Saturday, June 23, 2012

Prometheus Spoiler Alert: The Aliens Sort of Look Like 'Thingies' and 'Ding Dongs'








Rob:

Yup, in a Scooby Doo-like reveal, we discover the truth: the aliens did it.


Kym:

You don't say.


Rob:

And that evil corporation?  Is EVIL.



Kym:

Our continuing disappointment with Summer movies (starting with Snow White and the Huntsman) continues with the over-hyped Prometheus.


Rob:
 

Personally, I wouldn't go that far.  The movie has some absolutely gorgeous cinematography, special effects, and wonderful atmosphere.











Kym:

Meh.


Rob:

...that's it?  Just Meh?


Kym:

Meh.


Rob:

It's going to be a really short post if that's all you have to say.


Kym:

Alright, it was also really long.




 Even the aliens were long.


Rob:

Well there was a...okay, the movie was indeed really long.  But there were a lot of important plot elements to get through.


Kym:

Why?  It's supposed to be a monster movie.  As much as geeks of the world love the Alien series, it's at its heart a series of monster movies.  Some of them are great monster movies, in the same way Psycho was a great thriller-slasher, and the Birds was a great disaster movie, but for a series that's supposed to be about monsters, there were way too many scenes of people talking, and not enough monsters.



  
 Can you guess what's missing from the above picture?  Hint: it's monster related.


Rob:

Well you sort of have to take the...okay, there weren't nearly as many monsters as I'd hoped.  And the monsters that were there didn't seem to mesh with the rest of the movie.  It's as if the movie originally contained none, and the film executives held Ridley Scott at gunpoint until he added some.






Or Fruedian-monster-point.  Whatever Works


Kym:

Despite my hubby to be liking the atmosphere, as a non-geek (I hope, he's rubbing off on me) I just wasn't thrilled or interested enough to enjoy it past the first hour.  Even the big alien fight at the end didn't really do much for me.  I just kept thinking: Thor would kick that monster's ass.




Not being Chris Hemsworth has its consequences.


Rob:

The scariest scene was actually the infamous 'c-section' scene, which somehow manages to be even MORE terrifying than your average c-section.


Kym:

Aside from that disturbing scene (and how odd it was that no one besides the android acknowledges that the whole alien baby thing even happened), the movie was actually pretty predictable.  Despite not having quite enough action scenes and monsters (at least in a way that was interesting or made sense) it pretty much followed your standard horror movie plot.  They split up, picked off one by one, and then only the girl lives.  It's horror without the horror.


Rob:


I still have to disagree.  Overall, I still like the movie, although it pales in comparison to Alien 1...then again, every other Alien movie really does.  It just seems like a theme that only works well when kept low key.  I didn't even like Aliens (Alien 2) that much.  Your buddy James Cameron didn't 'do it' for me that time.  He won't get my $15 for that blu-ray.



Kym:

That's okay, I'm pretty sure he's got enough cash without it.





Rob:

And there goes my buzz....


Kym:

I didn't see this one with Rob, who went with his little sister.  I'll have to defer to his opinion for this one.


Rob:

It was better than the first two, although that's sort of like saying that the sinus surgery I had was better than the dental surgery.  There was a great 10 minute chase scene in the beginning though, involving a hilariously evil French chic who's channeling Professor Umbridge.





Rob:

After that it was just two 'okay' music numbers, and then....







Rob:

For about an hour or so, bringing us to the cornerstone of the Madagascar series: ridiculously racist caricatures!  We have the over the top 'minstrel' show above...



Rob:

Followed by the obsequious Italian idiot, with an accent so thick that it's dripping Marinara sauce....





Rob:

Followed by a hard drinking Russian (okay, it's soup in the movie, but they play it up as if it were booze) and the 'British asshole that hates everthing' archetypes that reality TV and food shows can't seem to get enough of as the puppies.  Wonderful.


Kym:

It really wasn't that bad, was it?





Kym:

Uh...


Rob: 

Yeah, you just try and get the 'circus afro' song out of your head.  You can't.  It's scientifically impossible.


Kym:

Still, I've heard it was at least a bit funny.


Rob:

A tiny bit funny.  The penguins were funny, as usual.  It wasn't good enough to warrant the ticket cost though, especially if you plan to see it in 3D.  If you can, try and stall the kids in your family until Brave comes out.


Kym:



Which is this week!  We're going to the dine-in theater!


 
Rob: 

So we're going to the theater that serves booze for 'Brave' and NOT 'Madagascar 3'?!  


Kym:


Sorry, love.



Rob:

Oh, the irony.....




Kym:

Don't worry, my guess is this will be the last of the Madagascar movies.  I mean, they've pretty much been everywhere at this point, right?


Rob:

Yeah, the only racist accents they have left are Australian and Asian...which are both found in the South Pacific....




(I can't believe we're having so many wacky adventures in the South Pacific!)



Rob:

My God.  The horror...the horror...

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