Assuming the World Didn't Blow Up: Happy Holidays!

Kym:

We're back!  Sorry it's been so long, but in case you didn't notice, the Northeast sort of had...well, a mini-apocalypse, really.



Rob:

The Mayans missed it by a little over a month.  Nice try, guys.  Better luck next time.




Kym:

Then came the inevitable holidays, complete with shopping, decorating, overeating, and endless holiday specials.

Lesson 1: Never Volunteer to Run Anything (Known as Brown's law)

Rob:
 
So without further ado, we will now complete our post on Disney...WAIT....something's wrong.


Kym:

I feel it too!  It's...TOO MUCH HOLIDAY SPIRIT!


Rob: 

MY GOD!  WE'RE DROWNING IN IT!  Think it had something to do with our eight hour Christmas Carol marathon?

The 'Fabulous' Ghost of Christmas Past says 'yes'

Rob:

Is there no hope?!

Kym:

Just the opposite!  There's WAY TOO MUCH HOPE!  We must alleviate this excessive Yuletide cheer with a holiday post, specifically on all the versions of the Christmas Carol we watched, and which are the best!


Rob:

Can anything possibly outshine the cinematic 'tour de force' Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol?!

(Spoiler Alert: yes)

Kym:

Don't worry folks, we'll finish up our Disney World posting after the holidays.  Until then, let's add some holiday cheer with a quick review of the holidays, and one of history's classic evil villains... 

Rob: 

TINY TIM.

(Someone break it to Cratchit that his wife's cheating on him with Satan.)

Kym:

Granted, that's a pretty freaky picture of the kid, and too many of the Christmas Carols really beat you over the head with how pathetic and sad he is.  Regardless, I think you might be giving the poor crippled youth a hard time.

Rob:

Even in the movies where he SINGS?!

Kym:

I withdraw my statement. 

CHRISTMAS CAROL (1951), starring Alistair Simms

Rob:

I absolutely loved Alistair Simms' performance.  He projects so much emotion perfectly, and with a lot more energy than many of the versions around the same time.

Kym: 

I'm normally not as into Black and White movies...

Rob:

I figured that out when you fell asleep through every old detective movie I showed you, even 'Murder My Sweet'!

Kym:

Which sure didn't murder my sleep.

Rob:

Ouch.  Score one for Kymmie.

Kym:

Anyway, there was no way I was falling asleep through this version of Scrooge.  Despite being old, he plays Scrooge with not only a lot of energy, but a sense of physical power as well.  This is the sort of Scrooge that physically barrels over orphans, powered by greed, avarice, and hate!  

Rob:

He definitely acts with a sense of 'invincibility', which makes his unsettled terror from the sight of Marley and the ghosts all the more powerful, especially with Simms' amazing acting ability.

That is the exact expression I'd have if my dead co-worker dropped by for a chat

Kym: 

There's also a lot of great extra scenes that you normally don't see in the Christmas Carol, really fleshing out Scrooge's history, how he and his girlfriend fell in love, and how the loss of his sister brought about his cold nature.

Rob:

 

We also see how he 'slithered' his way down into corruption.  We see corrupt business practices, a heartless mentor, and Marley as his partner in business/crime.  

Kym:

Even the regular scenes we normally see in Christmas Carols are much darker, such as with the mortician and cleaning ladies pawning his goods, where we discover that they stripped his room, his bed, and even his body completely bare, and no one in the world cares.

Rob:

All these added scenes really help you understand his character, making the ending redemption all the more wonderful.  This is the version all other versions of the Christmas Carol should be judged by. 


Kym:

The only thing bad I can say about it is that the ghosts are a bit forgettable, and it's certainly not 'family friendly'.


Rob:


That, and the Cratchit house looks pretty nice for a family that's supposed to be penniless.  By those days' standards it was practically a mansion.  Still, this version is indeed one of the absolute best!

Scrooge (1935), starring Seymour Hicks

Rob:

And there goes my buzz.

Kym: 

Yeah, there's really no way to defend this one.  Although it's the first 'spoken' Christmas Carol, it's almost completely lifeless, with Scrooge played by an actor who acts as if he's 808 years young. 

Rob:

We watched, fully expecting him to collapse into a pile of dust at any moment.  To make matters even more cheesy and lifeless, most of the ghosts aren't shown on screen!  The only one they could afford was 'Ghost of Christmas Present'.

'Fat guy in a Santa jacket' is the cheapest special effect we know

Rob:

Virtually every scene in the movie falls dead, making it one of the most boring and joyless versions I know.  The only scene of any merit was at the very end, where the redeemed Scrooge confronts Cratchit, who panics and actually grabs a club, to defend himself with!  We came this close to having Cratchit beat Scrooge to death over the end credits!


Kym:

Do it Bob!  Save us!!!

DISNEY'S CHRISTMAS CAROL (2009), starring Jim Carrey

 
Kym:

I think Jim Carrey did a very good job in this one, playing multiple parts all very well, and the miserly old Scrooge in a perfect 'heartless old geezer' manner. 

Rob:

Regardless, I think this is a movie with 'issues', overall leaning more on the side of bad than good.  The main problem are all the ridiculously over the top 3D effects, that really ruins the spooky atmosphere of the film.

Kym: 

I can just see the director now: set the mood, darken the lighting a bit...and now BLAST SCROOGE INTO ORBIT!

SUBTLETY!!!!!!

Rob:

The problems with the CGI don't end there.  Whereas Scrooge himself, and the ghosts all look good into a cartoony way, the 'regular characters' all fall over the cliff into the uncanny valley, with features all a bit wrong...

(His chin is definitely happy to see her.)

Kym:

I also wasn't comfortable with the ghost of Christmas Present.  There was something hostile and uncomfortable about his appearance, although I'm not exactly sure what.  I kept expecting him to squash Scrooge like a grape.

(Must not eat the old man....must not eat the old man...)

Rob:

Who would've thought that the animation studio responsible for Mars Needs Moms would've made so many uncomfortable looking characters.

(The correct response: kill it with fire.)

Kym:

Yikes!  Still, in my own opinion, this movie falls into the 'positive' spectrum of Christmas Carols, thanks to Jim Carrey's wonderful performance.


Rob:

Which was definitely better than his taste in girlfriends.

MICKEY'S CHRISTMAS CAROL (1983), starring Alan Young

Kym: 

Disney accomplishes the unthinkable: condense the Christmas Carol to 26 minutes, and not only tell a complete story, but make it one of the best versions ever made!

Rob:

Although far from definitive or perfect, this special is streamlined perfection, hitting every important plot point in the story without ever feeling rushed or confusing.


Kym:

Instead of making it creepy, they focus on the hallmarks of Disney movies: fun gags, great characters, and wonderful animation.  Using Uncle Scrooge is not only a no brainer, but also a way of cutting back on the needed back story, since he's already an established character. 


Rob:

Alan Young plays the part of Scrooge wonderfully, as he always does (he's done the voice acting for Scrooge in every show/movie the character's been in).  Hard to believe he's such a good voice actor, considering that he's Wilbur on the old show 'Mr. Ed'.


Kym:


You gotta be... (Checks IMDB) ...WOW!  Really?!


Rob:

Man's gotta eat.

Kym: 

Well he certainly earned his paycheck on this one!  Uncle Scrooge adds a lot of humor to the role, making it fine for kids, and a lot of fun for adults too.  All the Disney characters everywhere really livens things up (and again, eliminates the need to establish their characters).   Jiminy Cricket is my all time favorite ghost of Christmas Past.

Kym:

And Daisy is one of my favorite girlfriend's of Scrooge, adding a bit of emotion and anger to the part, without getting too dramatic.

(Got ya)

Rob:

Eh, for the most part their parts are too short for me to really say they're one of the best...except for Black Pete as the Ghost of Christmas Future, the only version I know of the part I know of that actually has lines.

Rob:

With Scrooge being normally the bully, Pete turns the tables on him, casually lighting his cigar before cruelly pushing Scrooge into his own grave, and laughing all the way.  It really adds a bit of fear and drama to the story, right before the end.


Kym:

I also found Mickey's family, including Tiny Tim, a lot less annoying than normal.  They keep it simple and sympathetic without rubbing your nose in it, and the graveyard scene with Tim speaks volumes without saying a single word.  Gotta love it!

CHRISTMAS CAROL (1984), starring George C. Scott

Rob:

The picture above really says it all.  Could you get a more perfect 'how long until we're finished filming this crap' look?


Kym:

It's weird that so many people consider this the 'definitive' version of the story.  I mean...did they actually bother to watch it?  Or did they just assume it was good?

Rob:

Maybe they assumed the George C. Scott did a good job because he's a good actor.  There's a reason the man normally plays military parts.  Family holiday stories aren't exactly his forte, and even if they were, he couldn't seem any more disinterested throughout the movie, obviously just doing it for the paycheck.

Kym:

Yeah, the whole thing has a cheap 'made for TV feel to it'.  Even if they did manage to get everyone's energy up, the casting's still very weird.  Not only is George C. Scott an odd choice for Scrooge, but we have David Warner as Bob Cratchit!  Kind of weird to be seeing the villain from Tron, and evil bodyguard from Titanic trying to get our sympathy.

(You know, I think this movie might stink)

Rob:

Personally, I credit the movie's popularity to nostalgia.  It's the first version many people our age saw, so it kind of wedged its way into the category of 'classic'.  I can't see anything good about it.


Kym:


There isn't that much wrong with it either.  It's not terrible, just amazingly mediocre.  I'd skip this one.

MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL (1992), starring Michael Caine

   

Rob:

DO NOT SKIP THIS ONE!

Kym:

They could've so easily just done this quick and cheap, cranking it out in half the time and still made money, but instead they made an absolute masterpiece!  The songs are the best in any version of the Christmas Carol, and Michael Caine gave an AMAZING performance!


Rob:

It's hard to believe he could play the part so seriously, and with so much emotion when his costars are Muppets!  Regardless, he not only managed, but gave us a perfect Ebeneezer Scrooge, both true to the original story and equally charming as he is cruel.

Kym:

Statler and Waldorf were my personal favorite versions of Marley in any version of the story, playing off each other perfectly, and heckling poor Scrooge into complete submission. 

Rob: 

Caine of course gives a great performance here as usual, really showing that he's not only scared of the sight of ghosts, but also intimidated by the Marley brothers themselves.  It's the first time we see Scrooge cow to anyone, and in the middle of a great musical number no less!



Kym:

I also really loved the Ghost of Christmas Present.  Although not exactly original in appearance, he absolutely nails the 'Santa Claus'-like character, filled with joy and understanding.  Never is he hostile or accusing towards Scrooge, no this spirit only brings love.

Don't worry Scrooge, he won't eat you.

Kym:

His musical number is also one of the best, although there really aren't any weak numbers in the whole movie.  It's one of those soundtracks that's perfect for Christmas!



Rob:

I liked their Ghost of Christmas Past.  She's odd and creepy, but clearly not dangerous.  Most versions of the Christmas Carol sort of 'phone in' the Ghost of Christmas past's appearance (or in Jim Carrey's case, go way over the top with it), but this is a unique balance that works well here.

May or may not eat you.  We'll have to see.

Rob:

The Ghost of Christmas Future was a bit generic, but not annoyingly so.  The only real flaw with the movie itself is the Cratchit family.


Kym:

I found Robin as Tiny Tim to be really annoying, really beating us over the head for sympathy.


Rob:


Also, they didn't really feel like the Cratchit family to me.  To me, it was Kermit, Robin, and Miss Piggy, not the characters they were playing.  I did like Kermit's shuddering in Scrooge's presence though, and Miss Piggy's rage at the end, threatening to raise Scrooge right off the pavement.  Kermit and Piggy both did a great job!  

Kym: 

You mean Steve Whitmire and Frank Oz, right?  The voice of Kermit and Piggy?  Not Kermit and Piggy themselves?

Rob:

Uh...yeah, let's go with that.

(I definitely remembered they were puppets.  Definitely.)

Kym:

*Sigh*....that reminds me that Jim Henson died right before they began making this.  Sort of bums me out.

Rob:

Well, there's more than enough good cheer in this film to bring us right out of that funk.  All things considered, this is probably our absolute favorite version of the Christmas Carol.  It's true to the original story, very well performed, and the songs really make the experience extra enjoyable!

 Kym: 

Unlike....

SCROOGE THE MUSICAL (1970), starring Albert Finney

Rob:

Kym and I have to agree to disagree on this one.

Kym: 

As long as we're agreeing that this movie's terrible.

Rob:

I liked it a lot more, being much more of a musical fan than Kymmie.
  

Kym: 

I don't even see how a fan of musicals could like this one!  Most of the songs are just repeating a few words over and over again, most of them croaked out by an elderly man who sounds like he's never sung before in his life.

Rob:

Now that's not fair.  I thought Finney did a good job.  Okay, he doesn't sing perfectly, but he sings like Scrooge would.

Kym:

Somehow, I don't think he'd fare so well on American Idol or the Voice.

To vote for Ebeneezer, dial or text 1-800-OLD-JERK

Kym: 

Honestly, I don't understand how anyone can like this version.  The songs made me want to claw my ear drums out.  If it wasn't mindless repetition or old geezer groaning, it was kids giving screechy 'newsie'-like performances.

Rob:

Well, I'm just going to soldier on and say I loved Sir Alec Guinness as Marley, who played the part with much more bite and viciousness than normal.  You really get the feeling that he's not really there to help Scrooge, but merely to watch him squirm, a glimpse of the man he was in life.

Kym: 

Another old croaking guy, this time in a comically huge bow tie.  Thrilling.

Rob:

I personally loved the songs, especially 'Thank You Very Much', which added some nice humor to...okay, my wife is now hiding underneath a pillow.  I think she's trying to tell me something.
  

(Is it go on?  Or maybe speak of Kenneth More's wonderful performance?)

Kym: 

*Muffled negative comment*

Rob:

Well, at least we can agree that this is the worst Tiny Tim in any version of the story I know, including the one where he wouldn't shut up about rasselberry dressing.

Kym: 

This is the sort of screechy, toneless singing meant to pull our heartstrings, but only drives us to try and torch the Cratchit home down.

(Kid, sing one more note and we're gonna make your legs match)

Rob:

Well, I like it, but I guess it's a polarizing movie.

Kym: 

Polarizing being another word for TERRIBLE.

Rob:

I may have some sentimental attachment here, but I do really enjoy the movie, especially the ridiculously over the top redemption scene at the end.

Kym: 

And I say this crap should be taken off Youtube so no one will be forced to watch it again.  I'm reporting it!  It's culturally insensitive!

Rob:

Wha...insensitive to who?


Kym:

MUSIC LOVERS.


Rob:

Ouch.


(CURRENT SCORE: KYM: 2, ROB: 0)


Rob:

Well, all that leaves us are Kids TV specials.  After Mickey's was so popular, everyone decided to make their own version.  Here's what I came up with after 5 minutes of looking on google image search.

(Not a repeat, Looney Tunes did two separate Christmas Carols)

Kym:

WOW.  What originality.  In Warner Brother's case, three times.


Rob:

Okay, technically the Mr. Magoo one came out before Disney's version, but we wouldn't be getting it crammed down our throat so often if Mickey's Christmas Carol wasn't such a hit.

Kym: 

There's nothing positive I can really say about any of them.  They're all one or more of the following: pale imitations, snorefests, terribly animated, and/or filled with horrible songs.

Rob:

This isn't even including the countless low budget animated versions of the Christmas Carol that aren't connected to an existing cartoon.  Despite being true to the original story, they're all hollow and pointless. 

Kym: 

Folks, choose Disney.  Accept no substitutes.

...

Rob:

Well, here's our final top 8 versions of the Christmas Carol, in case you were wondering (from best to worst):


1. MUPPETS CHRISTMAS CAROL (1992)

2. CHRISTMAS CAROL (1951)

3. MICKEY'S CHRISTMAS CAROL (1983)

4. DISNEY'S CHRISTMAS CAROL (2009)

(all downhill from here)

5. CHRISTMAS CAROL (1984)

6. COUNTLESS CHEESY CARTOON VERSIONS (1962-present)

7. SCROOGE (1935)

*SCROOGE THE MUSICAL (1970) [CONTESTED]

Rob:

As you see, we agree on all of them except the 1970 musical, which I feel is worthy of being #4 on the list, and Kym feels it should be...

Kym: 

Drawn, quartered, and buried in four separate graves.

Rob:

Let's just say she doesn't like it as much as I do.

Kym: 

Well anyway, Happy Holidays everyone, and we'll see you next year, with the second part of our Disney review, new movies, and lots of great cheer!

Rob:

Assuming the world didn't end on Friday.  If the world did end...well....CHRISTMAS PARTY IN HEAVEN AT CHARLES DICKEN'S PLACE!

WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Kym:


Either way, see you all there!  Merry Christmas!