Apparently, Joss Whedon is Quite Nifty

Kym:

Okay, we went and saw the Avengers again.

Rob:

It's sort of like the Titanic thing a couple weeks back, only with more YES YES AWESOME AGAIN. 


Kym:

We were originally planning to go see Battleship, but realized that everything that movie had (cheap thrills, a few laughs, explosions) Avengers had a lot more, Chris Hemsworth, fantastic direction by Whedon, and is a great movie to boot!


Rob:

Are you ever going to stop talking about Chris Hemsworth and Joss Whedon?




Kym:

Come on, Rob, admit it.


Rob:

Okay, fine.  Chris Hemsworth is a fine actor, and indeed a very handsome man.  Fine.



Kym:

What about Joss Whedon?


Rob:


Less handsome.

(sorry, Joss)

Kym:

Let's just move on...without a new movie to share, I thought it'd be nice to go over the list of TV renewals and cancellations, by network.  We've got quite a few surprises here.


Rob:


For example, the networks didn't pick up the pilot I pitched: Scarlett Johansson oil wrestling!



Kym:

Sorry love, they had to free up the schedule for the Hemsworth/Evans oil wrestling matchup.



Rob:


Damn it!  Why do my imaginary TV shows never go as planned?

Kym:

Body of Proof was thankfully renewed!  Even though it's yet another procedural cop show focusing on the scientific investigation aspects, I really like all the characters.

Rob:

Yeah, they thankfully didn't go with the generic cop show archtypes, and Dana Delany is quite attractive for a....(checks wikipedia) holy crap, 56 year old?  Dang, that girl's holding up gooooooooooood.  

Kym:

On the other hand, they cancelled GCB, which was a very funny show!  I think it would have built up an audience over time, especially now that Desperate Houswives has ended, and its audience needs something new.


Rob:


Desperate Housewives is obviously not a guy sort of thing, but I have to admit, I did watch the last episode, and found it very satisfying, tying up all the loose ends and giving everyone a fine farewell, without being too lovey dovey, or simply by killing everyone off.


Kym:

It's a fine finale to a very unique and ground breaking show.  It shall be missed, but thankfully we still have Revenge, renewed for another 'dishy' season.


Rob:

I'm still not sure what 'dishy' means.  Again, not exactly a guy show, but even I have to pay attention when pregnancies, karate fights, overdoses, and exploding planes fill the screen.  It just better not all be a dream.  On that note, don't google the words "Dallas TV dream" or "saint elsewhere finale".  You'll regret it.


Kym:

Continuing the 'dishy' theme, we have Scandal, which I didn't watch with high expectations, being skeptical if Shanda Rimes could do a non-medical show.  I was delighted to see that they were taking a lawyer type show and giving it a cool twist.  Everything feels important and real.

Rob:


As real as a pair of scissors to your neck....which you shouldn't pull out.  For the love of God, why would you pull the scissors out...


Kym:

Complex characters, exciting twists, and a presidential scandal make for a very interesting show!  On the other hand, I'm glad they cancelled Missing.  With only one gimmick, and a mystery that can't be solved without ending the show, watching it felt like running in place.  Ashley Judd was very good though.  Maybe it would have worked better as a movie instead.


Rob:

What's with all the hot cougars (40+ year old women) on television these days?  Dana Delany, Teri Hatcher, Ashley Judd, and countless others!  Not that I mind, of course.  It just seems like the new thing these days.


Kym:


Know what isn't new?  So many stale and played out shows, yet again renewed for another pointless season.  First off is Grey's Anatomy.  I like the early episodes, but it really needs to end.  The show simply needs to end with some dignity, rather than relying on helicopter crashes and random deaths to beg for the audiences attention.


 
Rob: 

Now if they all hunted each other in the woods after the crash, Hunger Games style, I might be interested.



Kym:


That's about all there is left to do, honestly.  Castle is getting stagnant as well.  Another show that started out really good, but can't move forward, mainly because the main two characters won't give in and SLEEP TOGETHER ALREADY!



Rob:

Not since Matt Damon and Ben Affleck has America waited so long for two people to 'get it on'.

Kym:

Finally, we have the runt of the litter, the abysmal 'River'.  Why did we watch that show?



Rob:

Uh...something about ghosts...monsters....South America....a dog almost gets made into a Scooby snack....and then a bug crawled inside someone's mouth.  Yucky.



Kym:

What a waste of good DVR space.  Dear, if you ever get lost during a ridiculously stupid jungle expedition, I'm afraid I won't be coming for you.  Sorry.


Rob:

When I eventually go missing in the wild, and everyone's putting together the search party for me, use this post as reference.  Kymmie's a no-go. 

Rob:

Wha?  What happened?  I fell asleep during 'Awake'.  What'd I miss?
 

Kym:

Not much, which answers the ultimate question of the now cancelled show....it was the audience.  We were the ones asleep.


Rob:

I'm not that upset (although I do like the last episode, which tied things up a bit), but I am upset that Harry's law got the shaft.  Sure, lawyer shows are out of style, but Harry's law had a lot of fun characters, and hilariously ridiculous cases.


Kym:

I didn't think the cases were that ridiculous....


Rob:

Their clients included (no joke): a gorilla, identical twins accused of murder, an obese porn star being spied on by the government, and a woman fighting crime while dressed as Wonder Woman.


Kym:

Okay, so it was goofy.  It was still a lot of fun, and Kathy Bates will be missed.  Her performance was always worth watching for.  Hopefully we'll see more of her soon.  Perhaps on Celebrity Apprentice, which has been renewed?  That'd be fun!  Although I'm not sure how they could make the cast more abnoxious and hostile than it was this time, with Lisa Lampanelli and Aubrey O'Day.


Rob:

Eh, the men's team could stand to get a bit more hostile.  Here's my dream cast: Mel Gibson, Michael Vick, Edward Norton, and 10,000 Africanized Bees.


Kym:


Now that's good television.  Who do you think would win?


Rob:

The American viewing public.


Kym:


True enough.  The last NBC show we care about is Grimm, which was thankfully renewed.


Rob:

*Geeky squeal*

Kym:

Yeah, we're both pretty excited over here.  Fanboys and fangirls finally have a fantasy/sci-fi show worth getting excited over (aside from the Walking Dead, of course).  Think of it as Highlander meets Angel.  Better yet, Highlander and Angel as buddy cops that fight crime!


Rob:


Grimm's definitely worth watching, although I'm not sure I like the way they left off the season, especially how he finally told his girlfriend the truth.  Problem is, he told her the truth in the CRAZIEST way possible.  Conspiracy theory about 'secret fluoridation of the moon landing' CRAZY. 




Kym:

Dude, just take your girlfriend aside, introduce her to your werewolf buddy, and tell her the TRUTH.  While you're at it, tell your poor partner as well.  Leaving him hanging like that was not cool.



Rob:

Bros before...werewolves? 


Kym:

Something like that.

Rob:

God I hate the winners of the Amazing Race. 

Kym:

We like the show, but can someone please tell us why the teams we most hate keep winning?  Not only were they annoying in every possible way, but they were two of those perfect people that are absolutely perfect at everything they do without even trying, and spend all their free time reminding the viewers how perfect they are until we all pray for them to be run over by a truck.

Rob:

Now THAT's a roadblock!  To no one's surprise 'A Gifted Man' was cancelled...only to have NBC come up with a nearly identical show called 'Saving Hope'.  Why won't they just let the 'doctors speaking with ghosts' premise die?


Kym:

Similarly immortal is the renewed Undercover Boss.  I personally like the show.



Rob: 

Meh.
 


Kym:

Like him with 'dishy', I'm still not sure what 'meh' means.  Anyway, I don't see how long Undercover Boss can go on for.  Aren't people growing suspicious of the 'new guy' wearing a hat and goofy glasses, followed by a TV crew, filming a reality show they've never heard of?

(pictured above: boss)

Rob:
 
If I were a skeptical man, I'd assume that most of them realize what's going on, keep it secret, lay on the tearful sad story, and wait for it rain money.


Kym:

On a different note, CBS brought in three new cop shows, and two came out.  The surviving Blue Bloods is an excellent show, mixing a traditional cop theme with a family drama, that extends from the very top of the police department, and all the way down to the streets.  The only weak part was the last episode of the season, which should have been titled 'There's a bio terrorist threat, oh wait, everything's okay now'.



Rob: 

Person of Interest is another survivor, and has quickly become a favorite of mine.  Although the premise follows an episodic format (each episode is a different person to be saved), they keep throwing in additional information about the character's pasts.  All in all, there's a lot of great action, and Mr Reese and Mr Finch make a great team!




Kym:

This leaves us with Unforgettable, which audiences found...

 
Rob: 

Please don't.




Kym:

....quite....


Rob:

Please.



Kym:

...forgettable!


Rob:

Ugh....actually this was one of the biggest surprises as far as cancellations go.  Unforgettable had a lot of fan support both from women for the empowered female detective Carrie Wells, and men for the ridiculously hot female detective Carrie Wells.  

(Now that's female empowerment I can get behind)

Rob:

The show went really downhill as it went, though.  The premise got stale, and the viewers diminished.  It still had quite a few viewers though, making the cancellation a surprise.



Kym:

Maybe the network was simply in a 'cancelling' mood.  They must have been to finally cancel one of the never-ending CSI shows.  That's right, CSI Miami is history!  One down, two to go!


Rob:

Kym obviously isn't much of a fan, and although I used to be, the shows have gotten really dull and repetitive, almost at Grey's Anatomy levels.



Kym:

Perhaps this means David Caruso's career is finally over.



Rob:


I don't know, it might yet have....


*PUTS ON SUNGLASSES*


...proof of life.

(pictured above: movie reference/Rob's lack of dignity)

Kym:

Ugh, and you said I was bad with the 'unforgettable' line.


Rob:


YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH.......

Rob:

Let's just speed through this one.  Fox gives me a headache.  The first cancelled show is House, which was long past its prime, and overdo for the cemetery.




Kym:

Both the show and House himself.  Seriously, how is that character still alive?  He's done everything except take 500 Vicodin while sawing off his own head.  Alcatraz is also gone, to no surprise.  It had some good elements, but a ridiculous premise and a hilariously inept female cop.

(seconds before accidentally swallowing badge and gun)

Rob:

I swear, that women's disarmed more often than she's armed.  The premise (magically disappearing/reappearing Alcatraz convicts in a massive conspiracy to cause chaos in the present) is proof why you let geeks handle every aspect of the show EXCEPT the concept.  That's why Avengers was Avengers, and Dollhouse was Dollhouse.


Kym:

Sorry Joss.  Anyway, Glee was Glee, and if you liked it at the start, you'll continue to like it now.  It's the sort of show you're really into, or you're....


Rob:


A straight man.  Aside from that, all that's left is that cartoon show aimed at adults that started out okay, but really needs to go.  Which one was it...oh yes, ALL OF THEM.  Seth, you wanted Family Guy to be the next 'Simpsons', and you got your wish.  Nobody I know watches either, and yet they refuse to die.

Kym:

Although not one of the 'major' networks, I think CW is still worth mentioning.  Hart of Dixie was a surprise success, and a great show.


Rob:

Not a guy show though.  This a story about a young, independent female doctor opening shop in the south, and it contains every bit of estrogen that you'd expect from that premise.

 
Kym:

Since GCB is gone, I'm glad this one's still with us.  Television could use a bit of southern charm.


Rob:

Our boney star needs a big sammich.   I need 50 CC's of sammich, STAT!  Also, I need someone to explain what 'STAT' means!




Kym:

The last show we're ranting about is Supernatural, back for another season.  It's gone on a bit long, but I still enjoy it, and I'm glad to see them come back for another adventure.


Rob:

Women can't get enough of those two guys, but is there really anything left to do?  You know a show's run its course when the heroes have already faced down all of hell, heaven, every mythological creature in history, and Mega-sharks.  I mean, what's left?  Aliens?  Ghosts?  Men in Black?



Kym:

Speaking of 'segway', Rob and I are now off to see Men in Black 3.  We'll let you know how it goes!


Rob:

Awesome!  As long as it has as much Scarlett Johansson oil wrestling as Kym promised, it should be great! 


Kym:

Of course, dear.  Now, could you just look at the little light on top of this device for a moment?

Rob:

Okie dokie!


*ZAP!* 

HULK SMASH TITANIC! HULK NEW KING OF WORLD!

Rob:

You can blame me for the title.


Kym:

That's not exactly in the best taste, dear.


Rob:

HULK MAKE YOU BOTH LET GO!

Kym:

Finally, a highly anticipated sequel that not only lives up to the hype, but blows the competition away!


Rob:

Is there really anything we can say here that would keep you all from going to see this movie, and then returning for a second or third time?  Seriously, what would it take?  All the main characters die?  The gang has to put on a production of Hamlet halfway through the movie, and every bit of the play is in the film?  They replaced Thor with a wacky CGI character?  Scarlet Johansson's in a burqa? 



Kym:

I don't think there's anything that can really set them back, not that you'd want to.  This is superhero action movies at their finest, with special effects that are completely convincing.  Despite the last half hour of the movie being done almost completely with green screens...


Rob:


Then why can we see the Hulk?


Kym:

Uh dear, the Hulk isn't actually...


Rob:


Oh, right. 



Kym:

Anyway, it doesn't look like CGI backgrounds.  No, this movie is big, gorgeous (especially the incredibly hunky Chris Hemsworth), explosive, and exciting!  Joss Whedon did an absolutely fantastic job directing this (and as a longtime fan, I hope this shuts up all the Whedon haters out there).  If you haven't gotten around to seeing the Avengers yet, then get out there and go!  You won't regret it!



Rob:


Despite usually being the killjoy, I really don't have anything bad to say about the Avengers.  Even the cast change of Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk, worked out well.  It's only possible fault is that it's at heart just a popcorn/action movie, never really transcending the genre (in the way that Dark Knight, Watchmen, and the first Iron Man movie all did).  It's still a fantastic movie though, and even if they WERE putting on a stage production of Hamlet, I'm sure we'd still love it, just for the chemistry between all the characters.


Kym:

And now, on to the second half of the Summer movie previews!

(June 29th)

Kym:

Someone's been watching the Expendables.


Rob:


Yeah, it does have a bit of that vibe to it, doesn't it?  I don't mind moving back toward the glory days of action movies though.  Back when it was all guns, explosions, and vaguely European terrorists. 


Kym:

I'm really glad they lost the robot suits.  The last GI Joe movie looked like it was clipped together from unused Transformers footage.


Rob:

This one looks a lot more like the cartoon, and although this sort of movie can go good or bad, I like that they're focusing on the over the top characters that made the original cartoon fun.  Plus, Snake Eyes rules!  Every boy knows that.  You say you prefer Duke?  YOU LIE! 


Kym:

As far as I can see, if your movie includes Bruce Willis, the Rock, and a ninja, then it's probably worth watching.

(July 3rd)

Rob:


Although the 'nerd rage' on the internet goes way too far, even I have to admit, that was a quick reboot.  At this rate, I think we can expect the new Batman series to premier late next year.


Kym:

It isn't that bad, and I don't have a problem with it, as long as they go in a new direction.  In this case, they seem to be taking notes from the aforementioned Batman, as they appear to be making things a bit darker and more realistic overall, with scientific explanations behind the powers, and the webs from a device, rather than his own body.


Rob:

We have Andrew Garfield as the Spidery-Guy himself, who according to sources has been known to do 'whatever a spider can'.   We also have Denis Leary (+5 points), and Emma Stone (+50 points).  Sorry, Dennis.  No offense.


Kym:

It might be my present superhero movie kick, but I'm looking forward to this one.  The CGI first-person scenes, where we see what Spiderman is seeing as he flies around the city, should be absolutely amazing in 3D.

 
Rob:


On the other hand, it seems a bit 'par for the course' as far as hero movies go.  We have a new bad guy, our young hero tries to learn the truth about his past/parents, there's an angry (but basically good) authority figure, and lots and lots of Emma Stone nude scenes.


Kym:

Uh....


Rob:

A man can dream.

(July 13th)

Rob:

And there goes my buzz.


Kym:

Ah, the inevitable Ice Age part 17 or something.  I wish I could give parents/aunts/uncles/grandparents something to look forward to when the children in their lives drag them to the theaters for this, but it looks like same old, same old.


Rob:

I guess the squirrel's sort of funny.


Kym:


And it gives Ray Romano a paycheck.

(July 20th)

Rob:

Awwwwwwwwww yeahhhhhhh....
 

Kym:

I may be a superhero movie junky, but I've never been as much into the Batman movies.  Maybe it's a gender thing, but I really prefer the Marvel movies.


Rob:

Christian Bale not doing it for you as much as Chris Hemsworth does?


Kym:


You think?


Rob:

The third Chris in this equation, Chris Nolan, does not make bad movies, so I have really high hopes for this.  The trailers all look great, and despite the complaints on the internet, I can understand Bane just fine (man, you geeks are never satisfied).


Kym:

You're one to talk, dear.  Anyway, my only concern here is that the movie may be getting a bit too political to be a satisfying superhero movie.  All in all, it might be a bit TOO dark, even for a Batman movie.  Especially if the speculation is true, and Batman kicks the bucket.


Rob:

Eh, superheroes are dying and coming back all the time.  Just watch, he'll die halfway through the movie, get replaced by four new Batmen (young Batman, alien Batman, cyborg Batman, and black stereotype Batman), and then in the last few minutes Bruce will return as an immortal caveman and save the day.  Happens all the time.


Kym:

What were you saying about 'geeks'?


Rob:

Uh....that they're nowhere as cool and awesome as me?


Kym:

Whatever you say, dear.

(July 27th)

Kym:

Well...this just got a bit awkward. 


Rob:

The bullet holes are a bit uncomfortable now, yes.  For those not up to date on the news, in Florida, a member of a neighborhood watch got into an altercation with an unarmed black teenager, and not only did the man shoot and kill the teenager, but the police didn't arrest him for it, leading to national outcry and protests.




Kym:

Which is just the sort of backdrop a Hollywood studio wants right before they release their wacky comedy revolving around an overly protective neighborhood watch.  I hear that they're changing the title to just 'The Watch', and hopefully they'll take the bullet holes out of their promotional posters.


Rob:

All in all, it looks pretty funny (despite starring Vince Vaughn), and it's one of the only movies coming out this year that isn't a sequel, reboot, or based off a book/game.  All they have to do is try to distance themselves from the controversy.


Kym:

At least they have a black guy on the team.


Rob:

Moss!  RUN!!! 

(August 3rd)

Rob:

Jeremy Renner stars as a government secret agent/assassin and....didn't we just do this?


Kym:

I guess starring as Hawkeye was just practice.  I prefer him with the bow and arrow.  Still, by the end of the summer we'll all be ready for a good spy-thriller, and Jeremy Renner's a good actor.  All in all, this looks promising.



Rob:


And that promise is: to not star Matt Damon.




Kym:

Yeah...then again, why was it so hard to get him?  Is he really that busy right now?  The series won't quite be the same without him.  Everyone will have to use their own judgment on this one.

(August 3rd)

Rob:
 
I'm judging the HELL out of this one though.


Kym:

Yeah, sci-fi thrillers (aside from Inception) haven't had a very good track record these past few years.  They all wind up being, despite their interesting premises, complete messes with stories that don't make sense, contrived plots, and weak characters. 



Rob: 

Everyone's trying to make the next Matrix, and instead they're making the next Matrix 2 + 3.  The original Total Regall was hilariously bizarre, never took itself that seriously, and virtually every scene was original in some way.  This movie's looks like nothing we haven't seen many times before.




Kym:

That, and Colin Ferrel is a poor replacement for Chris Hemsworth.

 
Rob: 

Um...don't you mean....




Kym:

A woman can dream.

(August 17th)

Kym:

Speaking of Chris....I mean, Arnold. 


Rob:

And we finally come to the last of the Summer Blockbuster movies, Expendables 2.  This time, even more...expendable?  Does that work?



Kym:


With Arnold, Stallone, Bruce Willis, and Chuck Norris, anything can work.  These types of action movies are always a lot of fun!  With tons of guns and explosions....


Rob:

Yahoo!



Kym:

Stabbing, tires screeching, backflipping, hummers rolling, dictators jibbing, heroes posing, villains ragdolling...



Rob:

Kaboom, yo!




Kym:

Anything substantial you want to add to that, love?



Rob:

KABOOM!

My Heart Will Go On....and On.....and On.....and On....

Rob:

Don't get us wrong, we're not talking about TV repeats.


Kym:

No, we're talking about the sheer limitless number of sequels, adaptations, and prequels out there this season.  How many actually original movies are there out there this season?  Most certainly single digits only.


Rob:

Before we start our yearly Summer preview, let's start with the a movie Kym and I (and numerous other women and their fellow whipped boyfriends) saw:

Kym:

Come on, even you guys have to admit: it's a kick-ass movie!


Rob:

No question, it is a very kick-ass movie....only problem is that there's a movie BEFORE the kick-ass movie, that's an hour and a half of dull romance, wandering around a ship, and deciding if they want to name their next flagship the S.S. Hubris, the S.S. Totally Invincible, or the S.S. Fuck You God. 


Kym:


It's important for establishing characters, and getting you to really care about the people who are doomed to die, for no good reason at all.  Even the most jaded boyfriend has to admit it looks especially great on the big screen in 3D.  James Cameron movies are all made for it.


Rob:

I certainly didn't mind 3D nude Kate Winslet.  In preparation for viewing, I trained myself to immediately wake from a deep slumber upon hearing the phrase 'draw me like one of your French girls'.  Anyway, the next movie we saw in the theater was...

Kym:

You know your fiance truly loves you when he's willing to bring you the following week to see Titanic again.


Rob:

Near.....far.....for three GOD DAMN hours....I believe that this movie's too long...


Kym:

This movie really stands up to multiple viewings though.  It's a classic that we might not see on the big screen again for a very long time.



Rob:

Sigh....oh well, I guess I can understand that.  So let's move on to the next week, where we finally got the chance to sink our teeth into the hotly anticipated....

Rob:

...



Kym:

I love you, dear!


Rob:

Sigh....let's just move onto the Summer preview, which might be the 'summer of repeats', but at least it starts on a hotly anticipated sequel that has been giving geeks the 'warm fuzzies' since Iron Man 1:

(May 4th)

Kym:

Finally!  I've been waiting over a year for this!


Rob:

Who would have known that of the both of us, you'd be the one going gaga over the Avengers.  Of course, Chris Hemsworth (as Thor) might have something to do with it.  Between him and Robert Downey Jr (as Iron Man), the movie won't be short of any eye candy for the ladies.



Kym:

I feel a little sorry for Chris Evans.  Despite being totally buff and hot, he's still considered the 'shy & geeky' member of the team.  It's difficult to look at him shirtless and think of him as the third most attractive guy on the team, but there you go.


Rob:


Oh well, kids love him.  It's the shield.  Every young boy loves having a toy shield to throw around.  Also, the eye candy isn't all for the ladies.  Scarlett Johansson is as gorgeous as ever. 


Kym:

Not to mention that the movie looks action packed and hilarious!  I can't wait!

(May 11th)

Kym:

Aaaaaaaaaaand there goes my buzz.


Rob:


Yeah, that is a bit jarring.  I've seen the trailer, and I hope that 'one' joke is all limbered up and ready to go, because he's gotta last the entire movie without help from any other jokes to back him up.


Kym:

What the hell does this have to do with the TV show Dark Shadows, which was a vampire soap opera?  Although the creators of this update are claiming that the original show had quite a bit of comedy in it, but I'm pretty sure the comedy didn't revolve around making fun of the fact that it was the 70's.


Rob:

I call this trend 'Slash and Burn' re-imagining.  It's when you reboot something, but only to make fun of how ridiculous it is.  Rather than try and update it, they're just sacrificing the brand in an attempt to make a buck.  It's kind of sad.


Kym:

I'm sure Johnny Depp will give a great performance, but history has shown us that he'll gladly star in terrible movies, so there's a good chance it won't be enough.

(May 18th)

Rob:


WHAT THE?!  Oh...whew!  For a moment, I thought it was Titanic again.  Instead we have Battleship, the movie based on a kid's boardgame.  I advise the aliens to 'aim for the middle of the board'.


Kym:

Putting this in modern day against aliens is kind of ridiculous, given that it's supposed to be WW2.  Of course, I'm sure that wouldn't really thrill audiences, but neither did the last alien themed summer blockbuster: Cowboys Vs Aliens.  With enough Michael Bay-ish special effects, I'm sure it'll do well though.

 
Rob:


But how well?  The movie cost around 870 Jillion dollars!  Now that's an expensive board game!  Nothing short of a spectacular showing will save this movie from a 'John Carter' like fate.

(May 25th)

Kym:

Men in Black 1 was a really fun movie, and despite the lacking script/premise, 2 wasn't bad either.


Rob:

Even if you surrender every other point, you have to admit that Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones don't give bad performances.  The 2nd Men in Black may have been a bit deficient overall, but Will Smith delivered his lines with some of the best comic timing I can remember (the scene after they get flushed, where Smith is trying to convince Jones that he used to LOVE getting flushed, is one of my all time favorites)


Kym:


I really like that the overall look of the movie is similar to the old fashioned 50's sci-fi films, and despite Tommy Lee Jones having a smaller role, I have high hopes for the movie, and it's new leading star, Josh Brolin.



Rob:

Goonies never say die!

(June 1st)

Kym:

Thor, take 2!


Rob:

Snow White re-makes, take 807!


Kym:

Despite the literally hundreds of Snow White remakes flooding TV and movies, this one looks pretty good.  Lots of action, romance, Chris Hemsworth, and evil magic!  Hopefully, Kristen Stewart will do a better job here than as the vacant Bella. 


Rob:

No way she could do worse.

(June 8th)

Kym:

Guess which Uncle and Aunt are going to have to bring their niece to this?


Rob:

I can only guess.  Kym fell asleep during the 2nd Madagascar (our 3rd date, and 2nd movie together), but as far as mediocre, 'C-list actor' filled kids movies go, the Madagascar series is relatively painless.  If nothing else, Chris Rock always has a good line or two in them, and it gives Ben Stiller a paycheck.  (He helped give us the Royal Tenenbaums, he deserves it)

(June 8th)

 Rob:

Oooo oooo oooo!  *Jumps up and down*


Kym:

I don't know much about the Alien series, but this looks pretty good.  The special effects alone are really impressive.



Rob:

I'll quickly catch you up on the story, through mime!  *Begins miming*




Kym:

Okay....Rob's acting as if he has some sort of squid on his face....now something's leaping out of his torso....he's turned off most of the lights...now he's running around in his underwear.....and now he's hurling himself out the window.....



Rob:

The rest is pretty much just disappointing sequels.


Kym:

All I really know is from the Disney World great movie ride.  The aliens are indeed freaky, and remind me of the aliens in Independence Day.


Rob:

Alien came first.


Kym:

Independence Day was a better movie.


Rob:

*SPIT TAKE*


Kym:

Will Smith was really good in it!


Rob:

*MONOCLE FALLS OFF*


Kym:

Let's just move on....

(June 22nd)

Rob:

One of the only 'non-sequel/prequel/remake' movies out this summer...although it is sort of a 'princess movie', so it sort of be seen as a disney sequel.



Kym:

I don't think so.  She may be a princess, but she's the first princess in a Pixar movie, and the only Disney princess I can think of that doesn't need a man to faun over.  Merida is a kick-ass young woman who loves living independently, doing what she wants to.  Even Mulan didn't get that.  She got a shoe horned in love interest at the end, instead.



Rob:

Think of Merida as less whiny, pretentious, and man dependent 'Katniss Everdeen'.  Should be great, then again, Pixar movies generally are.  If nothing else, it's certain to be an absolutely gorgeous movie, and that alone is worth the price of admission.

(June 22nd)

Rob:

Not since 'Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus' have I been so sold on a movie just from the title alone. 



Kym:


How can you not love this premise: Abe Lincoln's mother was killed by a vampire, and so a grown up Honest Abe uses a silver coated axe to hunt the undead.



Rob:

The preview had all I ask for in a movie.  As long as the movie includes at least one scene of Abraham Lincoln going all 'Buffy' on a group of vampires, with a silver axe, I will leave the theater a happy man.



Kym:

You know...although this movie is definitely aimed at guys, I must admit, I'm excited to see it as well.  Perhaps it's the Buffy/Angel marathons of my youth, but I think this premise has real potential.



Rob:

Get your Academy Awards ready.  Oscar season is starting a little early this year....




....




Kym:

The second half of the Summer movie list will be up next week.  Until then, check out our top 6 (we tried to keep it at 5, but failed) movies we're most looking foward to seeing:





Rob:

1. Dark Knight (preview next week)

2. Avengers

3. Brave

4. Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

5. Expendables 2 (preview next week)

6. Prometheus


Kym:

1. Avengers

2. Brave

3. Snow White and the Huntsman

4. Dark Knight (preview next week)

5. Men in Black 3

6. Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter




Rob:


Finally, based on the schedule, the next few movies we'll most likely be seeing:

Uh....pardon?

Rob:

The geese are escaping from the loading bay! Now we only have 30 seconds before the Mayan prophecy comes true!


Kym:

Don't worry, the alien syndicate would never allow such heresy. They'll just use 7 of the 8 moon crystals to go back in time, and keep the Titanic from sinking!


Rob:

I see their 100 foot tall ambassador now...but he doesn't have the crystals! He seems to be holding something else...a subpoena?!


Kym:

His wife must have gotten the crystals in the divorce! We have to call the president, to let him know that every potted plant in the White House must be destroyed at once!


Rob:

And now you readers at home are all as confused as Kym and I were when we began watching the mid-season replacements on TV.


Kym:

Seriously! None of these shows make any sense at all! Some of them are trying to use that as a gimmick, in a bid to replace Lost.


Rob:

Which is kind of dumb, considering that Lost's never-ending mysteries were beginning to grate on everyone's nerves as it was, coupled with its disappointing ending...as far as the fans are concerned, at least. Personally, I really liked the ending.


Kym:

What was your favorite part?


Rob:

The part where it ended.


Kym:

Ah. Well, let's start with the most confusing of the bunch, Alcatraz.





Rob:

I 'want' to like this show, as I always like watching Hurley (Jorge Garcia). I just wish they use show made more sense.


Kym:

It's not the action itself, which is a fairly common police procedural drama, but what's happening behind the scenes. It kind of pisses me off, because NOTHING really makes sense. Alcatraz's inmates from the 60's time travel into the present and work on behalf of an evil organization?


Rob:

You'd think the evil organization could get recruits from the present, especially with 10% unemployment. Are violent criminals so hard to find that you have to break the laws of nature to get some on your side? If Cobra can find new recruits, after losing a couple hundred a week from fighting GI Joes, I'm sure these time traveling baddies can as well.


Kym:

And it makes even LESS sense, because the plot revolves around 'solving the mystery' around the time traveling...but several of the people on the good guy's side are from the past as well! Can't they like...ask? Are they too embarassed? And what the hell's with the keys?!


Rob:

And why is our heroine such a lousy cop? She gets kidnapped and/or disarmed at least three times an episode. All in all, it's not a good show at all, despite Jorge Garcia and Sam Neill's nice performances.





Kym:

So...can you explain 'Luck' to me?


Rob:

Nope. Not in the least. I admittedly don't know too much about horse racing, but in any case there's no way I could possibly follow this clusterf*ck of a drama.



Kym:

It reminds me a bit of the Sopranos, only instead of angry Italians, we have angry comedians.


Rob:

You said it. Dustin Hoffman, Kevin Dunn, Richard Kind, Nick Nolte...



Kym:

Nick Nolte?


Rob:

Well, I laughed.



Kym:

I did my best to follow the story, but it keeps jumping around to about fourteen different characters, never explaining anyone's identity, motivations, or...anything, really. To make it worse, half the cast either mumbles, or speaks with a weird accent.


Rob:

All we know is there's horse racing, some sort of gambling, a few hotel rooms, and everyone's angry with each other. I can't even recall anyone's names. One guy just got out of jail, another guy's always on a phone, another guy's Spanish, another guy's in a wheel chair, and another guy's Nick Nolte. Everything else is a blur.



Kym:

Great job, HBO. Money well spent.





Kym:

Mystery isn't necessarily a bad thing, of course. In Touch, I think it actually works. Part of the reason is because we know and understand the 'who' and 'why'. The 'who' is a young autistic boy who can tell the future, but can't talk, only communicating through numbers and odd clues. The 'why' is because he's part of the next great evolution in mankind. It's figuring out what's going to happen, and what has to be done, that makes it interesting.


Rob:

It is interesting, although it gets more than a little ridiculous at times (the same number matches a day, time, and a person's address???). It's quite entertaining though, with Keefer Sutherland playing the part of badass-father, instead of the regular badass-badass on 24.



Kym:

There's enough action to keep things going, and the elements of the plot come together well. Although it's confusing in that I'm not sure where it's going, or how things are happening, it's probably the best of these new bizarre shows.





Rob:

I have slightly mixed feelings with The River. More so than any other of these shows, it reminds me of Lost, although the magical elements are a bit more overt, giving it more of an X-Files feel.



Kym:

It's a pretty good adventure/action show, with a family and camera crew sailing down a magical South American river, filled with monsters and ghosts to keep things suspenseful. The whole thing has sort of a Supernatural/Angel feel to it, which isn't a bad thing.


Rob:

(It might be a bad thing)




Kym:

*SMACK*


Rob:

Ouch! I thought you couldn't see things in parentheses!



Kym:

Doesn't work when it's typed out. As for The River, I can see it working as a mini-series, but I just don't think there's enough material here to make a full series with it. They're either going to find the source of the river, or they won't.


Rob:

In a sense, it has the opposite problem as Alcatraz. TOO MUCH is known. We already know all the important characters, what's happened, what's going to happen, and why. Everything from now until they find the source/father, is just killing time.



Kym:

Let's just hope it doesn't take 5 seasons to get there.





Rob:

Orange and blue. Why's every movie/tv poster have to be orange and blue?




Kym:

Can you explain THIS show to me?


Rob:

Oh sure, this is a lot easier to follow than Luck. Basically, he's dreaming half of his life, and in one half his wife is dead, and in the other his son is dead. The problem is, he can't tell which is reality and which is the dream.




Kym:

I liked Jason Isaacs performance, known to Harry Potter fans as Lucius Malfoy.



Rob:

And known to Harry Potter fangirls as Luscious Malfoy.




Kym:

Awake was interesting, but a bit hard to follow. I do like the aforementioned orange and blue tinging, just to help signify which of the realities he's in. It might be a bit too weird of a concept to work though, so we'll have to see if it pans out.




Rob:

I really liked it, and although it's 'yet another' cop procedural show, at least it's a highly unique and interesting one.




Kym:

Let's just hope it doesn't turn out to be yet another 'all a dream/hallucination/afterlife' ending. Lost might sue for copyright infringement.


FINAL RATINGS:


Alcatraz: Ignore it until it either goes away, or makes a lot more sense.

Luck: Don't bet on this one.

Touch: Check it out!

The River: Watch, until it gets repetitive.

Awake: Worth a shot.

Holiday....Spectacular?

Rob:

'Spectacular' is a strong word to use for the recent flurry of movies released this holiday season.


Kym:

'Mediocre' would be a better word...but before we get into that, we'd like to warn you all about a new problem within our movie industry, specifically with the fantasy genre. We call it 'Harry Potter Syndrome'.





Kym:

Don't worry, it has nothing to do with being compelled to dress like Harry.





Rob:

Or terrible haircuts. No, this is the desire for a series to become the next Harry Potter. It's understandable, given the uptillion-zillion dollars the series has made, but instead of trying to make something new, exciting, and with broad appeal...


Kym:

They're just throwing huge budgets at other Young Adult book series, hoping it becomes the 'next big thing', spawning a colossal series of movies. Thanks to this, we have incredibly expensive and over elaborate 'kids' movies, like the Narnia series, Golden Compass, Vampire's Assistant, Star Wars Clone Wars cartoon, and a (most likely) upcoming Ender's game movie.


Rob:

Ender's game might have a little too much...how shall I put this...underage sex in it for it to really catch on with the masses. Oh yeah, and incestuous undertones. That too.


Kym:

*SIGH* Anyway, what we're getting at is that trying to become the next Harry Potter is turning movies that may have achieved modest success into colossal flops, simply because the budget goes way over where it should be. Yet, another terrible aspect of Harry Potter syndrome is what it does to the last movie.


Rob:

Specifically, it 'splits' it. Harry Potter started a dangerous precedent by splitting Deathly Hallows into two movies. I can understand why they did it though, as there was no way to fit that entire story into one movie.


Kym:

And unlike the previous few books, they can't make up enough difference by cutting out Hermoine's battle for house elf rights, Quidditch, or generic teen angst.


Rob:

The precedent, however, was eagerly picked up by Twilight, who was looking for an excuse to double their profits simply by tearing the script in half.





Kym:

The movie has its moments, and they managed to work through some of the 'crazier' moments of the novel, but overall it's very very SLOW.


Rob:

A moment of silence, for the two hours of my life I'll never get back.


Kym:

You did that joke already for 'Water for Elephants'.


Rob:

Robert Pattinson started it!


Kym:

In any case, Breaking Dawn did not have to be two movies. This movie's unbelievably padded, stretching along a thin plot from scene to meaningless scene. We get it, Bella's suffering! Can we move on?


Rob:

Not where there's more money to be made. Thanks to Harry Potter syndrome, I think we can expect final chapters of all long running series to be stretched into two movies. At least until one of them bombs (probably Hunger Games 3 part 2, or something).








Kym:

Uh...dear, you put both pictures up at once, for both the new Mission Impossible and Sherlock Holmes.


Rob:

Two movies? What are you going on about? I'm pretty sure it was just one.



Kym:

No the...on second thought, you might have something there. Both were sequels with a star filled cast. Both mixed action and comedy.


Rob:

Lots of special effects that despite looking good, really began to wear down upon you as the movie went on, with spectacle replacing content. Both movies obviously had 'Imax' in mind.



Kym:

Both pandered to female viewers...or attempted to anyway. They each equally failed in that regard, with the Holmes/Watson thing being way too overt...





Kym:

And Tom Cruise not exactly 'doing it' for most women these days.





Rob:

I'm not sure what expression is on those women's faces, but I'm pretty sure it's not 'barely contained lust'.



Kym:

Although there's much to appreciate in both movies. Both had a nice cast, which worked well together.


Rob:

Both included great performances from talented British comedians.









Rob:

And yet, both the movies just come across as 'generic'. Both also include a somewhat boring villain that somehow manages to keep physically overpowering our hero, despite being twice their age and completely out of shape. Thanks for the realism!




Kym:

Neither of these movies are anything we haven't seen in the previous installations, and they could have also cut 20 minutes off the run time without hurting either movie in the least. All in all, this goes to show us the importance of...


Rob:

International markets.



Kym:

Right...wait, what? I was going to say 'creativity, and showing the audience something completely new'.


Rob:

That too, but if we look at these two movies alone, MI4 is doing a lot better than SH2 overall, and it's thanks to international markets.



Kym:

Why? Foreign countries aren't exactly portrayed very nicely in MI.


Rob:

Has nothing to do with it. It comes down to the simplicity of its plot. The plot of MI is a lot easier to follow (or simply ignore) than the rampant twists and turns of Sherlock, which translates to more international appeal, since the subtleties of any movie plot (from any country) is usually lost when using subtitles or dubbing. The end result: SH barely covered its budget, and MI is swimming in money Scrooge McDuck style, thanks mostly in part to international markets, which is almost double that of its domestic take.



Kym:

No accounting for taste, I guess. I actually preferred Sherlock Holmes, for Robert Downey Jr's charm. Instead of charm or witty dialog, Mission Impossible mostly had running. Lots and lots of running.


Rob:

I still don't get what you mean by 'preferred', as if there were two different movies here.


Kym:

For the last time, they aren't exactly the same. Sherlock Holmes was far more homo-erotic, if nothing else.



Rob:

Marking the first time in history were a Tom Cruise movie is compared to a film he wasn't in, and deemed the 'less gay' of the two.




KYM'S FINAL RATINGS:


Twilight Breaking Dawn: buy on blu ray if you're a fan

Sherlock Holmes 2: blu ray, but wait for a sale

Mission Impossible: ignore, unless it's very cheap


ROB'S FINAL RATINGS:


Twilight Breaking Dawn: (men, hide as long as you can) D+

Sherlock Holmes 2/Mission Impossible 4: C+