Ethnically Diverse Singing Dolls Need to Shut Up

(HELP!!!)

Kym:

Oof!  Who knew unpacking and getting life back to normal after a wedding/honeymoon took so long?



Rob:

Two weeks and nary a movie to have seen for our troubles.  Still, we'd like to review some of our favorite parts of Disney World.  Since the Magic Kingdom's so big, this post we'll just focus on the hot princesses.

(Should only take 9-10 pages or so)

Kym:

Enough with the princesses!  They're taken, and so are you, you boob!


Rob:

True enough.  Instead let's start with a post on our favorite rides and attractions in the Magic Kingdom, starting with Adventureland.  We'll start each section with our absolute favorite ride, followed by an 'underrated gem'.

Kym:

We start with Pirates of the Caribbean, one of my all time favorite rides! 


Rob: 

Everyone sing!  "Oh it's a world of darkness, a world of caves...



Kym:

Uh...


Rob: 

It's a world of torture, and sex trade...."

Kym:

Okay, so it isn't necessarily the most politically correct ride, what with all the pillaging, skeletons, wenching and such, but that just adds to its charm.  Disney has been known to push the barriers for what's considered family friendly.


Rob: 

No complaints here!   As I mentioned with Hunchback, I like seeing something new and unique, and this certainly fits.  Although adding Captain Jack Sparrow is less a unique move and more of a commercial one.

Kym:

No complaints here either!  I love Captain Jack Sparrow, and it helps the ride reach a new generation of fans.  Jack's now featured three times through the ride, first by a clothesline, then hiding in a barrel, and finally with all the treasure.

(Actual picture of Johnny Depp receiving his royalties for the movies/ride)

Rob:

Despite my comments, they have cleaned up the ride a little, with less actual murder, no implied sexual assault, and the 'Bride sale' now being more of a distribution of willing wenches, than the original version's outright sex slavery.


Kym:


Oh, and for all you paranoid people out there, despite taking place in a boat, you won’t get wet.  One of the times we went, the row ahead of us were practically cowering behind their jackets, for fear of getting wet. 


Rob:

What, were they part of a Wicked Witch convention?
 

Kym:

Possibly.  All they'd do is cackle, compare flying monkeys, and fight over shoes.  Worst convention EVER.

Kym:


Ah the Enchanted Tiki Room! Or as it’s more commonly known, the TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI room. 


Rob:


What a charming and incredibly odd show. 




Kym:


I didn’t think it was that weird.  It’s cute singing birds. 


Rob:


Seriously?  It was downright Lynchian!   

 (Still a lot more family friendly than Lynch's Enchanted Rabbit Room)

Rob:

At first it seemed normal, with the standard ethnic stereotypes for the character voices. 

Kym:


A product of its time, although nothing offensive, just a collection French, Spanish, Irish, and German accents.  Then over the course of two songs, a great variety of birds enter show, including Cockatoos, Macaws, Tucans, Foxtail birds, Parrots, and many more!  It’s a visual feast! 

Rob:

And then without warning, the flowers started singing.   

Rob:

Yes, the tropical flowers lining the walls, mostly ‘birds of paradise’ that appeared to be nothing more than decorations suddenly morph into mouths singing away.  Then just when you think you’re safe, the Tiki drummers and Totem poles begin chanting, as a virtual storm erupts around you.  FREAKY! 

Kym:



It’s a really fun show though, and the very first audio animatronic show in the Disney Magic Kingdom. Isn't that right, dear?


Rob:


Then they warn you that the island volcano Gods have been angered by their singing!  Then guess what happens?  THEY KEEP SINGING!  WE’RE ALL DOOMED!  DOOMED!!!


Kym:


Chill out, luv. 



Rob:

*WHEW* Right, a Dole Whip it is!  YUM!

...


Kym:

Next we enter Frontierland and Liberty Square, which more or less combine into one area.  Unfortunately, we weren't able to get to the Hall of Presidents this year...



Rob:


Sure we did!  


 
Kym:

We did?

Rob: 


Yeah, I remember it perfectly!  Old mansion.  Dead guys in suits.  Madam Leota’s head floating in a crystal ball… 

(Taft, Jackson, and John Quincy Adams hitch a ride...)

Kym:


*Sigh* Well, the Haunted Mansion’s close enough, I guess.  It also happens to be our all time favorite Disney ride!  No other ride or show has anywhere near as much detail, which is not to insult any of them. 
The Haunted Mansion’s just so packed with creepy, cool details that no matter how many times we go on the ride, we seem to always notice something new!

Rob:


Even the line has a lot of great interactive elements, including a musical organ, ghostly tombstones, a moving bookshelf, a musical wall, a ghost sneezing underwater, a poet, and more!  

Kym:


Although the ride’s a little creepy, it’s never too much, making it fun for all ages.  After a few haunted tricks, you make your way to the Doom Buggy and the ride finally begins, and the small details really begin to steal the show.  The shadow of the invisible piano player....freaky pictures...ghostly dancers...the ghosts of two pistol duelists...


Rob:

Now that's what I call a tie! 

Kym:

I absolutely love the black widow bride with the axe, and the portraits of her husbands without heads. 

Rob:

Yikes!  Now don't get any ideas luv!

Kym:

You all really have to go see it for yourself to appreciate it.  And if you’ve already gone once, then “hurry back”…

Rob:

For our underrated gem in Frontierland/Liberty Square, we've chosen the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad!


Kym:


It may not be the most famous of the Disney roller coasters.  In fact, it’s sort of known as the runt of the litter, especially when compared to the others, but not only is it still a lot of fun, it becomes a whole new ride altogether at night! 


Rob:

It’s too dark to see what’s ahead, making every turn and drop a surprise!  We were also lucky enough to ride it when the fireworks show was going, which made the experience absolutely amazing! 


Kym :

It's damn near close to a perfect Disney experience, so give it a try if you can!

...

Kym:

Next we move on to Fantasyland!


Rob:

And there goes my buzz.


Kym:

Be nice!

Rob:

Only kidding folks!  Although Fantasyland's definitely aimed at younger park goers, it's still a lot of nostalgic fun....as long as the ride doesn't include fifteen minutes in a cramped boat, surrounded by ethnically diverse singing dolls.


Kym:


There’s a lot of great rides in Fantasyland (and I do enjoy It's a Small World, despite Rob's complaining), and my pick for favorite is Peter Pan's Flight, followed closely by Winnie the Pooh.  


Rob:


As with most Disney rides, it’s a rail shooter (gun sound effects not included).  However, unlike the boats and carts, Peter Pan soars above the scenes, making you feel like you’re flying right along with all the heroes! 


Kym:


It’s such a better ride than it had to be, with great details and sensations!  It could really use a bit of a face lift though, with a bit more movement and special effects.  Winnie the Pooh outdoes them there.  Regardless, I still like Peter Pan a little bit better.  I also like that they changed one of the mermaids into Ariel. 


Rob:


Now Ariel’s a good girl, she’d never try to drown Wendy like that.  


Kym:

 Perhaps it’s her sisters then.  Those girls play ROUGH.

Rob:

For the underrated gem, I have to go with Mickey's Philharmagic, which is really about Donald's 3D escapades through several classic Disney songs.  This is by far my favorite Disney show, with amazing visual effects and beautiful songs.

Kym:

It's also an homage to classic Disney cartoons, with Donald getting in trouble, throwing tantrums, and going nuts over the pretty girls...


Rob:

This time it's Ariel, and it's hilarious to see them both in the same scene.

(Can't blame him. Yowza!)





Kym:

A few more wacky escapades through Disney classics, and Donald's back where he started, without a single lesson learned.  Gotta love that crazy duck!

(Few Disney characters can accidentally wind up in this sort of predicament)

...

Rob:


Off to Tommorowland, an offbeat futuristic world, and home of one of Disney’s best rides: Space Mountain!  Brace yourself for this one!  Seriously, I didn’t the first time and felt more than a little beat up afterwards. 


Kym:

This is a light speed ride with lightning fast turns, twists, and no visibility so be prepared for anything!  Even the ‘gotcha’ ending!  You go through a tunnel with a red light, which looks like the end, and WHAMMO, you speed on for a little more! 


Rob:


Last time I almost lost my back pack!  And my lanyard!  And my glasses.... 


Kym:

Yes dear, we....



Rob:

And my wallet....and my shorts.....and my everything else....and then I almost flew off naked.


Kym:

Moving on.

Kym:



For our favorite underappreciated gems, we have a bit of controversy in Tommorrowland, for we don’t agree.  My favorite is the People Mover.  Which I do enjoy.  It’s a cart that moves through Tommorrowland above everyone’s heads, giving you a preview of all the different rides and attractions. 


Rob

Thanks to the people mover, I found out where they sold custom light sabers!  No geek's complete without one!

(The force is strong with this one...)

Kym:


I enjoy people watching and cruising through rides, like the aforementioned Space Mountain. 

Rob:

Hey, there's my shorts!  Knew they were still around here somewhere.

(Thankfully, the shorts are also strong with this one)

Rob:



Now that I’m completely enpantsed again, I’d like to introduce everyone to MY underappreciated gem in Tommorrowland: The Carousel of Progress! 

Kym:


Uh...seriously?



Rob:

You didn't enjoy it?



Kym:

I did, but in a hokey-nostalgic sort of way.  Wouldn't call it a 'gem' though.


Rob:


That it is, but unlike It’s a Small World, I enjoyed this nostalgic hokiness a lot more.  The show takes you through many stages of history, following a family of immortal vampires. 

(Not that one, thankfully)

Kym:

They are not.


Rob:

One could also make the argument that it's different versions of the same family, but I like my idea better.  Anyway, the ride shows the same family in many different parts of history, starting around the turn of the century, jumping from 1900 to 1920 to 1940 to present day.  Each time they reveal how they live, what technology they have, and what their daily life is like.

Kym:

Amazing.  I can barely stand the excitement.  It's just like Space Mountain all over again...

Rob: 


Well as a history buff, I really enjoyed it.  It’s fascinating how much life changed for people in a span of only 40 years.  


Kym:


I guess so, although the song gets annoying REALLY quick.   


(listen if you dare!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKeLmiBl9KU



Rob:


Well I thought it was fun.  Although for the rest of the day, every time you run into modern technology in the park, you find yourself going: ‘I heard that young Steve Jobs is trying to make a portable telephone that’s also a computer! It’ll NEVER work.’



Kym:




Like the Tiki Room, it’s a delightful nostalgic oddity, but I gotta choose the People Mover over this one.



...


Kym:


All this walking around (seriously, wear comfortable shoes folks) has probably made you hungry, and Magic Kingdom’s got our personal favorite ‘quick service’ meal (fast food, only better, like Chipoltes or Boston Market) the Columbia Harbor house.  

Rob: 


It’s a nice little place in the middle of Liberty Square, with some typical American fare, and our personal favorite Fried food.  Which my dad always refers to, regardless of where you get it, as the ‘Batter Platter’. 


Kym:


Fried chicken strips, fried fish, and French fries.  Now that’s what I call Brunch!  If you just want a snack, we already mentioned the beloved Dole Whips in Adventureland (you know a snack is good when they have their own t-shirts for sale).

Kym

, and the Plaza Ice Cream on Main Street is also great, especially the waffle cone sundaes.




Rob:

For a full service restaurant meal…you might want to leave the park.  There’s quite a few nice places, but they’re mostly ‘character meals’.  If you want the chance to meet the Disney characters and get autographs, then they’re great, but otherwise they’re a bit overpriced. 


Kym:


The Crystal Palace has the cast of Winnie the Pooh and a nice buffet.  Loved their desserts! 



Rob:


Cinderella’s Royal Table has several princesses and although it’s a bit overpriced, I did really enjoy Jasmine’s cleavage. 

Kym: 

...

Rob:

I MEAN Cinderella's swanlike neck...

Kym: 

...


Rob:

I MEAN....


Kym:

I'm waiting....


Rob:

*Sigh* The princesses were hot.  I throw myself at the mercy of the court.

(Preferably their court)

Kym:

Can't take you anywhere...

Rob:

Sorry, luv.

Kym:

Seriously though, the best food near Magic Kingdom was actually at the resorts nearby.  Hop the mono-rail and check out Ohana at the Polynesian resort for a terrific brunch, or The Wave at the Contemporary resort for some of the most amazing food we had all trip!  A personal favorite was the Cobb salad, although everything was very good.  Try it!

Kym:

Now that you’ve rode every cool ride and stuffed yourself silly, it’s time for a late night parade/show!  Our personal favorite is the Mainstreet Electric Light Parade, a delightful parade of lights, floats, and charming characters!  

Rob:

Alice said hello directly to me!  Hey Alice, you’re awesome!  Best Disney book to movie adaptation ever!  Also, you might want to keep an eye on your Uncle Lewis Carroll!  Just make sure there’s another adult around or something!  

Kym:

Can't take you anywhere.  Oh well, anything else you'd like to add about our favorite parade?

Rob:

Donkey kid from Pinocchio tried to take our balloon.  Jerk.

Kym:

Well he'll be working as a pack animal in a salt mine soon.

Rob:

Ha!  Disney fact: bad kids being turned into donkeys and forced into slavery never stops being funny.

Kym:

Wishes comes on a little later, an amazing fireworks show that rivals any fourth of July celebration I've seen (as we mentioned, try to be on the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad while it's going on).  If you’re lucky enough to be there for a Not So Scary Halloween night, you’ll be treated to a wonderful Halloween parade, filled with dance numbers, songs, and floats!

Rob:

You gotta love the Magic Kingdom!  It’s where wishes really do come true!  Except absolutely no touching the princesses.   They're pretty adamant on that one.

(Sorry Rob, no dice)

Kym:

Seriously, can’t take you anywhere.  

(Oh well, stay tuned for more Disney next week! )