Uh....pardon?

Rob:

The geese are escaping from the loading bay! Now we only have 30 seconds before the Mayan prophecy comes true!


Kym:

Don't worry, the alien syndicate would never allow such heresy. They'll just use 7 of the 8 moon crystals to go back in time, and keep the Titanic from sinking!


Rob:

I see their 100 foot tall ambassador now...but he doesn't have the crystals! He seems to be holding something else...a subpoena?!


Kym:

His wife must have gotten the crystals in the divorce! We have to call the president, to let him know that every potted plant in the White House must be destroyed at once!


Rob:

And now you readers at home are all as confused as Kym and I were when we began watching the mid-season replacements on TV.


Kym:

Seriously! None of these shows make any sense at all! Some of them are trying to use that as a gimmick, in a bid to replace Lost.


Rob:

Which is kind of dumb, considering that Lost's never-ending mysteries were beginning to grate on everyone's nerves as it was, coupled with its disappointing ending...as far as the fans are concerned, at least. Personally, I really liked the ending.


Kym:

What was your favorite part?


Rob:

The part where it ended.


Kym:

Ah. Well, let's start with the most confusing of the bunch, Alcatraz.





Rob:

I 'want' to like this show, as I always like watching Hurley (Jorge Garcia). I just wish they use show made more sense.


Kym:

It's not the action itself, which is a fairly common police procedural drama, but what's happening behind the scenes. It kind of pisses me off, because NOTHING really makes sense. Alcatraz's inmates from the 60's time travel into the present and work on behalf of an evil organization?


Rob:

You'd think the evil organization could get recruits from the present, especially with 10% unemployment. Are violent criminals so hard to find that you have to break the laws of nature to get some on your side? If Cobra can find new recruits, after losing a couple hundred a week from fighting GI Joes, I'm sure these time traveling baddies can as well.


Kym:

And it makes even LESS sense, because the plot revolves around 'solving the mystery' around the time traveling...but several of the people on the good guy's side are from the past as well! Can't they like...ask? Are they too embarassed? And what the hell's with the keys?!


Rob:

And why is our heroine such a lousy cop? She gets kidnapped and/or disarmed at least three times an episode. All in all, it's not a good show at all, despite Jorge Garcia and Sam Neill's nice performances.





Kym:

So...can you explain 'Luck' to me?


Rob:

Nope. Not in the least. I admittedly don't know too much about horse racing, but in any case there's no way I could possibly follow this clusterf*ck of a drama.



Kym:

It reminds me a bit of the Sopranos, only instead of angry Italians, we have angry comedians.


Rob:

You said it. Dustin Hoffman, Kevin Dunn, Richard Kind, Nick Nolte...



Kym:

Nick Nolte?


Rob:

Well, I laughed.



Kym:

I did my best to follow the story, but it keeps jumping around to about fourteen different characters, never explaining anyone's identity, motivations, or...anything, really. To make it worse, half the cast either mumbles, or speaks with a weird accent.


Rob:

All we know is there's horse racing, some sort of gambling, a few hotel rooms, and everyone's angry with each other. I can't even recall anyone's names. One guy just got out of jail, another guy's always on a phone, another guy's Spanish, another guy's in a wheel chair, and another guy's Nick Nolte. Everything else is a blur.



Kym:

Great job, HBO. Money well spent.





Kym:

Mystery isn't necessarily a bad thing, of course. In Touch, I think it actually works. Part of the reason is because we know and understand the 'who' and 'why'. The 'who' is a young autistic boy who can tell the future, but can't talk, only communicating through numbers and odd clues. The 'why' is because he's part of the next great evolution in mankind. It's figuring out what's going to happen, and what has to be done, that makes it interesting.


Rob:

It is interesting, although it gets more than a little ridiculous at times (the same number matches a day, time, and a person's address???). It's quite entertaining though, with Keefer Sutherland playing the part of badass-father, instead of the regular badass-badass on 24.



Kym:

There's enough action to keep things going, and the elements of the plot come together well. Although it's confusing in that I'm not sure where it's going, or how things are happening, it's probably the best of these new bizarre shows.





Rob:

I have slightly mixed feelings with The River. More so than any other of these shows, it reminds me of Lost, although the magical elements are a bit more overt, giving it more of an X-Files feel.



Kym:

It's a pretty good adventure/action show, with a family and camera crew sailing down a magical South American river, filled with monsters and ghosts to keep things suspenseful. The whole thing has sort of a Supernatural/Angel feel to it, which isn't a bad thing.


Rob:

(It might be a bad thing)




Kym:

*SMACK*


Rob:

Ouch! I thought you couldn't see things in parentheses!



Kym:

Doesn't work when it's typed out. As for The River, I can see it working as a mini-series, but I just don't think there's enough material here to make a full series with it. They're either going to find the source of the river, or they won't.


Rob:

In a sense, it has the opposite problem as Alcatraz. TOO MUCH is known. We already know all the important characters, what's happened, what's going to happen, and why. Everything from now until they find the source/father, is just killing time.



Kym:

Let's just hope it doesn't take 5 seasons to get there.





Rob:

Orange and blue. Why's every movie/tv poster have to be orange and blue?




Kym:

Can you explain THIS show to me?


Rob:

Oh sure, this is a lot easier to follow than Luck. Basically, he's dreaming half of his life, and in one half his wife is dead, and in the other his son is dead. The problem is, he can't tell which is reality and which is the dream.




Kym:

I liked Jason Isaacs performance, known to Harry Potter fans as Lucius Malfoy.



Rob:

And known to Harry Potter fangirls as Luscious Malfoy.




Kym:

Awake was interesting, but a bit hard to follow. I do like the aforementioned orange and blue tinging, just to help signify which of the realities he's in. It might be a bit too weird of a concept to work though, so we'll have to see if it pans out.




Rob:

I really liked it, and although it's 'yet another' cop procedural show, at least it's a highly unique and interesting one.




Kym:

Let's just hope it doesn't turn out to be yet another 'all a dream/hallucination/afterlife' ending. Lost might sue for copyright infringement.


FINAL RATINGS:


Alcatraz: Ignore it until it either goes away, or makes a lot more sense.

Luck: Don't bet on this one.

Touch: Check it out!

The River: Watch, until it gets repetitive.

Awake: Worth a shot.