Honeymoon in Disneyworld

Kym:

We're back!  And Married!



Rob:

Yes, Kym has finally gotten around to tying me down with the knot, and we were married on a very lovely (albeit incredibly windy) Saturday at Avon Beach, NJ.  We finally made it!  Ladies, I am no longer available.

(Someone break it to Elinor gently)

Kym:

You can break it to her yourself!  We're going to Disney World!


Rob:

We didn't even have to win anything to do it!  It's like the laziest World Series ever!


Kym:


Two blessed weeks away...and also most likely a post/review on some of their wonderful rides, shows, and restaurants.


Rob: 

Can I mention the ludicrously hot princesses?



Kym:

No.

(Very well.  No comment.)

Kym:

*Sigh* Well, with that over with, let's focus on our complete inability to get to the movies.  Nope, haven't gone in weeks.  Expendables 2 slipped through our fingers.

(We're pretty sure it's about this)

Kym:

We've simply been too exhausted with the wedding.  All the planning and preparation was honestly about 50 times harder than the wedding itself, which was a breeze.


Rob:

After collapsing from exhaustion at home, we comforted ourselves with Disney movies, many of which you've all undoubtedly seen...then a few that many of you probably haven't...
 

Kym:

Which led us to create this article on a few forgotten Disney masterpieces and other favorites.

Kym:

I love how real everything is in the movie.  With all the special effects and elaborate sets in most movies, it's so nice to see a movie where they actually brought the actors and animals to an island and built a tree house.


Rob:

I love the wonderful cast!  Virtually everyone in the movie was not only very talented, but eventually nominated for a prestigious acting award....okay, Tommy Kirk didn't really do much after he grew up, but he still had a good early career.

(Poor Francis gets the short end of the stick AGAIN)

Kym:

I'm surprised it doesn't get as much attention as some of the other Disney classics.  It's a great family adventure with something for everyone!


Rob:

Well...except songs.  Unlike most live action Disney movies, there's no songs in this one.  Breaking into song would've probably spoiled the mood a bit though, and personally, I'm thrilled we don't have to hear Tommy Kirk sing.

(DENIED AGAIN!  TWICE IN ONE POST!)

Kym:

Not all movies need songs or cartoon characters!  Swiss Family Robinson is a classic, with its own treehouse attraction in Magic Kingdom's Adventure Land.  It's not quite as cool as the movie's, but it's still really cool.

Rob:

Yeah, Disney certainly can't be accused of 'half-assing' anything.  Well, as long as you ignore the Countless direct to DVD sequels of the Eisner years.

(Mike Eisner: "Does that crab have his own movie yet?  No?  Give him a pretty crab girlfriend, an evil twin brother, make it 80 minutes, and I want it by Friday!!!)

Kym:

Let's just pretend those don't exist.  They're virtually all just shameless, soulless re-hashes of plots and jokes from the original movie.

Rob:

The only exceptions I'd make are for Aladdin 3 (nowhere near as good as the original, but pretty good), and Kronk's New Groove (a surprisingly hilarious movie, wish it made it to theaters)


Kym:

A good rule of thumb is if it isn't a good enough movie to make it to theaters, then you probably shouldn't bother making it.  Of course, not all sequels are bad...

Rob:

One of my all time favorites!  5% travel guide, 5% educational film, and 90% hilarious musical numbers.  I love this one!


Kym:

I first suspected you of being a fan when you hung this on the wall of our place:

Rob:

The movie poster pretty much says it all.  Donald and two of his friends from south of the border take him on a magical, musical adventure through our non-nazi/communist friends to the south.

 
Kym:

Non-nazi/communist?

Rob: 

Yeah, this wouldn't have been made if not for the film before it 'Saludos Amigos', which was entirely made as sort of a 'good spirited' propaganda film during World War 2.  It was all in good fun though, focusing on how good of a neighbor America and its friends down south are.  Although made for purely political reasons, there was nothing mean about it. 

Kym:

Sort of a love letter to Central and South America?  A little piece of paper that asks 'do you like me?' passed during class?

Rob:

Yeah, pretty much.  Anyway it was so successful, Disney made the followup, which was more for entertainment then political purposes, so all in all it works significantly better as a movie.  If you haven't seen it yet, I'd definitely check it out.  Every scene with Donald interacting with live action people is solid gold.



Kym:

And something Daisy definitely wouldn't approve of.

(Donald likes big butts and he cannot lie)

Kym:

We'll also be sure to check out the Three Caballeros ride in Epcot's Mexico section.  It's a lot of fun!

...

Kym:

Generally overshadowed by Marry Poppins, the highly underrated (and usually woefully cut down) Bedknobs and Broomsticks is a great Disney classic starring Angela Lansbury and David Tomlinson.  The story of a good hearted, amateur witch helping some orphans and the war effort in WW2 England.

Rob:

When picking this one up, be sure to look for the complete uncut version.  Several scenes were chopped out when they released it, including a lot more dancing in 'Portobello Road', which is my personal favorite part of the movie.  A couple of the scenes/songs are a bit long and inconsequential, but I think it's still a lot better with them than without.


Kym:

Although many people enjoy the 'Island of Naboombu' scene, I think it gets old very quick and has nothing to do with the rest of the movie, especially the neverending soccer scene.  The scene where they're underwater is a great one though.  I just wish we could skip straight from that to the dancing clothes song.


Rob:

To be fair, quite a few scenes are overly long and a bit pointless, but the movie overall is very enjoyable.  I also really enjoy the ending battle with the Nazis.  If you haven't seen it...

*SPOILER ALERT*

Rob:

The Nazis lose.


Kym:

It'd be a much darker movie if they didn't.  Even darker than...

Kym:

That movie poster isn't quite preparing parents for the political/religious/genocide/murder/multiple attempted infanticide of the film.


Rob:

I love just about everything about this movie, especially the stunning visuals and wonderful songs, but I have to agree, this isn't a movie for little kids.  In fact, I'm amazed this movie even got made!  Judge Frollo is a despotic and insane rapist (albeit attempted through threats, and not actual force) with a God complex.   To give you perspective, Governor Ratcliffe, the villain of their previous animated movie was more or less just greedy, and Scar from the Lion King was almost sympathetic!


Kym:

Seriously?  Scar is sympathetic?


Rob:

Mufasa harassed and belittled the HELL out of him!  Okay, Scar was a crappy leader, but it wasn't like anyone ever prepared him for the job.  Mufasa was the chosen child, not him.  Okay, he's not innocent, but Judge Frollo doesn't even have an excuse!  He just thinks minorities are sub human and must be destroyed, except the pretty ones, who are allowed to become his sex slaves rather than die.

(If you make other Disney villains seem sympathetic, then you've gone wrong somewhere in life)

Kym:

Good lord, how is this for children?!  This is an amazingly dark story, and when you go to a Disney cartoon you have certain expectations, especially when your movie poster includes lots of smiling, silly animals, and talking gargoyles! 


Rob:

Personally, I'm a fan of odd movies, and the juxtaposition of silly Disney animation/gags/songs and a really dark plot makes for one of the most unique movies they've ever made.  Granted, some scenes are better than others, the heroes are occasionally a little too 'goody goody', and the silly talking gargoyle friends have no place in a movie where a woman's killed by the villain on-screen.


Kym:

Still, I'm glad Disney is willing to push the envelope, and release a brave and intriguing movie that may or may not sit well with audiences, rather than just release something generic.  If it weren't for their willingness to push the envelope, we wouldn't have had the Lion King, which is more or less Hamlet in cartoon/animal form.


Rob:

True.  Perhaps it was inevitable that they'd push a bit too far, making the movie far darker than it needed to be.  All in all, I'm glad they did.  If you haven't seen this one, or haven't in a while, I'd definitely check it out.  As I mentioned, it's worth it just for the visuals and songs alone!


Kym:

Aside from the Judge showing up in the Fantasmic show in Hollywood Studios, it's surprising how little Hunchback shows up in Disneyworld and its merchandise.  I guess it's not family friendly enough.  Anyway, that just leaves us with a movie made for the Halloween season....

A

Kym:

Yes, technically it's "The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad", but you can go right ahead and skip the Mr. Toad segment.  It's just exceptionally British characters making asses out of themselves for thirty minutes. 



Rob:

I see what they were going for, as many of the characters are popular British caricatures from UK comedies, but most Americans probably won't notice enough difference to be interested in it.  It's not 'bad', but it is indeed a bit dull compared to the second half of the movie.  At least we get to see where the weasels from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" came from.


Kym:

Ichabod's adventures in Sleepy Hollow are a lot more interesting.  Although it's a little slow to start, it's a delightful setup of Ichabod's characters, who's simultaneously funny, kind, and thoroughly dis-likable.


Rob

It's not easy to make someone who isn't evil seem so completely greedy and slovenly, but the movie definitely manages to make sure the audience knows that Ichabod isn't really the hero or the villain.  He's the 'victim we shouldn't feel sorry for', akin to the obnoxious pot smoking teenagers found in most horror movies.  



Kym:

I don't know why, but I can't get enough of watching the guy squirm.

Rob:

I can't get enough of watching this guy:

Kym:


Disney really outdid themselves on this one, with a beautiful villain that immediately steals the show.  Never before have I seen a drawn character so dark in color, and yet stand out so well.



Rob:


It really is a masterpiece, and it's shamefully sweet to see the pretentious and smug Ichabod get chased all the way to oblivion and back by the horseman, while still managing to be kid friendly.   The only drawback I can mention about the movie is some of the elements seem very reminiscent of other Disney movies.  For example, the scene with Ichabod at the piano and the dog barking was originally intended for Cinderella.  You can see it in Cinderella's DVD extras. 



Kym:

Interestingly enough, Ichabod wasn't the only movie to do borrowing.  The scene early in the movie where Ichabod is walking through the quaint town with his nose in a book, deftly avoiding hazards, and everyone singing about how strange he is...well, let's just say that it reminds me of another opening Disney scene.  A real BEAUTY of a scene in a BEASTLY good movie. 


Rob:

Still, they're all good movies regardless.  Where the movie was really ground breaking was not in its gags, but the fact it was a bit scary while still being family friendly.  This was Disney's first big success with a 'not too scary Halloween story', and it made them all possible, especially the amazing Nightmare Before Christmas.


Kym:

Including the Disney World Not So Scary Halloween Party!


Rob:

Ah, I figured you'd squeeze in at least one more Disney World reference before our honeymoon.  Anything else you want to add before we start packing, luv?

Kym:

Only that I'd like to list our all time favorite Disney animated movies (not including Pixar).  I don't want to give the impression that the movies above are the best Disney has.  They're just a few forgotten favorites.  THESE are the best that Disney has:


KYM'S TOP 5 DISNEY ANIMATED MOVIES
 
1. Cinderella (a timeless classic)

2. Princess and the Frog (an underrated joy, and my favorite sound track of all time)

3. Pocahontas (gotta love it)

4. Sleeping Beauty (the most visually impressive Disney movie ever made, and arguably the best villain)

5. Little Mermaid (Under the Sea and Kiss the Girl are two of my favorite Disney song of all time)

Rob: 

Okay, my turn.


ROB'S TOP 5 HOTTEST PRINCESSES

1. Jasmine

(hoo-ha!)

2. Belle 

(holy...)

3. Ariel 

(yowza!)

4. Giselle 

(Human and cartoon form!)

5. Tinkerbell

(awooooooooga!!!)

Rob:

Well, now that we're done with that, I want to thank you all for....


Kym:



*AHEM*


 
Rob: 

Yes, dear?


Kym:

What did I say earlier about Disney princesses?




Rob:

Oh, very well. (Interestingly enough, it only shares one movie from Kym's list)

ROB'S REAL TOP 5 DISNEY ANIMATED MOVIES LIST:

1. Beauty & the Beast (my favorite Disney movie, & one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time)

2. The Three Caballeros (pure delight!)

3. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (in desperate need of a Blu-ray release!)

4. The Lion King (thrilling and visually spectacular!)

5. The Little Mermaid (a wonderfully story and a lot of fun!  Also...)

(Did I mention 'yowza'?)

Kym:

*Sigh* You better behave yourself in Disney World!  This is family entertainment after all.  No drooling over the princesses.



Rob:

I'll do my best.

Kym: 

After we get there, we'll be sure to give everyone a couple reports straight from Disney World!  Thank you everyone for reading, and please, feel free to post comments below!

Rob:

Just no dirty Disney princess pictures.  If I'm not allowed, than you aren't either.

Kym: 

Well said.

...


(Rob: "Can I say it?")

(Kym: "Go ahead, dear.")

(Rob: "I'm going to Disney World!")

"Batman & Bane Meet the Magical Unicorn"

Kym:

We're back!  We spent a few weeks away for personal/family issues (we miss you Willie!). We'll get to Batman in a moment, but first, we have to talk about our trip to see Brave at a dine in theater, where we discovered....



Rob:

Merida's mom is sill smokin' hot.

Yowza!

Kym:

More IMPORTANTLY, that you shouldn't see 3D movies at dine in theaters.  I'm not sure if you've ever been to one, but dine in theaters (or at least the AMC variety)...


Rob:

If you're at an AMC one, I recommend the pizza.  Also, popcorn.  Also, non-Twilight movies.


Kym:

Anyway, there's a little light next to your chair, so you can see the 'call waiter' button. The light from this makes it harder for your eyes to adjust, so the screen seems darker.  It's normally not that big a deal, but 3D movies are darker in any case, because of the glasses.  The combination made the movie so dark, you could barely see.


Rob: 

Did someone say, Dark?

Rob:

Hey!  You're in the way!  We can't see the unicorn!

Kym:

The what?

Kym:

That's...oh.  Damn, now I can't un-see it.


Rob:

Your welcome.
 

Kym:

A new unicorn character would have definitely spiced up the first hour of the movie, which moved at an amazingly slow pace.

Rob:

Sure, we got to see Bane terrorize a few people, but aside from that the first hour is more or less just meetings between businessmen, cops chatting, a high society party or two, guys walking around sewers, and a far too clothed Anne Hathaway.

(Film Flub: dress visible in shot)

Kym:

While you're drooling, I'll point out that a very large number of the scenes really felt unnecessary, dragging out the movie length considerably.  Most of the scenes with Batman are good, and Bane's scenes are necessary for building him up as the villain...with mixed success (more on that later)....but from start to finish, Dark Knight Rises is filled with a nearly endless stream of scenes with the young cop.

Rob:

Or as I like to call him: Junior B-Man.   I think his scenes added a nice 'average Joe's eye-view of the situation, although many of his scenes were indeed pointless, as were any scene involving the underground resistance, government agents, businessmen, or Bane saying things we already know.

We know, dude.  We were there.

Rob:

In fact, Bane's performance in general was more than a little lacking.  It's not the actor, Tom Hardy's fault though.  Chris Nolan for some reason decided that since Bane wore a cloth mask over his face in the comics, he should completely cover his mouth with a gas mask for the movie.


Kym:

Genius!


Rob:

I think I may know why Heath Ledger gave a much better performance then Tom Hardy or Christian Bale in this series: Heath was allowed to talk without a super-raspy voice or muzzle.

(Film fact #354: Joker rules.)

 
Kym:

Between a weird accent and a large muzzle, I'm surprised Tom Hardy was able to give any sort of performance at all.  He's lucky Chris Nolan didn't also want him hopping up and down on one leg, while on fire!

Rob:

Heath Ledger is admittedly a tough act to follow, but after all the difficulty building Bane up, it's all worth it in the end, when we discover....

(SPOILER ALERT)

Rob:

Bane and Batman get married!

See their wedding registration at BaneHeartsBats.com/slash

Kym:

No, it's nowhere as logical.  It turns out he's just the pawn of Batman's girlfriend, who's Ra's Al Ghoul's daughter and...well, the plot sort of goes bananas at that point.

Rob:

It's sort of a nod to the geek fans, as this more or less happens in the comics.  Regardless, I didn't see it coming, thanks to Chris Nolan's very well executed plot. 



Kym:

I saw it coming, even though my hubby to be (29 days to go!) didn't, and in any case it really weakens Bane's character, downgrading him from 'ultimate supervillain' to 'amazingly competent crony'.

(Still a more dignified ending than comic's: beaten by 'Temporary High-Tech Batman Jr')

Kym:

It wouldn't have been so bad if Bane stayed as the main bad guy until the end, perhaps killing Ra's Al Ghoul's daughter to keep her from interfering with the plan, or so that she doesn't suffer.  As it is, the movie doesn't do Bane justice.


Rob:

I for one LOVED the last hour of the movie.  It was a taught and exciting as anything in Inception or Dark Knight, with plenty of great action scenes, an incredibly smart Nolan plot, and the perfect resolution to the series itself.


Kym:

True, but even those big special effects were virtually all revealed during the movie trailers.  Scenes like the collapsing football stadium would've been a lot more powerful if everyone in the audience didn't already know it was coming.


Rob:

That's less of a problem with this movie than it is with movies in general.  Virtually everything is shown in the trailers now.  A prime example is the Pirates: Band of Misfits (or Pirates: an Adventure with Scientists for those outside USA).   It was a really fun movie, but all the best gags were shown in the trailer.  There was almost nothing left to see.

Kym:

Although the criticism most often heard about Dark Knight Rises is that it pales in comparison to Dark Knight.  I gotta admit, they have a point.  Dark Knight was not only a lot more concise, but the thrills were better too, mostly in thanks to Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart (2 Face).



Rob:

Personally, I think Americans are just spoiled when it comes to movie villains, especially in superhero movies.  Think about it (both DC and Marvel): 

Tom Hiddleston (Loki)
Liam Neeson (Ra's Al Ghoul)
Jeff Bridges (Obadia Stain)
Mickey Rourke (Ivan Vanko)
Heath Ledger (Joker)
Aaron Eckart (Two Face)
Jack Nicholson (Joker)
Kevin Spacey (Lex Luthor)
Gene Hackman (Lex Luthor)
Danny Devito (Penguin)
Michelle Pfeiffer (Catwoman)
Tommy Lee Jones (Two Face)
Jim Carrey (say what you want, the man's Riddler was perfect)
Hugo Weaving (Red Skull)

...and more!  The villains in super hero movies are always fantastic actors!

 

Rob:

Mostly....


Kym:

Uma Thurman ruins everything.


Rob:

We'll always have Tarantino Movies.  As for Arnold, I can't judge him too harshly for his performance as Mr. Freeze.  Let's see YOU deliver the line: 'Ice to see you!'


Kym:

Anyway, there's a golden standard for supervillains in movies these days, and in my book, Bane doesn't quite cut it.  It may be partially because of his mask, but for me it's mostly because Chris Nolan does a last minute switcheroo with the plot, and suddenly Bane's plans and histories are not his own.  Who is he?  Too late, he's already dead!  And then the movie moves on without him.




Rob:

Sort of a disappointing end for an otherwise powerful character.  Still, I think the plot works, and ultimately it adds to the overall story.


Kym:

I think the movie would've been fine without it.  By the time the ending rolls around, it's too late to build up a new villain, and the whole thing feels a little hollow to me.

Rob:

Eh, we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one....

Kym:


It was no 'Avengers'.



Rob:

Okay, we can agree on that.   

 

Johansson > Hathaway is a proven mathematical theorem

Rob:

Now let's talk about an entirely different sort of Cat Woman...

Kym:

Rob had to take his younger sister to this one without me.  So how was it, dear?  Awful?

Rob: 

Utter horse crap, but that's not the problem.  No one goes to a movie like this expecting a good film.  They expect a short before the feature film (Maggie Simpson's short cartoon was 10x better than the feature film itself), Looney Tunes-like gags, a few songs, B-list celebrity voice overs (by the sounds of it, all done at gun point), the squirrel tries to get an acorn, an unattached character gets a girl/boy-friend, we all learn a valuable lesson, and your kids shut up for a few hours.



Kym:

So, par for the course?


Rob:

Would be, except for this character, which caused an entirely new and thoroughly unpleasant problem for yours truly:

Kym:




Oh, the girl sabre-tooth tiger voiced by Jennier Lopez, and obvious love interest for the guy tiger.  What's the problem?


 
Rob: 

She's too pretty.


Kym:

So...it's bad because it doesn't fit her character?




Rob:

It has nothing to do with the character and plot.  The problem is, she doesn't look like a saber tooth tiger.  She looks like....well....Jennifer Lopez!  For those not aware of it, Jennifer Lopez is one of the sexiest women alive...

(Let the record show: hammina hammina hammina)

Rob:

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise: Jennifer Lopez (both her body and voice) is sexy enough to get any man's libido revving.  There was even some trouble with her on American Idol, where she spontaneously turned several of the male competitors straight.


Kym:

Now that's not fair!  Most of the guys on American Idol ARE straight...


Rob:

SEE?!!!

Kym: 

*Sigh*....wait, are you saying that the problem is you find Shira, the female sabre tooth tigress...sexy?

Rob:

I'm saying that aside from the head and paws, she doesn't really look like a tiger, or even furry for that matter.  She looks like a woman in a body suit.  Couple that with Jennifer Lopez's voice, and my brain keeps trying to imagine this...

...as this:

Rob:

These too images are WAY too close in my brain for comfort, especially the area between Shira's knees and chest.... 

 Kym: 

*Giggle*

Rob:

Laugh if you must, but I was genuinely disturbed!  One half of my brain kept going 'Jennifer Lopez is crawling around like a cat, and that's really hot' while the other replied back 'dude, that's a cat'.  The effect was not pleasant.

Kym: 

I'm sure they were just trying to give her character feminine features.

Rob:

Which is fine if done in moderation, but this is far too extreme!  Nala in the Lion King is a good example of it done right, but this...this is just awful!  If I wanted to see Jennifer Lopez nearly nude, I'd go look at a picture of such, and not watch a kids movie!  Oh, and you know what?
  

Kym: 

What?

Rob:

I DO WANT TO SEE A PICTURE OF JENNIFER LOPEZ NEARLY NUDE!

(AWESOME)

Kym:

What a surprise. 

...

FINAL RATINGS:

The Dark Knight Rises

Rob's rating (school style): B+

Kym's rating (rent/buy/ignore): buy if you're a fan of the series, otherwise rent first.

Ice Age 4: Continental Drift

Rob's Rating: D- (for kids and Furries only)

Kym:  Ignore.  Go get Brave instead.

 ...

(Kym: "What's a Furry?")

(Rob: "A term you NEVER EVER Google.")

God Bless You Nicolas Cage, Wherever You Are....

Kym:

This week, we're going to do something a little different.



Rob:

We'll be reviewing movies we haven't seen!  I'll start with "Gone With the Wind", which was complete and utter horse shi....


Kym:

No, we'll be doing something a lot better...or at least saner.  Although I do like your idea too.  I never saw "Army of Darkness", but I already know that it's terrible.


Rob:

"The Bridge on the River Kwai" could've used more full frontal nudity.  I mean, it did have a lot, but it could have used more.


Kym:

The only part I liked in "Kill Bill" was when Lucy Liu and Uma Thurmon both fell into that active volcano.


Rob: 

"Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" needed less cannibalism.  And realistically, I don't think Jimmy Stewart's body could've fed both houses of Congress.  Not unless they filled up on bread first. 

Kym:

Why don't we stop there.


Rob:

Okie dokie.
 

Kym:

Let's move on to our retro reviews.  This week we didn't see a new movie (due to one last trip to see Avengers...yup, we went yet again, and regret nothing), so instead we'll be going over a few old forgotten favorites.  If you haven't seen these, I highly recommend seeing the Avengers again.

Rob:

Uh, don't you mean....

Kym:

And after you get home, check out some of these old favorites.  The theme this week: action/adventure comedies!

Kym:

Remember when Nicolas Cage made good movies?


Rob:

Of course I remember Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance!

(Awesome!)

Kym:

Remember when Nicolas Cage made movies a normal person would consider good?



Rob:

The 'flaming industrial vehicle' alone was well worth the price of admission!

(And the Academy Award goes to...)

 
Kym:

Anyway, as a rational human being (I hope), I'm talking about National Treasure, another fun action-comedy with a 'Davinci Code' meets 'Indiana Jones' meets 'Nic Cage's never-ending need for cash' sort of movie.  Seriously, what does he spend the money on?

Rob:

Incredibly expensive Elvis memorabelia.  Including the one-of-a-kind "Elvis' daughter", in near-mint condition!

Kym:

I know people often give Nick a hard time, but his choice of starring roles aside, he is a good actor, bordering on 'excellent' as long as the part requires his special brand of crazy enthusiasm.

(Why yes, I'd love to star in an all-nude remake of Ishtar!  Set in post-apocalyptic L.A.? Perfect!)

Rob:

Indeed.  This time, he's brought us a very fun adventure movie revolving around America's forefathers, and clues they left to help point the way to a hidden treasure.  Yeah, it's a bit hokey, but it's a lot of fun, with plenty of great action scenes, and a great performance by Sean Bean as the villain.  Let's just get this out of the way...

(One does not simply walk into the Smithsonian....)

Kym:

Glad you got that out of your system, love.  Anyway, the movie probably could've used a little more action, a few more special effects, and some sort of fight in the finale, but despite it's minor drawbacks, it's a really fun action-adventure movie.


Rob:

Hell, the collapsing staircase scene is better than anything in Indiana Jones 4.


Kym:

It doesn't take much to be better than Indiana Jones and the F*cking Crystal Alien Skull.


Rob:

I actually didn't think Indy 4 was that bad.  It had its moments, and the same fun feel as the rest of the series.  I do wish they introduced a grown up Short Round as a sidekick instead of shoe-horning Shia Labeouf in there, but I liked the reintroduction of Marian, and I give Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull the highest score that any critic gave it! (C+)

Kym:

If you're not familiar with the plot, Leonardo DiCaprio stars in the real life tale of one of the most successful con men in history, who impersonated an airline pilot, a doctor, and a lawyer, and forged hundreds of fake checks, all before turning 19.  Tom Hanks is a member of the FBI anti-check fraud division, trying to catch him.

Let's be honest, you'd trust this guy too.

Rob:

And re-catch him...and re-catch him.  Part of what makes the story fun and engaging is how many real life escapes this guy made, and since he's defrauding rich investors and the government, it never feels like he's really hurting anyone.  Leo's great performance, combined with a lot of character background, really helps you get to know his character.  They also build up the sympathy by showing how scared he is all the time, and all his father's financial problems.


Kym:

Yeah, there's a WHOLE LOT of character background, leading us to the movie's only really flaw: it's length.  Despite being a fun caper comedy-drama, it does drag, then again it's not so easy to cut things out when it's based on real life. 


Rob:

They probably didn't need to spend quite so much time with Tom Hanks though.  Although I must say that he does do a very good job as the neurotic pencil-pushing Joe Friday-like character.  He's the perfect straight man to Dicaprio's hilarious antics.  As the old saying goes, this is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.


Kym:

There's a whole lot of bouncing?




Rob:

Yup. 


Kym:

I also like the unique 60's feel of the film.  They got every small detail done right, just like MiB 3 did earlier this summer.  Once again, we feel like we're back fifty years ago.

Rob:

Unlike MiB 3, however, we see a lot more of residential life in the 60's.  We see the beautiful TWA and Pan-Am airports too, of course, but I really liked how authentic everyone's homes and hotel rooms looked.  It really added a lot to the story.  Of course, at a 150ish minute run time, 'adding' to it may not be the best thing.

Kym:

Well, at least it'll get you warmed up for Breaking Dawn part 2.  What's that going to be, 25 hours long?



Rob:

Actually, I heard they're splitting it into 100 movies, each 15 minutes long.


Kym:

*Sigh*....Jacob better be in every damn one!

Kym:

I recently showed this to Rob, which he'd never seen before.

Rob: 

I had seen the lead actress Elisabeth Shue before though.

 

Kym:

Ugh...and here I thought we'd get through a post without including your lechery and dirty pictures.


Rob:

My Cal Ripken Jr.-like streak continues!


Kym:



Adventures in Babysitting includes a fully clothed Elisabeth Shue...


 
Rob: 

More than fully clothed!  She was wearing around 20 layers!  She looked like a grandmother Christmas shopping.


Kym:


Serves you right.  Anyway, this was Chris Columbus' breakout hit, with a cast of relatively unknowns, in a story revolving around babysitting and a trip to the city (Chicago, I believe) gone terribly terribly wrong.



Rob:

More like Chicago after the apocalypse.  Seriously, why do movies in the 80's portray the big city as a dystopian nightmare, filled with junkies, gun-toting maniacs, hookers, and homeless psychopaths every 10 feet?




Kym:

I think Chris Columbus did that more often than most directors, probably to heighten the sense of danger, and as a way to show how kids perceive the big city, rather than how it really is.


Rob:


I don't know.  The inhabitants of the big city seem to be portrayed in a way that seems more than a little bit racist to me.

Kym: 

Great, Rob's getting ready to go on one of THOSE rants.  Everybody settle in.

Rob:

It's just that every black character is some sort of criminal...

Kym: 

The people in the Blues club weren't.

Rob:

Alright, they weren't, but pretty much everyone else was.  Perhaps Chris Columbus was more than a little bit racist himself.  The fact that Home Alone 1 + 2 includes no significant minority characters adds to my suspicion, especially for Home Alone 2, which takes place in New York!  The inhabitants of real New York are about 40% White, 25% Black, 25% Latino, and 10% Asian.  In comparison, Chris Columbus' version of New York is as white as the driven snow...
 

Kym: 

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Rob:

Okay, I see your point.  The last thing the internet needs is yet another rant about racism, but I think it was overt enough here to hurt the movie a little.  There's a fine line between saying 'the big city is scary' and 'the big city is filled with scary minorities'.  I did enjoy the movie, but I found parts of it a little offensive.

Kym:

I'm surprised that's all you found offensive.  It's interesting to see how much 'raunchier' family comedies were in the 80's.  There's countless casual references to sex, guys calling other guys 'homos', an oral sex joke (haven't heard one of those since the Clinton Administration), college skanks, plenty of booze, prostitutes, and all kinds of debauchery!  Home Alone seems ridiculously tame by comparison.  Hard to believe it's by the same director.

Rob: 

Yeah, all things considered, it's a fun comedy, with a few moments that seem embarrassing in an 80's sort of way, but I guess that's all part of the fun.  

Kym: 

It's one of my favorite 'dumb fun' movies, which I watched constantly when I was young.  Rob had Clue, I had this.  Still, it's not only a funny movie, but a great 'time capsule' film, showing us the 80's just before it became the 90's, when you still had starlets like Molly Ringwald, and Thor was still for kids and geeks only.  Also, that kid who called Thor a 'homo' better watch out!  Thor will kick your ass!

Rob:

Indeed!  Not only is Thor not a homo, but neither is Chris Hemsworth.  In fact, he just had a baby girl (for some reason named 'India') with his incredibly hot wife.  That little girl will one day grow up to be so attractive she'll just enslave us all with mind control!

Kym:

No fair!  I want a guy that hunky too!

Rob:

You heard her, Chris!  Get on that.

...

FINAL RATINGS:

National Treasure:

Rob's rating (school style): B

Kym's rating (rent/buy/ignore): buy on blu ray, but wait for a deal

Catch Me If You Can:

 

Rob's rating: A-

Kym's rating: buy

Adventures in Babysitting:

Rob's Rating: B-

Kym's Rating: if you grew up in the 80's then buy, otherwise rent it first (Netflix should have it)

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance: 

Rob's Rating: C+

Kym's Rating: Seriously?


(Rob: It's as good as Indiana Jones 4.)

(Kym: No argument there.)

Spider 'Meh', Spider 'Meh', Does Whatever a Toby Maguire Can...

Rob:

Deja-vu.


Kym:

Yeah, I definitely get the feeling that we've experienced all this before...say, 10 years ago, with a better cast.


Rob:

I know the Amazing Spiderman is getting some flak for being a reboot only 5 years after Spiderman 3, but what really annoyed me is that it's not merely a reboot, but practically a scene for scene remake of Spiderman 1.  The only omission was the lack of Kirsten Dunst's nipples, a grievous plot hole if you ask me.  Emma Stone needs to get on that, asap.


Kym:

Your lechery aside, there were quite a few plot holes, which is surprising given the movie's 2 hour and 15 minute run time.  That's 15 minutes longer than Spiderman 1, and yet we seem to get far less plot.  For example, why is Peter Parker such a loner/misfit?  He's charming, smart, and rides a skateboard. 


Rob: 

That's not  a description of a social outcast, that's Donatello the ninja turtle.

(We are a single spider bite away from the greatest Spiderman reboot ever)

Kym:

At least Toby Maguire seemed 'geeky'...and plausibly 18.  Our main heroes both look about 5 years too old for the part.  If the story took place in college, it would've made more sense.  Also, we have yet another movie world with no authority figures in school. 


Rob:

Where bullies freely beat the crap out of the nerds, and then go to the teacher's lounge for some high-fives and a beer.


Kym:

Oh and...spoiler alert (good guys win, hero learns important life lesson, extra scene after credits sets up sequel, etc) where did Gwen Stacey get the cure from?  She makes it, but they never really explain how she suddenly knows how to make the cure.  


Rob:

Then in the worst plot hole yet, Peter Parker looks up something on the internet using 'Bing'.


Kym:

Madness!




Rob:

Aside from plot gripes, I also have some complaints with the villain.  You see, one thing the movie does right, and very well, is use practical effects for most of the stunts and action scenes.  Instead of just using CGI, like Michael Bay, they take notes from Chris Nolan, using real life effects whenever possible. 


Kym:

Yet for some reason, this is our villain:

  

Rob:

Well that's....very mediocre CGI.  Would it have killed them to use latex masks and puppetry instead?  I think the movie would've been a lot better that way.  Hell, Green Goblin wore a mask, and he looked great.  Also, the darker, more realistic atmosphere of the movie would have held up a lot better if Spiderman wasn't kickboxing with a cartoon lizard.  Hell, the lizard-man effects aren't even as believable as lizards from Super Mario Brothers the movie!

(Dennis Hopper was born to play a lizard)

Kym:

All our griping aside, it wasn't a bad movie, or even that disappointing a movie.  It's just not that good of a movie.  The action is good in most places, especially the scenes involving Spiderman himself, but the plot took no risks, hitting every plot point from Spiderman 1, and really showed us nothing new.

Rob:

Hell, at least 'Turn Off the Dark' has that one amazing stunt.  You know, the one where he leaps sideways towards the audience and lands on his neck?  Now that's entertainment!


Kym:

*Sigh*....so much for becoming a serious movie blog. 

Rob:

It took a while, but we finally got to see Brave.  Our attempts were nearly thwarted by the theater randomly closing because of a backed up sewage system, we had to drive far into the opposite direction, and I nearly had to take hostages, but we finally saw Pixar's new movie, and it was delightful!


Kym:

Merida and the rest of her family made for very interesting characters and a wonderful story, with enough action to keep the guys in the audience interested.


Rob:

The thing I really love about Pixar movies is their attention to detail.  You can actually see the fuzz on their clothing, and tiny faded scars that are only visible up close.  It's tiny details like these that elevates most Pixar movies above regular animated/CGI films, and to the point of being art.  The only complaints I had were that the story was pretty standard for a disney/fantasy/princess sort of story...

 
Kym:

I see nothing wrong with that, and unlike normal Disney princesses, Merida doesn't need a prince.  She's a strong, independent young woman, but it doesn't come off as being forced or pandering.  It all seems quite natural, and works very well with the rest of the story.

Rob:

My other complaint was with Merida's head.  In some scenes (like in the picture above), there's just something off about its shape, and she's realistic enough otherwise to bring us a bit into the 'uncanny valley' area.  Her mom, Elinor looks better....a lot better.  In fact, Merida's mom has got it goin' on.

(Merida can't you see, you're just not the girl for me...)

Kym:

I'm used to your normal lechery, dear, but it goes a bit far when you include poor innocent Disney characters.  Remember our trip to Disney World?

Rob:

For the record, I behaved myself completely....but good Lord, you should've seen some of the actresses dressed up as princesses.  The park enforces an 'absolutely no touching the princesses' rule with the adult guys, and I can see why.  Not only are they great actresses, but they look like super models!

(Or in Jasmine's case, Porn Stars)

Kym:

I don't think any of this is helping your case, dear.


Rob:

Oh well, at least I had an excuse to look up pictures of hot princesses.  There's a lot more of them then you'd think.


Kym:

I'll take your word for it.

(Despite Kym taking my word for it, I felt it was important to include this, for scientific purposes)

Kym:

Garbage.  Complete garbage.

Rob: 

Breaks my heart, it really does.  You can't understand how much I was looking forward to seeing this.  I mean, it's Abraham Lincoln fighting vampires with a silver axe!  The axe even has an inbuilt gun!  How can you possibly go wrong with a premise like that?!


Kym:

They took the premise dead serious, and then used ridiculous CGI special effects, on par in both quality and subtlety as 'Van Helsing'.


Rob:

All that would have been fine, if they'd just kept the whole thing campy.  It's Cowboys and Aliens all over again (see our August 2011 post for more details).  They're handed the perfect setup for a campy action-comedy, in the same spirit of Zombieland, and instead they try to make the film dead serious. 


Kym:



How could they possibly think that 'Abraham Lincoln fighting the undead' was the perfect setup for a serious action movie? 


 
Rob: 

To give you an idea how over the top the action is, there's a scene where *spoiler alert* (Abraham Lincoln kills vampires) where a vampire throws a horse at Lincoln, and Abraham not only catches the horse with his hands, but spins it around and jumps on it in one fluid motion.


Kym:


You know what?  This was a worse movie than Cowboys and Aliens.  At least that had star power, decent special effects, and a great performance from Harrison Ford.



Rob:

Don't forget Daniel Craig, the most British cowboy in the old west!




Kym:

Uh...don't remind me.  Still better than vampire hunting Abe Lincoln.  Another strike-out, to go along with Snow White and the Huntsman, Prometheus, Dark Shadows, and Battleship.


Rob:



If it weren't for Avengers, Men in Black 3, and Brave, we may have had no good movies to go to at all, and I may have suffered a fate worse than death....

Kym: 

Bad for YOU, maybe :-) 

Rob:

Not today, McConaughey.  Not today....

...

(We've forgotten to do our rating for a little while, so here's its triumphant return)

The Amazing Spiderman:

Rob's rating (school style): B-

Kym's rating (rent/buy/ignore): buy on blu ray, but wait for a sale

Brave:

 

Rob's rating: A

Kym's rating: buy on blu ray, ASAP

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter:

Rob's Rating: D-

Kym's Rating: pretend it didn't happen