Ethnically Diverse Singing Dolls Need to Shut Up

(HELP!!!)

Kym:

Oof!  Who knew unpacking and getting life back to normal after a wedding/honeymoon took so long?



Rob:

Two weeks and nary a movie to have seen for our troubles.  Still, we'd like to review some of our favorite parts of Disney World.  Since the Magic Kingdom's so big, this post we'll just focus on the hot princesses.

(Should only take 9-10 pages or so)

Kym:

Enough with the princesses!  They're taken, and so are you, you boob!


Rob:

True enough.  Instead let's start with a post on our favorite rides and attractions in the Magic Kingdom, starting with Adventureland.  We'll start each section with our absolute favorite ride, followed by an 'underrated gem'.

Kym:

We start with Pirates of the Caribbean, one of my all time favorite rides! 


Rob: 

Everyone sing!  "Oh it's a world of darkness, a world of caves...



Kym:

Uh...


Rob: 

It's a world of torture, and sex trade...."

Kym:

Okay, so it isn't necessarily the most politically correct ride, what with all the pillaging, skeletons, wenching and such, but that just adds to its charm.  Disney has been known to push the barriers for what's considered family friendly.


Rob: 

No complaints here!   As I mentioned with Hunchback, I like seeing something new and unique, and this certainly fits.  Although adding Captain Jack Sparrow is less a unique move and more of a commercial one.

Kym:

No complaints here either!  I love Captain Jack Sparrow, and it helps the ride reach a new generation of fans.  Jack's now featured three times through the ride, first by a clothesline, then hiding in a barrel, and finally with all the treasure.

(Actual picture of Johnny Depp receiving his royalties for the movies/ride)

Rob:

Despite my comments, they have cleaned up the ride a little, with less actual murder, no implied sexual assault, and the 'Bride sale' now being more of a distribution of willing wenches, than the original version's outright sex slavery.


Kym:


Oh, and for all you paranoid people out there, despite taking place in a boat, you won’t get wet.  One of the times we went, the row ahead of us were practically cowering behind their jackets, for fear of getting wet. 


Rob:

What, were they part of a Wicked Witch convention?
 

Kym:

Possibly.  All they'd do is cackle, compare flying monkeys, and fight over shoes.  Worst convention EVER.

Kym:


Ah the Enchanted Tiki Room! Or as it’s more commonly known, the TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI TIKI room. 


Rob:


What a charming and incredibly odd show. 




Kym:


I didn’t think it was that weird.  It’s cute singing birds. 


Rob:


Seriously?  It was downright Lynchian!   

 (Still a lot more family friendly than Lynch's Enchanted Rabbit Room)

Rob:

At first it seemed normal, with the standard ethnic stereotypes for the character voices. 

Kym:


A product of its time, although nothing offensive, just a collection French, Spanish, Irish, and German accents.  Then over the course of two songs, a great variety of birds enter show, including Cockatoos, Macaws, Tucans, Foxtail birds, Parrots, and many more!  It’s a visual feast! 

Rob:

And then without warning, the flowers started singing.   

Rob:

Yes, the tropical flowers lining the walls, mostly ‘birds of paradise’ that appeared to be nothing more than decorations suddenly morph into mouths singing away.  Then just when you think you’re safe, the Tiki drummers and Totem poles begin chanting, as a virtual storm erupts around you.  FREAKY! 

Kym:



It’s a really fun show though, and the very first audio animatronic show in the Disney Magic Kingdom. Isn't that right, dear?


Rob:


Then they warn you that the island volcano Gods have been angered by their singing!  Then guess what happens?  THEY KEEP SINGING!  WE’RE ALL DOOMED!  DOOMED!!!


Kym:


Chill out, luv. 



Rob:

*WHEW* Right, a Dole Whip it is!  YUM!

...


Kym:

Next we enter Frontierland and Liberty Square, which more or less combine into one area.  Unfortunately, we weren't able to get to the Hall of Presidents this year...



Rob:


Sure we did!  


 
Kym:

We did?

Rob: 


Yeah, I remember it perfectly!  Old mansion.  Dead guys in suits.  Madam Leota’s head floating in a crystal ball… 

(Taft, Jackson, and John Quincy Adams hitch a ride...)

Kym:


*Sigh* Well, the Haunted Mansion’s close enough, I guess.  It also happens to be our all time favorite Disney ride!  No other ride or show has anywhere near as much detail, which is not to insult any of them. 
The Haunted Mansion’s just so packed with creepy, cool details that no matter how many times we go on the ride, we seem to always notice something new!

Rob:


Even the line has a lot of great interactive elements, including a musical organ, ghostly tombstones, a moving bookshelf, a musical wall, a ghost sneezing underwater, a poet, and more!  

Kym:


Although the ride’s a little creepy, it’s never too much, making it fun for all ages.  After a few haunted tricks, you make your way to the Doom Buggy and the ride finally begins, and the small details really begin to steal the show.  The shadow of the invisible piano player....freaky pictures...ghostly dancers...the ghosts of two pistol duelists...


Rob:

Now that's what I call a tie! 

Kym:

I absolutely love the black widow bride with the axe, and the portraits of her husbands without heads. 

Rob:

Yikes!  Now don't get any ideas luv!

Kym:

You all really have to go see it for yourself to appreciate it.  And if you’ve already gone once, then “hurry back”…

Rob:

For our underrated gem in Frontierland/Liberty Square, we've chosen the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad!


Kym:


It may not be the most famous of the Disney roller coasters.  In fact, it’s sort of known as the runt of the litter, especially when compared to the others, but not only is it still a lot of fun, it becomes a whole new ride altogether at night! 


Rob:

It’s too dark to see what’s ahead, making every turn and drop a surprise!  We were also lucky enough to ride it when the fireworks show was going, which made the experience absolutely amazing! 


Kym :

It's damn near close to a perfect Disney experience, so give it a try if you can!

...

Kym:

Next we move on to Fantasyland!


Rob:

And there goes my buzz.


Kym:

Be nice!

Rob:

Only kidding folks!  Although Fantasyland's definitely aimed at younger park goers, it's still a lot of nostalgic fun....as long as the ride doesn't include fifteen minutes in a cramped boat, surrounded by ethnically diverse singing dolls.


Kym:


There’s a lot of great rides in Fantasyland (and I do enjoy It's a Small World, despite Rob's complaining), and my pick for favorite is Peter Pan's Flight, followed closely by Winnie the Pooh.  


Rob:


As with most Disney rides, it’s a rail shooter (gun sound effects not included).  However, unlike the boats and carts, Peter Pan soars above the scenes, making you feel like you’re flying right along with all the heroes! 


Kym:


It’s such a better ride than it had to be, with great details and sensations!  It could really use a bit of a face lift though, with a bit more movement and special effects.  Winnie the Pooh outdoes them there.  Regardless, I still like Peter Pan a little bit better.  I also like that they changed one of the mermaids into Ariel. 


Rob:


Now Ariel’s a good girl, she’d never try to drown Wendy like that.  


Kym:

 Perhaps it’s her sisters then.  Those girls play ROUGH.

Rob:

For the underrated gem, I have to go with Mickey's Philharmagic, which is really about Donald's 3D escapades through several classic Disney songs.  This is by far my favorite Disney show, with amazing visual effects and beautiful songs.

Kym:

It's also an homage to classic Disney cartoons, with Donald getting in trouble, throwing tantrums, and going nuts over the pretty girls...


Rob:

This time it's Ariel, and it's hilarious to see them both in the same scene.

(Can't blame him. Yowza!)





Kym:

A few more wacky escapades through Disney classics, and Donald's back where he started, without a single lesson learned.  Gotta love that crazy duck!

(Few Disney characters can accidentally wind up in this sort of predicament)

...

Rob:


Off to Tommorowland, an offbeat futuristic world, and home of one of Disney’s best rides: Space Mountain!  Brace yourself for this one!  Seriously, I didn’t the first time and felt more than a little beat up afterwards. 


Kym:

This is a light speed ride with lightning fast turns, twists, and no visibility so be prepared for anything!  Even the ‘gotcha’ ending!  You go through a tunnel with a red light, which looks like the end, and WHAMMO, you speed on for a little more! 


Rob:


Last time I almost lost my back pack!  And my lanyard!  And my glasses.... 


Kym:

Yes dear, we....



Rob:

And my wallet....and my shorts.....and my everything else....and then I almost flew off naked.


Kym:

Moving on.

Kym:



For our favorite underappreciated gems, we have a bit of controversy in Tommorrowland, for we don’t agree.  My favorite is the People Mover.  Which I do enjoy.  It’s a cart that moves through Tommorrowland above everyone’s heads, giving you a preview of all the different rides and attractions. 


Rob

Thanks to the people mover, I found out where they sold custom light sabers!  No geek's complete without one!

(The force is strong with this one...)

Kym:


I enjoy people watching and cruising through rides, like the aforementioned Space Mountain. 

Rob:

Hey, there's my shorts!  Knew they were still around here somewhere.

(Thankfully, the shorts are also strong with this one)

Rob:



Now that I’m completely enpantsed again, I’d like to introduce everyone to MY underappreciated gem in Tommorrowland: The Carousel of Progress! 

Kym:


Uh...seriously?



Rob:

You didn't enjoy it?



Kym:

I did, but in a hokey-nostalgic sort of way.  Wouldn't call it a 'gem' though.


Rob:


That it is, but unlike It’s a Small World, I enjoyed this nostalgic hokiness a lot more.  The show takes you through many stages of history, following a family of immortal vampires. 

(Not that one, thankfully)

Kym:

They are not.


Rob:

One could also make the argument that it's different versions of the same family, but I like my idea better.  Anyway, the ride shows the same family in many different parts of history, starting around the turn of the century, jumping from 1900 to 1920 to 1940 to present day.  Each time they reveal how they live, what technology they have, and what their daily life is like.

Kym:

Amazing.  I can barely stand the excitement.  It's just like Space Mountain all over again...

Rob: 


Well as a history buff, I really enjoyed it.  It’s fascinating how much life changed for people in a span of only 40 years.  


Kym:


I guess so, although the song gets annoying REALLY quick.   


(listen if you dare!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKeLmiBl9KU



Rob:


Well I thought it was fun.  Although for the rest of the day, every time you run into modern technology in the park, you find yourself going: ‘I heard that young Steve Jobs is trying to make a portable telephone that’s also a computer! It’ll NEVER work.’



Kym:




Like the Tiki Room, it’s a delightful nostalgic oddity, but I gotta choose the People Mover over this one.



...


Kym:


All this walking around (seriously, wear comfortable shoes folks) has probably made you hungry, and Magic Kingdom’s got our personal favorite ‘quick service’ meal (fast food, only better, like Chipoltes or Boston Market) the Columbia Harbor house.  

Rob: 


It’s a nice little place in the middle of Liberty Square, with some typical American fare, and our personal favorite Fried food.  Which my dad always refers to, regardless of where you get it, as the ‘Batter Platter’. 


Kym:


Fried chicken strips, fried fish, and French fries.  Now that’s what I call Brunch!  If you just want a snack, we already mentioned the beloved Dole Whips in Adventureland (you know a snack is good when they have their own t-shirts for sale).

Kym

, and the Plaza Ice Cream on Main Street is also great, especially the waffle cone sundaes.




Rob:

For a full service restaurant meal…you might want to leave the park.  There’s quite a few nice places, but they’re mostly ‘character meals’.  If you want the chance to meet the Disney characters and get autographs, then they’re great, but otherwise they’re a bit overpriced. 


Kym:


The Crystal Palace has the cast of Winnie the Pooh and a nice buffet.  Loved their desserts! 



Rob:


Cinderella’s Royal Table has several princesses and although it’s a bit overpriced, I did really enjoy Jasmine’s cleavage. 

Kym: 

...

Rob:

I MEAN Cinderella's swanlike neck...

Kym: 

...


Rob:

I MEAN....


Kym:

I'm waiting....


Rob:

*Sigh* The princesses were hot.  I throw myself at the mercy of the court.

(Preferably their court)

Kym:

Can't take you anywhere...

Rob:

Sorry, luv.

Kym:

Seriously though, the best food near Magic Kingdom was actually at the resorts nearby.  Hop the mono-rail and check out Ohana at the Polynesian resort for a terrific brunch, or The Wave at the Contemporary resort for some of the most amazing food we had all trip!  A personal favorite was the Cobb salad, although everything was very good.  Try it!

Kym:

Now that you’ve rode every cool ride and stuffed yourself silly, it’s time for a late night parade/show!  Our personal favorite is the Mainstreet Electric Light Parade, a delightful parade of lights, floats, and charming characters!  

Rob:

Alice said hello directly to me!  Hey Alice, you’re awesome!  Best Disney book to movie adaptation ever!  Also, you might want to keep an eye on your Uncle Lewis Carroll!  Just make sure there’s another adult around or something!  

Kym:

Can't take you anywhere.  Oh well, anything else you'd like to add about our favorite parade?

Rob:

Donkey kid from Pinocchio tried to take our balloon.  Jerk.

Kym:

Well he'll be working as a pack animal in a salt mine soon.

Rob:

Ha!  Disney fact: bad kids being turned into donkeys and forced into slavery never stops being funny.

Kym:

Wishes comes on a little later, an amazing fireworks show that rivals any fourth of July celebration I've seen (as we mentioned, try to be on the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad while it's going on).  If you’re lucky enough to be there for a Not So Scary Halloween night, you’ll be treated to a wonderful Halloween parade, filled with dance numbers, songs, and floats!

Rob:

You gotta love the Magic Kingdom!  It’s where wishes really do come true!  Except absolutely no touching the princesses.   They're pretty adamant on that one.

(Sorry Rob, no dice)

Kym:

Seriously, can’t take you anywhere.  

(Oh well, stay tuned for more Disney next week! )

Honeymoon in Disneyworld

Kym:

We're back!  And Married!



Rob:

Yes, Kym has finally gotten around to tying me down with the knot, and we were married on a very lovely (albeit incredibly windy) Saturday at Avon Beach, NJ.  We finally made it!  Ladies, I am no longer available.

(Someone break it to Elinor gently)

Kym:

You can break it to her yourself!  We're going to Disney World!


Rob:

We didn't even have to win anything to do it!  It's like the laziest World Series ever!


Kym:


Two blessed weeks away...and also most likely a post/review on some of their wonderful rides, shows, and restaurants.


Rob: 

Can I mention the ludicrously hot princesses?



Kym:

No.

(Very well.  No comment.)

Kym:

*Sigh* Well, with that over with, let's focus on our complete inability to get to the movies.  Nope, haven't gone in weeks.  Expendables 2 slipped through our fingers.

(We're pretty sure it's about this)

Kym:

We've simply been too exhausted with the wedding.  All the planning and preparation was honestly about 50 times harder than the wedding itself, which was a breeze.


Rob:

After collapsing from exhaustion at home, we comforted ourselves with Disney movies, many of which you've all undoubtedly seen...then a few that many of you probably haven't...
 

Kym:

Which led us to create this article on a few forgotten Disney masterpieces and other favorites.

Kym:

I love how real everything is in the movie.  With all the special effects and elaborate sets in most movies, it's so nice to see a movie where they actually brought the actors and animals to an island and built a tree house.


Rob:

I love the wonderful cast!  Virtually everyone in the movie was not only very talented, but eventually nominated for a prestigious acting award....okay, Tommy Kirk didn't really do much after he grew up, but he still had a good early career.

(Poor Francis gets the short end of the stick AGAIN)

Kym:

I'm surprised it doesn't get as much attention as some of the other Disney classics.  It's a great family adventure with something for everyone!


Rob:

Well...except songs.  Unlike most live action Disney movies, there's no songs in this one.  Breaking into song would've probably spoiled the mood a bit though, and personally, I'm thrilled we don't have to hear Tommy Kirk sing.

(DENIED AGAIN!  TWICE IN ONE POST!)

Kym:

Not all movies need songs or cartoon characters!  Swiss Family Robinson is a classic, with its own treehouse attraction in Magic Kingdom's Adventure Land.  It's not quite as cool as the movie's, but it's still really cool.

Rob:

Yeah, Disney certainly can't be accused of 'half-assing' anything.  Well, as long as you ignore the Countless direct to DVD sequels of the Eisner years.

(Mike Eisner: "Does that crab have his own movie yet?  No?  Give him a pretty crab girlfriend, an evil twin brother, make it 80 minutes, and I want it by Friday!!!)

Kym:

Let's just pretend those don't exist.  They're virtually all just shameless, soulless re-hashes of plots and jokes from the original movie.

Rob:

The only exceptions I'd make are for Aladdin 3 (nowhere near as good as the original, but pretty good), and Kronk's New Groove (a surprisingly hilarious movie, wish it made it to theaters)


Kym:

A good rule of thumb is if it isn't a good enough movie to make it to theaters, then you probably shouldn't bother making it.  Of course, not all sequels are bad...

Rob:

One of my all time favorites!  5% travel guide, 5% educational film, and 90% hilarious musical numbers.  I love this one!


Kym:

I first suspected you of being a fan when you hung this on the wall of our place:

Rob:

The movie poster pretty much says it all.  Donald and two of his friends from south of the border take him on a magical, musical adventure through our non-nazi/communist friends to the south.

 
Kym:

Non-nazi/communist?

Rob: 

Yeah, this wouldn't have been made if not for the film before it 'Saludos Amigos', which was entirely made as sort of a 'good spirited' propaganda film during World War 2.  It was all in good fun though, focusing on how good of a neighbor America and its friends down south are.  Although made for purely political reasons, there was nothing mean about it. 

Kym:

Sort of a love letter to Central and South America?  A little piece of paper that asks 'do you like me?' passed during class?

Rob:

Yeah, pretty much.  Anyway it was so successful, Disney made the followup, which was more for entertainment then political purposes, so all in all it works significantly better as a movie.  If you haven't seen it yet, I'd definitely check it out.  Every scene with Donald interacting with live action people is solid gold.



Kym:

And something Daisy definitely wouldn't approve of.

(Donald likes big butts and he cannot lie)

Kym:

We'll also be sure to check out the Three Caballeros ride in Epcot's Mexico section.  It's a lot of fun!

...

Kym:

Generally overshadowed by Marry Poppins, the highly underrated (and usually woefully cut down) Bedknobs and Broomsticks is a great Disney classic starring Angela Lansbury and David Tomlinson.  The story of a good hearted, amateur witch helping some orphans and the war effort in WW2 England.

Rob:

When picking this one up, be sure to look for the complete uncut version.  Several scenes were chopped out when they released it, including a lot more dancing in 'Portobello Road', which is my personal favorite part of the movie.  A couple of the scenes/songs are a bit long and inconsequential, but I think it's still a lot better with them than without.


Kym:

Although many people enjoy the 'Island of Naboombu' scene, I think it gets old very quick and has nothing to do with the rest of the movie, especially the neverending soccer scene.  The scene where they're underwater is a great one though.  I just wish we could skip straight from that to the dancing clothes song.


Rob:

To be fair, quite a few scenes are overly long and a bit pointless, but the movie overall is very enjoyable.  I also really enjoy the ending battle with the Nazis.  If you haven't seen it...

*SPOILER ALERT*

Rob:

The Nazis lose.


Kym:

It'd be a much darker movie if they didn't.  Even darker than...

Kym:

That movie poster isn't quite preparing parents for the political/religious/genocide/murder/multiple attempted infanticide of the film.


Rob:

I love just about everything about this movie, especially the stunning visuals and wonderful songs, but I have to agree, this isn't a movie for little kids.  In fact, I'm amazed this movie even got made!  Judge Frollo is a despotic and insane rapist (albeit attempted through threats, and not actual force) with a God complex.   To give you perspective, Governor Ratcliffe, the villain of their previous animated movie was more or less just greedy, and Scar from the Lion King was almost sympathetic!


Kym:

Seriously?  Scar is sympathetic?


Rob:

Mufasa harassed and belittled the HELL out of him!  Okay, Scar was a crappy leader, but it wasn't like anyone ever prepared him for the job.  Mufasa was the chosen child, not him.  Okay, he's not innocent, but Judge Frollo doesn't even have an excuse!  He just thinks minorities are sub human and must be destroyed, except the pretty ones, who are allowed to become his sex slaves rather than die.

(If you make other Disney villains seem sympathetic, then you've gone wrong somewhere in life)

Kym:

Good lord, how is this for children?!  This is an amazingly dark story, and when you go to a Disney cartoon you have certain expectations, especially when your movie poster includes lots of smiling, silly animals, and talking gargoyles! 


Rob:

Personally, I'm a fan of odd movies, and the juxtaposition of silly Disney animation/gags/songs and a really dark plot makes for one of the most unique movies they've ever made.  Granted, some scenes are better than others, the heroes are occasionally a little too 'goody goody', and the silly talking gargoyle friends have no place in a movie where a woman's killed by the villain on-screen.


Kym:

Still, I'm glad Disney is willing to push the envelope, and release a brave and intriguing movie that may or may not sit well with audiences, rather than just release something generic.  If it weren't for their willingness to push the envelope, we wouldn't have had the Lion King, which is more or less Hamlet in cartoon/animal form.


Rob:

True.  Perhaps it was inevitable that they'd push a bit too far, making the movie far darker than it needed to be.  All in all, I'm glad they did.  If you haven't seen this one, or haven't in a while, I'd definitely check it out.  As I mentioned, it's worth it just for the visuals and songs alone!


Kym:

Aside from the Judge showing up in the Fantasmic show in Hollywood Studios, it's surprising how little Hunchback shows up in Disneyworld and its merchandise.  I guess it's not family friendly enough.  Anyway, that just leaves us with a movie made for the Halloween season....

A

Kym:

Yes, technically it's "The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad", but you can go right ahead and skip the Mr. Toad segment.  It's just exceptionally British characters making asses out of themselves for thirty minutes. 



Rob:

I see what they were going for, as many of the characters are popular British caricatures from UK comedies, but most Americans probably won't notice enough difference to be interested in it.  It's not 'bad', but it is indeed a bit dull compared to the second half of the movie.  At least we get to see where the weasels from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" came from.


Kym:

Ichabod's adventures in Sleepy Hollow are a lot more interesting.  Although it's a little slow to start, it's a delightful setup of Ichabod's characters, who's simultaneously funny, kind, and thoroughly dis-likable.


Rob

It's not easy to make someone who isn't evil seem so completely greedy and slovenly, but the movie definitely manages to make sure the audience knows that Ichabod isn't really the hero or the villain.  He's the 'victim we shouldn't feel sorry for', akin to the obnoxious pot smoking teenagers found in most horror movies.  



Kym:

I don't know why, but I can't get enough of watching the guy squirm.

Rob:

I can't get enough of watching this guy:

Kym:


Disney really outdid themselves on this one, with a beautiful villain that immediately steals the show.  Never before have I seen a drawn character so dark in color, and yet stand out so well.



Rob:


It really is a masterpiece, and it's shamefully sweet to see the pretentious and smug Ichabod get chased all the way to oblivion and back by the horseman, while still managing to be kid friendly.   The only drawback I can mention about the movie is some of the elements seem very reminiscent of other Disney movies.  For example, the scene with Ichabod at the piano and the dog barking was originally intended for Cinderella.  You can see it in Cinderella's DVD extras. 



Kym:

Interestingly enough, Ichabod wasn't the only movie to do borrowing.  The scene early in the movie where Ichabod is walking through the quaint town with his nose in a book, deftly avoiding hazards, and everyone singing about how strange he is...well, let's just say that it reminds me of another opening Disney scene.  A real BEAUTY of a scene in a BEASTLY good movie. 


Rob:

Still, they're all good movies regardless.  Where the movie was really ground breaking was not in its gags, but the fact it was a bit scary while still being family friendly.  This was Disney's first big success with a 'not too scary Halloween story', and it made them all possible, especially the amazing Nightmare Before Christmas.


Kym:

Including the Disney World Not So Scary Halloween Party!


Rob:

Ah, I figured you'd squeeze in at least one more Disney World reference before our honeymoon.  Anything else you want to add before we start packing, luv?

Kym:

Only that I'd like to list our all time favorite Disney animated movies (not including Pixar).  I don't want to give the impression that the movies above are the best Disney has.  They're just a few forgotten favorites.  THESE are the best that Disney has:


KYM'S TOP 5 DISNEY ANIMATED MOVIES
 
1. Cinderella (a timeless classic)

2. Princess and the Frog (an underrated joy, and my favorite sound track of all time)

3. Pocahontas (gotta love it)

4. Sleeping Beauty (the most visually impressive Disney movie ever made, and arguably the best villain)

5. Little Mermaid (Under the Sea and Kiss the Girl are two of my favorite Disney song of all time)

Rob: 

Okay, my turn.


ROB'S TOP 5 HOTTEST PRINCESSES

1. Jasmine

(hoo-ha!)

2. Belle 

(holy...)

3. Ariel 

(yowza!)

4. Giselle 

(Human and cartoon form!)

5. Tinkerbell

(awooooooooga!!!)

Rob:

Well, now that we're done with that, I want to thank you all for....


Kym:



*AHEM*


 
Rob: 

Yes, dear?


Kym:

What did I say earlier about Disney princesses?




Rob:

Oh, very well. (Interestingly enough, it only shares one movie from Kym's list)

ROB'S REAL TOP 5 DISNEY ANIMATED MOVIES LIST:

1. Beauty & the Beast (my favorite Disney movie, & one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time)

2. The Three Caballeros (pure delight!)

3. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (in desperate need of a Blu-ray release!)

4. The Lion King (thrilling and visually spectacular!)

5. The Little Mermaid (a wonderfully story and a lot of fun!  Also...)

(Did I mention 'yowza'?)

Kym:

*Sigh* You better behave yourself in Disney World!  This is family entertainment after all.  No drooling over the princesses.



Rob:

I'll do my best.

Kym: 

After we get there, we'll be sure to give everyone a couple reports straight from Disney World!  Thank you everyone for reading, and please, feel free to post comments below!

Rob:

Just no dirty Disney princess pictures.  If I'm not allowed, than you aren't either.

Kym: 

Well said.

...


(Rob: "Can I say it?")

(Kym: "Go ahead, dear.")

(Rob: "I'm going to Disney World!")

"Batman & Bane Meet the Magical Unicorn"

Kym:

We're back!  We spent a few weeks away for personal/family issues (we miss you Willie!). We'll get to Batman in a moment, but first, we have to talk about our trip to see Brave at a dine in theater, where we discovered....



Rob:

Merida's mom is sill smokin' hot.

Yowza!

Kym:

More IMPORTANTLY, that you shouldn't see 3D movies at dine in theaters.  I'm not sure if you've ever been to one, but dine in theaters (or at least the AMC variety)...


Rob:

If you're at an AMC one, I recommend the pizza.  Also, popcorn.  Also, non-Twilight movies.


Kym:

Anyway, there's a little light next to your chair, so you can see the 'call waiter' button. The light from this makes it harder for your eyes to adjust, so the screen seems darker.  It's normally not that big a deal, but 3D movies are darker in any case, because of the glasses.  The combination made the movie so dark, you could barely see.


Rob: 

Did someone say, Dark?

Rob:

Hey!  You're in the way!  We can't see the unicorn!

Kym:

The what?

Kym:

That's...oh.  Damn, now I can't un-see it.


Rob:

Your welcome.
 

Kym:

A new unicorn character would have definitely spiced up the first hour of the movie, which moved at an amazingly slow pace.

Rob:

Sure, we got to see Bane terrorize a few people, but aside from that the first hour is more or less just meetings between businessmen, cops chatting, a high society party or two, guys walking around sewers, and a far too clothed Anne Hathaway.

(Film Flub: dress visible in shot)

Kym:

While you're drooling, I'll point out that a very large number of the scenes really felt unnecessary, dragging out the movie length considerably.  Most of the scenes with Batman are good, and Bane's scenes are necessary for building him up as the villain...with mixed success (more on that later)....but from start to finish, Dark Knight Rises is filled with a nearly endless stream of scenes with the young cop.

Rob:

Or as I like to call him: Junior B-Man.   I think his scenes added a nice 'average Joe's eye-view of the situation, although many of his scenes were indeed pointless, as were any scene involving the underground resistance, government agents, businessmen, or Bane saying things we already know.

We know, dude.  We were there.

Rob:

In fact, Bane's performance in general was more than a little lacking.  It's not the actor, Tom Hardy's fault though.  Chris Nolan for some reason decided that since Bane wore a cloth mask over his face in the comics, he should completely cover his mouth with a gas mask for the movie.


Kym:

Genius!


Rob:

I think I may know why Heath Ledger gave a much better performance then Tom Hardy or Christian Bale in this series: Heath was allowed to talk without a super-raspy voice or muzzle.

(Film fact #354: Joker rules.)

 
Kym:

Between a weird accent and a large muzzle, I'm surprised Tom Hardy was able to give any sort of performance at all.  He's lucky Chris Nolan didn't also want him hopping up and down on one leg, while on fire!

Rob:

Heath Ledger is admittedly a tough act to follow, but after all the difficulty building Bane up, it's all worth it in the end, when we discover....

(SPOILER ALERT)

Rob:

Bane and Batman get married!

See their wedding registration at BaneHeartsBats.com/slash

Kym:

No, it's nowhere as logical.  It turns out he's just the pawn of Batman's girlfriend, who's Ra's Al Ghoul's daughter and...well, the plot sort of goes bananas at that point.

Rob:

It's sort of a nod to the geek fans, as this more or less happens in the comics.  Regardless, I didn't see it coming, thanks to Chris Nolan's very well executed plot. 



Kym:

I saw it coming, even though my hubby to be (29 days to go!) didn't, and in any case it really weakens Bane's character, downgrading him from 'ultimate supervillain' to 'amazingly competent crony'.

(Still a more dignified ending than comic's: beaten by 'Temporary High-Tech Batman Jr')

Kym:

It wouldn't have been so bad if Bane stayed as the main bad guy until the end, perhaps killing Ra's Al Ghoul's daughter to keep her from interfering with the plan, or so that she doesn't suffer.  As it is, the movie doesn't do Bane justice.


Rob:

I for one LOVED the last hour of the movie.  It was a taught and exciting as anything in Inception or Dark Knight, with plenty of great action scenes, an incredibly smart Nolan plot, and the perfect resolution to the series itself.


Kym:

True, but even those big special effects were virtually all revealed during the movie trailers.  Scenes like the collapsing football stadium would've been a lot more powerful if everyone in the audience didn't already know it was coming.


Rob:

That's less of a problem with this movie than it is with movies in general.  Virtually everything is shown in the trailers now.  A prime example is the Pirates: Band of Misfits (or Pirates: an Adventure with Scientists for those outside USA).   It was a really fun movie, but all the best gags were shown in the trailer.  There was almost nothing left to see.

Kym:

Although the criticism most often heard about Dark Knight Rises is that it pales in comparison to Dark Knight.  I gotta admit, they have a point.  Dark Knight was not only a lot more concise, but the thrills were better too, mostly in thanks to Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart (2 Face).



Rob:

Personally, I think Americans are just spoiled when it comes to movie villains, especially in superhero movies.  Think about it (both DC and Marvel): 

Tom Hiddleston (Loki)
Liam Neeson (Ra's Al Ghoul)
Jeff Bridges (Obadia Stain)
Mickey Rourke (Ivan Vanko)
Heath Ledger (Joker)
Aaron Eckart (Two Face)
Jack Nicholson (Joker)
Kevin Spacey (Lex Luthor)
Gene Hackman (Lex Luthor)
Danny Devito (Penguin)
Michelle Pfeiffer (Catwoman)
Tommy Lee Jones (Two Face)
Jim Carrey (say what you want, the man's Riddler was perfect)
Hugo Weaving (Red Skull)

...and more!  The villains in super hero movies are always fantastic actors!

 

Rob:

Mostly....


Kym:

Uma Thurman ruins everything.


Rob:

We'll always have Tarantino Movies.  As for Arnold, I can't judge him too harshly for his performance as Mr. Freeze.  Let's see YOU deliver the line: 'Ice to see you!'


Kym:

Anyway, there's a golden standard for supervillains in movies these days, and in my book, Bane doesn't quite cut it.  It may be partially because of his mask, but for me it's mostly because Chris Nolan does a last minute switcheroo with the plot, and suddenly Bane's plans and histories are not his own.  Who is he?  Too late, he's already dead!  And then the movie moves on without him.




Rob:

Sort of a disappointing end for an otherwise powerful character.  Still, I think the plot works, and ultimately it adds to the overall story.


Kym:

I think the movie would've been fine without it.  By the time the ending rolls around, it's too late to build up a new villain, and the whole thing feels a little hollow to me.

Rob:

Eh, we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one....

Kym:


It was no 'Avengers'.



Rob:

Okay, we can agree on that.   

 

Johansson > Hathaway is a proven mathematical theorem

Rob:

Now let's talk about an entirely different sort of Cat Woman...

Kym:

Rob had to take his younger sister to this one without me.  So how was it, dear?  Awful?

Rob: 

Utter horse crap, but that's not the problem.  No one goes to a movie like this expecting a good film.  They expect a short before the feature film (Maggie Simpson's short cartoon was 10x better than the feature film itself), Looney Tunes-like gags, a few songs, B-list celebrity voice overs (by the sounds of it, all done at gun point), the squirrel tries to get an acorn, an unattached character gets a girl/boy-friend, we all learn a valuable lesson, and your kids shut up for a few hours.



Kym:

So, par for the course?


Rob:

Would be, except for this character, which caused an entirely new and thoroughly unpleasant problem for yours truly:

Kym:




Oh, the girl sabre-tooth tiger voiced by Jennier Lopez, and obvious love interest for the guy tiger.  What's the problem?


 
Rob: 

She's too pretty.


Kym:

So...it's bad because it doesn't fit her character?




Rob:

It has nothing to do with the character and plot.  The problem is, she doesn't look like a saber tooth tiger.  She looks like....well....Jennifer Lopez!  For those not aware of it, Jennifer Lopez is one of the sexiest women alive...

(Let the record show: hammina hammina hammina)

Rob:

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise: Jennifer Lopez (both her body and voice) is sexy enough to get any man's libido revving.  There was even some trouble with her on American Idol, where she spontaneously turned several of the male competitors straight.


Kym:

Now that's not fair!  Most of the guys on American Idol ARE straight...


Rob:

SEE?!!!

Kym: 

*Sigh*....wait, are you saying that the problem is you find Shira, the female sabre tooth tigress...sexy?

Rob:

I'm saying that aside from the head and paws, she doesn't really look like a tiger, or even furry for that matter.  She looks like a woman in a body suit.  Couple that with Jennifer Lopez's voice, and my brain keeps trying to imagine this...

...as this:

Rob:

These too images are WAY too close in my brain for comfort, especially the area between Shira's knees and chest.... 

 Kym: 

*Giggle*

Rob:

Laugh if you must, but I was genuinely disturbed!  One half of my brain kept going 'Jennifer Lopez is crawling around like a cat, and that's really hot' while the other replied back 'dude, that's a cat'.  The effect was not pleasant.

Kym: 

I'm sure they were just trying to give her character feminine features.

Rob:

Which is fine if done in moderation, but this is far too extreme!  Nala in the Lion King is a good example of it done right, but this...this is just awful!  If I wanted to see Jennifer Lopez nearly nude, I'd go look at a picture of such, and not watch a kids movie!  Oh, and you know what?
  

Kym: 

What?

Rob:

I DO WANT TO SEE A PICTURE OF JENNIFER LOPEZ NEARLY NUDE!

(AWESOME)

Kym:

What a surprise. 

...

FINAL RATINGS:

The Dark Knight Rises

Rob's rating (school style): B+

Kym's rating (rent/buy/ignore): buy if you're a fan of the series, otherwise rent first.

Ice Age 4: Continental Drift

Rob's Rating: D- (for kids and Furries only)

Kym:  Ignore.  Go get Brave instead.

 ...

(Kym: "What's a Furry?")

(Rob: "A term you NEVER EVER Google.")