Rob:
Don't get us wrong, we're not talking about TV repeats.
Kym:
No, we're talking about the sheer limitless number of sequels, adaptations, and prequels out there this season. How many actually original movies are there out there this season? Most certainly single digits only.
Rob:
Before we start our yearly Summer preview, let's start with the a movie Kym and I (and numerous other women and their fellow whipped boyfriends) saw:
Kym:
Come on, even you guys have to admit: it's a kick-ass movie!
Rob:
No question, it is a very kick-ass movie....only problem is that there's a movie BEFORE the kick-ass movie, that's an hour and a half of dull romance, wandering around a ship, and deciding if they want to name their next flagship the S.S. Hubris, the S.S. Totally Invincible, or the S.S. Fuck You God.
Kym:
It's important for establishing characters, and getting you to really care about the people who are doomed to die, for no good reason at all. Even the most jaded boyfriend has to admit it looks especially great on the big screen in 3D. James Cameron movies are all made for it.
Rob:
I certainly didn't mind 3D nude Kate Winslet. In preparation for viewing, I trained myself to immediately wake from a deep slumber upon hearing the phrase 'draw me like one of your French girls'. Anyway, the next movie we saw in the theater was...
Kym:
You know your fiance truly loves you when he's willing to bring you the following week to see Titanic again.
Rob:
Near.....far.....for three GOD DAMN hours....I believe that this movie's too long...
Kym:
This movie really stands up to multiple viewings though. It's a classic that we might not see on the big screen again for a very long time.
Rob:
Sigh....oh well, I guess I can understand that. So let's move on to the next week, where we finally got the chance to sink our teeth into the hotly anticipated....
Rob:
...
Kym:
I love you, dear!
Rob:
Sigh....let's just move onto the Summer preview, which might be the 'summer of repeats', but at least it starts on a hotly anticipated sequel that has been giving geeks the 'warm fuzzies' since Iron Man 1:
(May 4th)
Kym:
Finally! I've been waiting over a year for this!
Rob:
Who would have known that of the both of us, you'd be the one going gaga over the Avengers. Of course, Chris Hemsworth (as Thor) might have something to do with it. Between him and Robert Downey Jr (as Iron Man), the movie won't be short of any eye candy for the ladies.
Kym:
I feel a little sorry for Chris Evans. Despite being totally buff and hot, he's still considered the 'shy & geeky' member of the team. It's difficult to look at him shirtless and think of him as the third most attractive guy on the team, but there you go.
Rob:
Oh well, kids love him. It's the shield. Every young boy loves having a toy shield to throw around. Also, the eye candy isn't all for the ladies. Scarlett Johansson is as gorgeous as ever.
Kym:
Not to mention that the movie looks action packed and hilarious! I can't wait!
(May 11th)
Kym:
Aaaaaaaaaaand there goes my buzz.
Rob:
Yeah, that is a bit jarring. I've seen the trailer, and I hope that 'one' joke is all limbered up and ready to go, because he's gotta last the entire movie without help from any other jokes to back him up.
Kym:
What the hell does this have to do with the TV show Dark Shadows, which was a vampire soap opera? Although the creators of this update are claiming that the original show had quite a bit of comedy in it, but I'm pretty sure the comedy didn't revolve around making fun of the fact that it was the 70's.
Rob:
I call this trend 'Slash and Burn' re-imagining. It's when you reboot something, but only to make fun of how ridiculous it is. Rather than try and update it, they're just sacrificing the brand in an attempt to make a buck. It's kind of sad.
Kym:
I'm sure Johnny Depp will give a great performance, but history has shown us that he'll gladly star in terrible movies, so there's a good chance it won't be enough.
(May 18th)
Rob:
WHAT THE?! Oh...whew! For a moment, I thought it was Titanic again. Instead we have Battleship, the movie based on a kid's boardgame. I advise the aliens to 'aim for the middle of the board'.
Kym:
Putting this in modern day against aliens is kind of ridiculous, given that it's supposed to be WW2. Of course, I'm sure that wouldn't really thrill audiences, but neither did the last alien themed summer blockbuster: Cowboys Vs Aliens. With enough Michael Bay-ish special effects, I'm sure it'll do well though.
Rob:
But how well? The movie cost around 870 Jillion dollars! Now that's an expensive board game! Nothing short of a spectacular showing will save this movie from a 'John Carter' like fate.
(May 25th)
Kym:
Men in Black 1 was a really fun movie, and despite the lacking script/premise, 2 wasn't bad either.
Rob:
Even if you surrender every other point, you have to admit that Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones don't give bad performances. The 2nd Men in Black may have been a bit deficient overall, but Will Smith delivered his lines with some of the best comic timing I can remember (the scene after they get flushed, where Smith is trying to convince Jones that he used to LOVE getting flushed, is one of my all time favorites)
Kym:
I really like that the overall look of the movie is similar to the old fashioned 50's sci-fi films, and despite Tommy Lee Jones having a smaller role, I have high hopes for the movie, and it's new leading star, Josh Brolin.
Rob:
Goonies never say die!
(June 1st)
Kym:
Thor, take 2!
Rob:
Snow White re-makes, take 807!
Kym:
Despite the literally hundreds of Snow White remakes flooding TV and movies, this one looks pretty good. Lots of action, romance, Chris Hemsworth, and evil magic! Hopefully, Kristen Stewart will do a better job here than as the vacant Bella.
Rob:
No way she could do worse.
(June 8th)
Kym:
Guess which Uncle and Aunt are going to have to bring their niece to this?
Rob:
I can only guess. Kym fell asleep during the 2nd Madagascar (our 3rd date, and 2nd movie together), but as far as mediocre, 'C-list actor' filled kids movies go, the Madagascar series is relatively painless. If nothing else, Chris Rock always has a good line or two in them, and it gives Ben Stiller a paycheck. (He helped give us the Royal Tenenbaums, he deserves it)
(June 8th)
Rob:
Oooo oooo oooo! *Jumps up and down*
Kym:
I don't know much about the Alien series, but this looks pretty good. The special effects alone are really impressive.
Rob:
I'll quickly catch you up on the story, through mime! *Begins miming*
Kym:
Okay....Rob's acting as if he has some sort of squid on his face....now something's leaping out of his torso....he's turned off most of the lights...now he's running around in his underwear.....and now he's hurling himself out the window.....
Rob:
The rest is pretty much just disappointing sequels.
Kym:
All I really know is from the Disney World great movie ride. The aliens are indeed freaky, and remind me of the aliens in Independence Day.
Rob:
Alien came first.
Kym:
Independence Day was a better movie.
Rob:
*SPIT TAKE*
Kym:
Will Smith was really good in it!
Rob:
*MONOCLE FALLS OFF*
Kym:
Let's just move on....
(June 22nd)
Rob:
One of the only 'non-sequel/prequel/remake' movies out this summer...although it is sort of a 'princess movie', so it sort of be seen as a disney sequel.
Kym:
I don't think so. She may be a princess, but she's the first princess in a Pixar movie, and the only Disney princess I can think of that doesn't need a man to faun over. Merida is a kick-ass young woman who loves living independently, doing what she wants to. Even Mulan didn't get that. She got a shoe horned in love interest at the end, instead.
Rob:
Think of Merida as less whiny, pretentious, and man dependent 'Katniss Everdeen'. Should be great, then again, Pixar movies generally are. If nothing else, it's certain to be an absolutely gorgeous movie, and that alone is worth the price of admission.
(June 22nd)
Rob:
Not since 'Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus' have I been so sold on a movie just from the title alone.
Kym:
How can you not love this premise: Abe Lincoln's mother was killed by a vampire, and so a grown up Honest Abe uses a silver coated axe to hunt the undead.
Rob:
The preview had all I ask for in a movie. As long as the movie includes at least one scene of Abraham Lincoln going all 'Buffy' on a group of vampires, with a silver axe, I will leave the theater a happy man.
Kym:
You know...although this movie is definitely aimed at guys, I must admit, I'm excited to see it as well. Perhaps it's the Buffy/Angel marathons of my youth, but I think this premise has real potential.
Rob:
Get your Academy Awards ready. Oscar season is starting a little early this year....
....
Kym:
The second half of the Summer movie list will be up next week. Until then, check out our top 6 (we tried to keep it at 5, but failed) movies we're most looking foward to seeing:
Rob:
1. Dark Knight (preview next week)
2. Avengers
3. Brave
4. Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter
5. Expendables 2 (preview next week)
6. Prometheus
Kym:
1. Avengers
2. Brave
3. Snow White and the Huntsman
4. Dark Knight (preview next week)
5. Men in Black 3
6. Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter
Rob:
Finally, based on the schedule, the next few movies we'll most likely be seeing:
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