifer Lopez (both her body and voice) is sexy enough to get any man's libido revving. There was even some trouble with her on American Idol, where she spontaneously turned several of the male competitors straight.
Kym:
Now that's not fair! Most of the guys on American Idol ARE straight...
Rob:
SEE?!!!
Kym:
*Sigh*....wait, are you saying that the problem is you find Shira, the female sabre tooth tigress...sexy?
I'm saying that aside from the head and paws, she doesn't really look like a tiger, or even furry for that matter. She looks like a woman in a body suit. Couple that with Jennifer Lopez's voice, and my brain keeps trying to imagine this...
...as this:
Rob:
These too images are WAY too close in my brain for comfort, especially the area between Shira's knees and chest....
Kym:
*Giggle*
Rob:
Laugh if you must, but I was genuinely disturbed! One half of my brain kept going 'Jennifer Lopez is crawling around like a cat, and that's really hot' while the other replied back 'dude, that's a cat'. The effect was not pleasant.
Kym:
I'm sure they were just trying to give her character feminine features.
Which is fine if done in moderation, but this is far too extreme! Nala in the Lion King is a good example of it done right, but this...this is just awful! If I wanted to see Jennifer Lopez nearly nude, I'd go look at a picture of such, and not watch a kids movie! Oh, and you know what?
Kym:
What?
Rob:
I DO WANT TO SEE A PICTURE OF JENNIFER LOPEZ NEARLY NUDE!
(AWESOME)
Kym:
...
FINAL RATINGS:
The Dark Knight Rises
Rob's rating (school style): B+
Kym's rating (rent/buy/ignore): buy if you're a fan of the series, otherwise rent first.
Ice Age 4: Continental Drift
Rob's Rating: D- (for kids and Furries only)
Kym: Ignore. Go get Brave instead.
...
(Kym: "What's a Furry?")
(Rob: "A term you NEVER EVER Google.")
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